The Queen Twatted Me And It Felt Dirty In A Good Way.....

Following a celebrity on twitter is pretty interesting. I'm not too starstruck as a general rule, but it's interesting getting a peek into their world and twitter is probably the closest you can get without literally following them at a restraining order distance. It does feel personal, but only from the non-celeb side. The celeb most likely doesn't follow you back, (except LadyGaGa! hey gurl! Did I mention I don't get starstruck?) doesn't know you, doesn't care - most of the time, they only tweet their other celeb friends. A lot of them do respond to the masses, but the more followers they have, obviously your chances of getting a reply are slim to none.

So you can imagine the sheer twitter vomit pandemonium it causes when Madonna jumps onto her manager's twitter and starts to tweet.

And sure, I'm right there making feeble attempts to attract the Queen's attention. I've proposed to her numerous times, sexually twittered harassed her, I've told her that her ass is such a work of art that it should have it's own world tour. I throw those twats out there, not really expecting a response, because thousands of other people are doing the same thing. I just hope she'll read one and go, "Oh LadyHAHA, she's a hoot!" (yes, Madonna uses the word 'hoot.' Don't question me.)

On May 1st, a day that will now be in the midget history books, Madonna jumped onto her manager's twit account and started twitting away about how she was at Jessica Seinfield's house cooking. I did my usual twitter come-ons, asking her what she was wearing and other pervy shit like that. I only twatted her three times and almost called it a night, so imagine how the midget's bowels loosened upon her cabbage patch pants when, from the clouds, royalty touched my computer screen and asked me....

guyoseary@LadyHAHA tell us a joke..
7:46 PM May 1st from web in reply to LadyHAHA

Oh! My! SkidMarks!
Did she...?
Is she...?
........muh......??

The Queen has asked me to dance!!! Oh yes, Queen, a dance I will do! And dance I did. I told her as many jokes I could possibly think of. She signed off a couple minutes after. I still don't know if she got to see any of my jokes. But with her one magic twat, she's officially appointed me to be her royal jester and I'm happily taking the job. And really, she's given my twits a focal point (jokes) which is good because if i twitted about real life, it would be little nuggets of extreme importance and interesting topics like this:

Just woke up, had a cup of sugar and cream with a dash of coffee.

My ass itches. Should probably take a shower soon.

I want Circus Peanuts.

I gotta fart. Oh wait. no.....I gotta go to the bathroom.

Phew, close call.

Although, I have a feeling she might have read some of my jokes and it might have tickled something in her because she gave me the Hahas right back when she wore this to the NYC Met's Costume Gala last night:


Oh Madge. Darling, my love, time to get rid of some of those 'Yes' men/women who are clearly doing their job all too well. Or maybe, just MAYBE, she was SO inspired by my humor that she wanted to physically represent my hilarity via a hilarious outfit! Another attempt to reach out to me? A subtle way of saying, yes midget/LadyHAHA, I love you too? Perhaps.

It really is the only logical conclusion.

Sore Throats, Soiled Panties, And Joyful Howling. It's just another night at a Madonna concert.

Joey caught me worshiping.

A night that cannot be explained. Obama is the President of the United States and everyone in the place was so happy, including Madonna who forgot the words to Ray of Light and then screamed 'It's because I'm so FUCKING happy right now you guys!!" The energy was incredible, amazing, awesome.

I made a mini-movie of our Journey to Madonna and scoring the most incredible seats ever on the most incredible day ever! Seriously.

EDIT: the video below has been on and off working, so if it doesn't work, click here
Or try the link below: (one of them SHOULD work)

Journey 2 Madonna

Joy Of Joys! My excitement interpreted through dance....

So I'm sitting here trying NOT to think about the fact that in 9 or so hours, I'm seeing my girlfriend again. I'm NOT thinking about it because if I do, I am going to be completely useless as far as work goes.

So I'm NOT thinking about it until it's time to go to Joey's house.

