Tuesday, May 05, 2009

The Queen Twatted Me And It Felt Dirty In A Good Way.....

Following a celebrity on twitter is pretty interesting. I'm not too starstruck as a general rule, but it's interesting getting a peek into their world and twitter is probably the closest you can get without literally following them at a restraining order distance. It does feel personal, but only from the non-celeb side. The celeb most likely doesn't follow you back, (except LadyGaGa! hey gurl! Did I mention I don't get starstruck?) doesn't know you, doesn't care - most of the time, they only tweet their other celeb friends. A lot of them do respond to the masses, but the more followers they have, obviously your chances of getting a reply are slim to none.

So you can imagine the sheer twitter vomit pandemonium it causes when Madonna jumps onto her manager's twitter and starts to tweet.

And sure, I'm right there making feeble attempts to attract the Queen's attention. I've proposed to her numerous times, sexually twittered harassed her, I've told her that her ass is such a work of art that it should have it's own world tour. I throw those twats out there, not really expecting a response, because thousands of other people are doing the same thing. I just hope she'll read one and go, "Oh LadyHAHA, she's a hoot!" (yes, Madonna uses the word 'hoot.' Don't question me.)

On May 1st, a day that will now be in the midget history books, Madonna jumped onto her manager's twit account and started twitting away about how she was at Jessica Seinfield's house cooking. I did my usual twitter come-ons, asking her what she was wearing and other pervy shit like that. I only twatted her three times and almost called it a night, so imagine how the midget's bowels loosened upon her cabbage patch pants when, from the clouds, royalty touched my computer screen and asked me....

guyoseary@LadyHAHA tell us a joke..
Oh! My! SkidMarks!
Did she...?
Is she...?

The Queen has asked me to dance!!! Oh yes, Queen, a dance I will do! And dance I did. I told her as many jokes I could possibly think of. She signed off a couple minutes after. I still don't know if she got to see any of my jokes. But with her one magic twat, she's officially appointed me to be her royal jester and I'm happily taking the job. And really, she's given my twits a focal point (jokes) which is good because if i twitted about real life, it would be little nuggets of extreme importance and interesting topics like this:

Just woke up, had a cup of sugar and cream with a dash of coffee.

My ass itches. Should probably take a shower soon.

I want Circus Peanuts.

I gotta fart. Oh wait. no.....I gotta go to the bathroom.

Phew, close call.

Although, I have a feeling she might have read some of my jokes and it might have tickled something in her because she gave me the Hahas right back when she wore this to the NYC Met's Costume Gala last night:

Oh Madge. Darling, my love, time to get rid of some of those 'Yes' men/women who are clearly doing their job all too well. Or maybe, just MAYBE, she was SO inspired by my humor that she wanted to physically represent my hilarity via a hilarious outfit! Another attempt to reach out to me? A subtle way of saying, yes midget/LadyHAHA, I love you too? Perhaps.

It really is the only logical conclusion.


Beth said...

Tell her that you play the accordion. Tell her!!

Karen MEG said...


Like a lemming I follow Ashton/Demi, and I also follow Jon Favreau, for I don't know WHAT reason???!!!

But I've had a couple of celebrity twits with Bonnie Fuller, if you can call her a celeb (US weekly editor, formerly Cosmo, Marie Claire...). She likes butter tarts, what can I say, we're both Canadian.

Nowhere near as cool as you :)!

BTW, I liked Madge's outfit, despite the headgear. Those boots, especially.