HOWEVER, IF I were to revel in my excitement, IF you were to take a peek into my brain and see the level of excitement that's about to burst forth from the midge in a couple hours, IF my excitement could be interpreted through dance, it would totally look like this:


Sidenote: This hunk of fabulousness is the new love of my life.

October = Ike Turner. And this post = longest post in history. Sit down. Stay awhile.

Ike is to Tina as October was to me.

In other words, October bitch slapped me hard ...closed fist and everything. The good news is I left that asshole October, got a restraining order and my therapy is tomorrow night. (MA.DON.NA!!!!!!)
More on that later....

First thing's first, I started off my busy month at the end of September actually, doing my duties as an oh so holy ordained reverend and marrying off one of my bestest friends.

A flip flop wedding is, in my opinion, the best wedding there is by the way.

It was a nice warm up to my other best friend's wedding that I was due to officiate as well. And just when I started to feel like the most reverendy reverend who's ever reverended. October started to push me and call me nasty names.

The first weekend was my friend's bachelorette party, which ended up being an awesome slumber party with the girls and at least one of us mistaking the screen door as 'fog' outside and running into it face first. (Hi A!) Good times, good times. No half nekkid policeman came to the door to conduct any body inspections though because Brandie's not the kind of chick who would enjoy watching a male stripper.
The type of girl who would be into that sort of thing put her dollar bills discreetly back into my purse.

But then October felt bad for pushing me and the next weekend I was off on a cruise with one of my good friends, who I've known since elementary school, and her sister. Again, more good times was had by all. As the pictures below capture...

An emergency run through drill tried to thwart our efforts to feast upon the free buffet. It failed.

Our cruise begins with a bang as we encounter drunk chunk trying to fornicate onstage with the calypso band leader. She failed; however, I think the band leader had to change into clean pants midway through his set.

We decided we had to get in on whatever drunk chunk was drinking. But at $5.00 a pop, I ended up drinking one margarita that didn't get me drunk but did give me a wonky eye and Mel got confused and ordered a soda.

The guy who took this picture apparently had the same amount of drinks as drunk chunk because he swore up and down this picture was in focus. On a good note, we finally capture the term 'beer goggles' on film.

So we all decided to take it up the stern. And by 'it' I mean another picture. Probably not the brightest idea to do it at night as we could have easily taken this picture in our room and had the same effect with better lighting.

The next day we arrived at Ensenada, Mexico. We decided to take a bus to La Bufadora - this amazing gyser with shops nearby - and we were encountered by bus singer dude who insisted on taking pictures with 'the Barbies' and "Lucy Liu" - um, can you guess who was "Lucy Liu?"

I guess amazing in Spanish translates into 'meh' in English, because the brochures showed this huge Dirk Diggler like spout :

But all we got was this Ryan Seacrest hiss spittle that barely made it past the rocks:

This woman sportin' Boo pigtails was a more amazing, awe inspiring site to behold:

If you think that's great, you should have seen the mini skirt she was sporting. I was actually debating on whether it was a mini skirt or underwear with ruffles on it. Who can say? Alls I know is I love her.

But we were good sports and made a photo-op out of it anyways. See the tourist asses in the background? It really captures the moment does it not?

We shopped like we had two cents to our name because quite honestly, we only had three cents to our name. And we scored 'Prada' bags (or as we lovingly call them: Prado) for a bargain price. Check out Shannon with her designer imposter:


Then it was back on the boat for some more free food and watching drunk people who could afford drinks - or who would sober up quickly by the end of the weekend when they got their bill. Either way...it was a blast.

Drunk chunk makes another wobbly appearance at the karaoke bar! Hells yeah! At this point, we were all big fans.

And of course, no cruise would be complete without a bunch of drunken guys having a bromance and hitting on everything that moved. The guy in the white shirt was so drunk that we thought he might have been a little 'special' - in a helmet wearing, short bus kind of way.

That's not to say that we weren't tempted to hit on a few people on the boat......

Mel was clearly grabbing the pirate's ass. See how fake his smile is and how uncomfortable he looks???

Oh giant pumpkin, if only you loved me back.

These boys were fun but a little too young to hit on. Plus the aging prom queen in the red creeped us out. True story: One of the boys sang 'Hey There Delilah" to her..I guess...and she proceeded to get down on her knees on the dance floor, cry and blow kisses at him. If the cruise was our cake, then she was our icing.
See video of her royal hot mess here.

We were way too intimidated to hit on this hot piece.

Thank you Jesus! He answered my prayers for a hot stripper....kind of.

Each of us also did one thing that we wanted to do before the trip was over.

Shannon attended the country line dancing lessons....

And then yelled obscenities at her sister for ditching her mid-lesson.

Mel said screw line dancing, she was going to brave the giant water twisty slide. She was all gung ho before she realized how cold it was....

But she rocked down that slide anyways...

And of course, staying true to my Lucy Liu roots, I opted to sing a little karaoke with a few back up singers to boot. Please note the girl to the right had NO mike. That's how bomb ass we were..(I sang Bills, Bills, Bills, we were the Wal-Mart version of Destiny's Child. Hollah.)

Karaoke and booze brings forth new BFFs from out of no where!

Sadly, the fun had to end and I had to get back to real life. This picture captures how we all felt about coming back from the cruise...

Actually, that was our reaction to the hairy chest contest they were having on the liiidooo deck. But still, close enough. Because upon returning on Monday, October finally balled up his fists and began his ground and pound on my poor little body.

I had to immediately get the house gussied up (ie: CLEAN) for my house guests and prepare to get holy again because I was back on the reverend shift that coming Saturday!

Even though I was beat up, all went well with the wedding, and my reverend powers were unmatched.


Pronouncing them man and wife before I was officially drunk with power...
Hmm, wha? Levitate the DJ you say? It shall be done!!
Did I also mention my house guest Mary (a good ol' college bud) and her five year old daughter were staying with me that week too? So we hit the beach, the harbor and we took the girls to Lego land on their last day here...

The munchkin makes every photo op into a high fashion editorial. Please excuse her.

Finally, the next and FINAL weekend of October there was Halloween .....

Politically correct bi-racial Cinderella shows us how princessing is done.

And viking hubby as Dog The Bounty Hunter showing us how facial hair should NOT be done. Although that mullet is kind of sexy.

I finally came to my senses, bandaged up my wounds, and bid October a farewell. It was hard you know, because we had some good times, and really, you all don't know him like I know him...he could be very sweet when he wanted to be. But it's for the best ...because around the corner and one sleep away was November.

And November had a much bigger schlong.....in the form of MADONNA!!!!!!!!!!!

Seriously. It will be a vlog on my next post. Every little minute of my endless mission to be near Madge's vadges will be documented via video.

Me and madge, together again? Front row? It shall be done!!!

Happy Birthday Badass - I Heart Her So...

Because she rocks my world and it's the Queen's 50th birthday this Saturday....
I will see you in San Diego in November my love...(6th ROW..which in midget speak means FRONT ROW!!!! Trust and believe in the power of midget front row crawl)

(Side Note:FLF is slowly becoming FLM can you tell??)
More Madonna birthday stuff here.

Dreaming Out Loud. Really Loud. And Post Ridiculous Blogs About It.

Three day weekends.
(Sigh)
Can we have a 7 day weekend? I want more of those. Hopefully everyone had a good memorial day weekend! The fam and I spent it the usual way, on the beach, by the harbor. A little fish and chips, a scoop of ice cream, and some sand between ones toes equals a great weekend to me.

Okay, so I PROMISE after this I will put ALL Madonna posts in my Madonna blog, but this was just too good not to share with you guys.

Anyways, it seems like I'm somewhat on a roll with my good Madonna karma recently. The ultimate of course as you all know, was winning the trip to New York to see the Queen. Yesterday, I scored sixth row to her show here in San Diego via fan club presales. (but everything AFTER the third row is ebay time!) BUT the creepy, weird and exciting Madonna incident happened this past weekend whilst main gay Joey was reading our Madonna news on the internet. It has recently been reported that along with back up dancers, band members, etc. etc, Madonna is currently looking to incorporate THE ACCORDION into her shows.

(Insert picture of me with mouth agape)

Okay, let's just take a moment to soak up the amazingness and craziness of that last sentence.
Madonna. Wants. An. Accordion. Player.
What. The. Fuck.

And we do recall my posts almost a year to this day about my plans to take over Polkadonna style?!?! Hmmm?? Even weirder still? I recently signed up for proper accordion classes to take up my playing skills a notch BEFORE I knew that little ditty about Madonna feenin' for an accordion player.
She's calling out to me people! Practically BEGGING me to be by her side. And I for one can no longer ignore my girlfriend. So, through the magic of YouTube, I'll answer her call. (which of course I will post on here right after I send it to her).

And why mention it on this blog? Well everyone who's anyone knows the magic of your good vibes - :) So please, send me the magic so that I may fulfill my Polkadonna dream.

Remember chanting's good to. Here's one to get you started:

Ommmmm - letElaineplaypolkaforMadonna's tour - Ommmmmm - letElaineplaypolkaforMadonna's tour - Ommmmm - maybeshecanhookmeupwithticketswhenMadonnahitsmytown - Ommmmmm..

So there. Remember the drill: Say it, think it, lather, rinse, repeat.
All Hail Polkadonna.

The Strategizing Begins...All Hail the Madonna Army. (of two)

Just a little peek into the madness that follows an announcement of a Madonna tour. A PEEK, because for non-Madonna "I only like her old stuff" fans, getting more than a peek is like looking directly into the sun. Our obsession will burn your retinas out.

This morning Joey forwards me an email from ICON (Madonna's fan club....go ahead...laugh it up) announcing an additional tour date is in NY and that presale tickets for fan club members go up for sale today at 10am

Me: okay, this is for ny right? i think the presales for l.a. and san diego go on sale next week, the 27th I'm a legacy member too.
(*again, I can hear you laughing but FYI...Icon legacy members like myself get presales at 10 am and other measly non legacy members get it at noon. SO there, BOOYAH! ......... I know...I'm sad.)
i don't know...should i buy or just say screw it, buy at the door....last time i had to sell my ticket for less than I bought it for! OR score a really good ticket from the presales and sell on ebay!!! hmmm...

Joey: In my humble opinion, these presales are all just a carnival funhouse with fog and mirrors for our amusement. As such, I think we should have fun and try as hard as we can; you try for a pair from Icon at 10 and I will try the Citicard at noon. If we manage to get tickets in the first 10 rows, just buy them. If they are in the first three rows, we'll keep them and relax until November, but if they're past that point we will sell them on Stubhub for a small fortune and pay for our tickets at the door.

It's important that we don't forget that our priority is not just getting a ticket, because we both know now that any asshole can manage that. We have to get THE tickets that we want. Frankly, I've never come across a ticket online that was any better than the least of what was offered us at the venue, so why bother paying the fees? Further, I like the excitement of the hunt on that day; it was fun as hell showing up and going for it. Unless you can guaruntee I will be utterly happy up front, I prefer to surrender to destiny.

Me: agree agree agree on everything. first ten rows are a keeper, past third row, sell sell sell!
okay. got it.

now here's the question...catwalk or no catwalk? there's been conflicting reports on the madonna message board. if there IS a cat walk - it looks to be better than the catwalk for confessions because it extends to a T at the end of the catwalk. If there's no catwalk, then it truly is war.
i'm wearing camo. ;p

Joey: I HATE CONFLICTING REPORTS!!!!! If those Europeans are not lying to us, the T may be our Everest. Hopefully they will have a good seating chart the day of. If there is a T, then we are just going to have to use The Force to make a good judgement. Oooooooo, uncertainty!

Me: I know I know....I don't want to ruin the concert by going on that damn board but it looks like I'm going to have to take a peek just to see the stage set up.
we're getting front row dammit.
We
ARE!!!

Joey:(with two concert venue set ups from Petco Park attached to email)

Non- Madonna stage:


Madonna Stage:

Now girl look, see these two charts I've attached. The regular one is three sections AB&C. The Madonna one is two sections, but only 16 seats in each row. It's say that is clear cut proof of the existence of THE T. We are all about the T. So really, if you get tickets anywhere on the T (15 or 16 on one side or 1 and 2 on the other, I guess we will be set. Still the madjic happens on the main stage, so I will still try, unless I can get the first row at the end of the T. Oh, dear god, the complications. The vapors, dahling, the vapors, sweetie.

Me: Oh we looovveee the T, we love the T! of course, we aim high and we want front front row, main stage. But still... we love the T. oh and next time we shall double check with the box office...remember at Staples when that bitch SAID we would be by the end stage and instead we were 15 rows behind it??? I so wanted to walk up to that bastard and slap him until my money came back.

Joey: I need to see a map with the actual row and seat numbers, like the Forum had. I'll never trust those minimum wage Staples employees as long as I live!!!! It was pretty fun pretending we were sitting where we wanted to until the lights went down. Memories, sweetie.

Me: aaah memories of our mild anxiety attacks while we tried to be sneaky.... lessons learned dahling.

Joey: And those fabulous drunk bitches and their two hour search for their purse....... Classic times, dahling.

Me: HAHAHA! ogod I forgot about that... what about the unexpected pot smokers next to us who thought they were at a led zep concert?! Misty water colored memories...

Joey:....of the waaaaay we were.....

Yeah yeah, sorry if this bored you to tears but we get way too excited about this shit. It keeps us young :D

A Date With The Queen....

The last time I called into a radio show to try and win anything, hypercolor t-shirts and wearing overalls with one strap undone meant you were straight up stylin'. I can't tell you how many times I pounded my phone's buttons to try and win those New Kids On The Block tickets. But alas, my tiny little fingers were not nimble enough to win tickets to go see my lovely Donnie bust his sweet hangin' tough moves in those super sexy ripped jeans. I had to settle to listening to my tapes and kissing my giant NKOTB button. I was so emo.

So this morning, when I called into our local radio station to try and win Madonna's new cd and a chance to win a trip to NYC to see her, I knew my luck had changed when the phone rang after my third try.

"Hello?

"Yes, I'm calling for the Madonna contest?"

"Do you know how to play?"

"Yes, name four Madonna songs in four seconds." (pfft! Childs play!)

"Ok, please hold."

Could it be?? Had my luck changed? Were my fingers more nimble at 31 than it was at 13? Apparently it was because before I knew it, I was on the radio and I spouted off four Madonna songs with 3 seconds to spare. I won!!! And on Friday, they'll have the drawing for the big New York City concert! I was way more excited than I should have been, I mean really I'm only winning her new CD, which I already put on pre-order on Amazon, but A. I've never won anything on the radio before (see sad NKOTB story above), and B. I have a damn good chance of winning that trip in NYC! The contest is only a week long and there are three or four winners per day, so the odds of me seeing Madonna in NYC, are awesome.

So here I am blogging because you guys are pretty damn good at sending out the good vibes. So your assignment and mantra for the rest of this week is:

"Ommmm, let Elaine win and see her girlfriend Madonna in NYC, let Elaine win and see her girlfriend Madonna in NYC, Ommmmm."

Come on, say it, sing it, dance to it, master it in three different languages. Feel free to utilize this chant while doing your downward dog pose; because nothing gets the good vibes out there faster than having your ass in the air. Thank you in advance, kiss, kiss, hug, hug and if you hear some random screech echo throughout the world on Friday, that means I won. :)

She's Madgically Delicious!

Normally I spout my batshit crazy Madonna love on my other blog (because it can get messy at times) but with my girlfriend being inducted into the Rock & Roll all of fame yesterday, I'm making an exception today.
Today, like a good little Madonna disciple, I'm rejoicing (and defending) the Queen's induction.

Of course, as with everything Madonna does and says, even THIS honor - which was well deserved - was met with controversy over Madonna being "pop" and not "rock and roll."
First of all, let me just add that after 25 YEARS of churning out hit after hit, brilliant video after brilliant video and sold out, record breaking concert tours (that I contributed to HEAVILY last year thank youverymuch), holding the record for the highest grossing concert tour by a female artist. According to both the 2007 Guinness Book of Records and Forbes, she IS the top earning female singer in the world with an estimated net worth of over $325 million. What the fuck a girl gots to do to be legit???!!! The the fact that this woman is even being questioned proves the damn record industry is run by men. Because quite frankly, if Madonna had a penis, no one would question this induction let alone have two page articles in the New York Times criticizing and disregarding 25 years of Madonna's work.

I'm not one to pull the "feminist" card believe me, especially because when I hear "feminist" I automatically think of sideburns and flannel shirts, but for this, I had to call foul. Why? Because from the very beginning Madonna always had bigger balls than they ever did. Leaving a dance scholarship in Michigan in 1977, flying to New York, and asking the cabbie to drop you off "in the middle of everything" is pretty ballsy to begin with (he dropped her off at Time's Square with only 35 dollars in her pocket, a couple years later she was performing "in the middle of everything."). But this would continue after she got successful, refusing to let her record execs "mold" her into the next "Pat Benatar" or the next "anything." She's one of the first female artists who had complete control of her image and had the final creative say in her music and videos. Madonna was also one of the few artists at the time that owned stock in her record label AND demanded that she get a percentage of her record sales. They hated her for it. She was also extremely sexual but in a way that again, the record executives couldn't control or use to demean her. Her sexuality wasn't molded and prepackaged by the record label for profit as in most female pop stars. Her sexuality was natural, controversial, uncontrollable and instead of the woman being reduced to a "sexual object," she owned her sexuality as part of her power and turned men into "objects." (half naked male mermaids in the "Cherish" video, half naked male workers in "Express Yourself," - seriously, a woman after my own heart).

Despite their contempt for Madonna, in the end they couldn't really say anything because she was successful. They were Madonna's bitch and for 25 years, like a bunch of spiteful little boys, they've tried with all their might through the media to bring her down a notch so they could regain control. Ask me how many "pop stars" today would have survived the onslaught of media criticism she endured when her controversial SEX book came out in the 90s. She was called everything in the book, including a tramp on the front page of the paper. With female pop stars of today, there would have been breakdowns, public apologies, and most likely their career would never be the same. Then again, it would have never happened to another pop star because there is no way their record label would allow it. As a matter a fact, Warner Brothers "forbade" Madonna to release the book, so what did Madonna do to remind the record executives who was the boss? She created her own record label (Maverick) to which she had total artistic control over any of the work released by Maverick and released her book through her own multi-media label. You think I'm a tramp? Let me show you how much of a tramp I can really be and yet still be in control and still be successful.

If that isn't rock n' roll. I don't know what is.

Madonna deserves it because she got to where she is by hard work and by being better and smarter than everyone else around her. There's so much more I could say but if you just look at a CLIP at her body of work, I just don't see why there was a question that she shouldn't be in the Hall of Fame. To say her music is "pop" and not "rock and roll" is ridiculous. Pop stemmed from rock and roll. Shit, if you listen to Elvis' music, most of that sounds "pop" does it not? It's a ridiculous argument and I guess it all comes down to how you define rock and roll. I define it as creating music that evokes emotion, good or bad, non-conformity, "expressing yourself" (sorry for the pun), not compromising your music for other people's benefit, and more importantly, helping my 12 year old self realize that yes indeedy you can be a woman, be strong, be feminine and grab your crotch with absolutely no apologies.

That's rock and roll.
Viva La Madge.


"If knowing what I want and going after it means I'm a bitch...then okay."
-Madonna

Because She Pleases Me So...

It may seem like only yesterday but 25 years ago on April 24, 1982, Sire Records honcho Seymour Stein released a single called "EVERYBODY" on Warner Bros. Records by an unknown singer from Rochester, Michigan by the name of Madonna Louise Veronica Ciccone. To say the world would never be the same is an understatement. The song went on to become a huge dancefloor hit and was heard all over the radio in the Summer of 1982. That little girl from Michigan would go on to become one of the most famous entertainers and cultural icons in history - selling close to 200 million records and remaining a star of enormous magnitude and influence for the next 25 years. She's just getting started. Long Live the Queen and Happy Anniversary to Madonna.



1983: Heard of Madonna. Was very "eh" about her..I was more interested in riding my banana seat bicycle around town at this point.




1984: I heard Like A Virgin and asked a fellow classmate in school why she was being "such a Virgin.." The teacher asks me what I thought Virgin meant and I said..."that's when you don't like to be touched right??" (Well that's what Madonna said! "Touched for the very first time..")
hahaha! Oh the memories of my idiocy makes me giggle...



1985: My best friend Judy would sing like her and put her hair up ala Material girl to annoy me.



1986: I liked Madonna's hair better...



1987: I really liked Las Isla Bonita video...Also saw Like A Prayer and didn't understand what the big hoo ha was about.



1988: Married to Sean Penn around this time. My mom bought the Enquirer that had their wedding photos in it. I thought her dress was ghastly.



1989: I witnessed Madonna grab her crotch in a video and I immediately fell in love.



1990: The more naked and bold Madonna got, the more I was fascinated. I bought Entertainment Magazine that had Madonna hitchhiking nude and hid it from my mom.



1991: Cone Bras baby....



1992: I see Truth or Dare in the 90s and the love grows....(snuck into the theatre of course..)



1994: Madonna really into whips and shows visual images of her dominating over men. I swoon. But her mommy won't let her go to the Girlie Show concert....



1994: Take A Bow...Madge puts some clothes back on. She got cold.



1995: Looking stunning at the MTV Video Awards. This is when Courtney Love attempts to throw compacts at Madge. Madge subtly calls her a drughead and Courtney thinks its a compliment.



1996: "Don't Cry For Me Argentina..."



1997 Madonna puts the "globes" in Golden Globes with her post birth hooters.



1998: Ray Of Light comes out. Wins a grammy. Best album ever.



1999: The Geisha lis my favorite Madonna look thus far....



2000: My first Madonna concert....peed my pants, immediately went home, got on ebay, bought more tickets and peed my pants some more....



2001: Guy Ritchie is hot....




2002: The ol' gal is still kickin' ass....



2003: Britney got to kiss Madonna??? Oh the cruel injustice of this unfair world.....I hope Madonna gargled, rinsed and repeated. Red Bull and Cheetohs leave a mean aftertaste.



2004: My second concert, right after having a baby. I was going on very little sleep but dammit I was going to go! Madonna emerged in this wierd handstand pose and I felt rejuvenated.



2005: Bringing Leotards back....



2006: My third and most expensive concert thus far since I went three times, but of course it was worth it. The day I lost complete bowel control was the best day of my life. Let's relive the moment shall we?? (Hear Elaine soils herself at the end, when you hear her scream.."Oh my Go...") Good times. Good times.






2007 New album coming out late this year. Woot.



Here's to hoping that Madonna turns into an indestructible cyborg and every year of my life can be a Madonna year.