Tuesday, April 11, 2006

This Blog Post Has A.D.D.

After having several small heart attacks and "sleep Vogue-ing" in the middle of the night, my psychiatr..er.. I mean... "doctor" has advised me to buy Madonna tickets as soon as possible and call him in the morning. So I did just that. I gave in. I could NOT hold out until the day of the concert in "hopes" that I get a floor seat and most of all, I COULD NOT stand NOT having tickets in my possesion within minutes of the box office opening. For her Drowned World Tour, I got tickets within two minutes of the box office opening and for her Reinvention Tour, I got tickets in literally seconds. Having NO ticket DAYS after the box office opened caused a mild rupture in my brain which resulted in some uncontrollable drooling and spontaneous barking at strangers.

Not attractive.

SO after the second date for Los Angeles was announced, I snatched up my ticket and got a note from my doctor that I was safe enough to go out into the general public once again. I got VERY LUCKY with my ticket too. ..I did not get floor seats but I got the risers right above the floor, which is good for a midget like myself. For Reinvention Tour, I got Loge 9, which was super CLOSE to the stage. I am even closer this year AND she has a runway running on either end of the stage. Holy cow! I'm so excited I think I might re-injure myself!

I also looked on Ebay for tickets and prices are going from the ridiculous to the completely insane for seats that are WORSE than mine! I mean, I LOVE Madonna but paying THIS much for a front row ticket is NUTS. And that's coming from ME...( cuckoo! cuckoo!)
I wouldn't pay that even if Madonna and Guy Ritchie provided "special favors" for me after the show!!! I mean, I would certainly pause and think about it sure.....
AND Coachella is in less than 3 WEEKS!!!! YAAAAAAAYYYYYYAAAAAYYYY!!! Me and Madonna in a small tent!!!

I think I just soiled myself.

In other news... (I'll change my pants later) .....show of hands how many people thought that this kiss:

Looked at lot like this kiss:

You too huh!? At first I thought it was Michael and Ryan kissing, which, oddly enough, was easier to wrap my brain around than Ryan actually kissing a WOMAN.

on other, other news....

It seems like there is nothing on television these days but new reality shows coming out of the woodwork.. I gave a few of them a try and most of them were dead on arrival. Top Chef was one that I just couldn't vibe with. Although it had the lure of food, it also had bitchy chefs. Making food and being an ass is like eating a Cinnabon while you're taking a shit. It just doesn't go. I don't want a cupful of your anger with a side of chip on the shoulder. Thanks. Top Chef should be a cast of fat, cherub like folk, who smile, laugh and make awesome food. Food and drama just don't mix. Another one that got my panties in a bunch was "The Real Housewives of The OC," or something like that. Listen, I'm the first to admit that I'm amused by the antics of rich stupid folks... I watch Laguna Beach for goodness sakes'. But there is a GIANT difference between teenagers who are being teenagers..(except they have money) and ADULTS who are being teenagers, with money AND WITH kids. I could barely make it through the show without throwing my remote at the television. Things, things things, these things will make me who I AM. If I get a nip, tuck, injections, boob job, hair extensions, etc. etc. I will be more worthy. And HEY, while I'm at it, it will show the kids that what they possess and what they look like, is what makes them who they are! Great fucking parenting asswipes. I swear, the Laguna Beach teenagers seem more civil that these sad ass, "grown women" who "have it all." If THAT is "having it all," then no thanks, I'll keep my postage sized condo, in my so so neighborhood, my comfortable, no brand clothes from Target, (wha wha! God I love Target), my six year old truck and my NATURAL boobies that stay up with a little help from a bra and nothing else, just as long as my daughter grows up knowing that in our house, you're celebrated and rewarded for ideas and THINKING and not for "things" and the brand name on your ass! Sorry..I don't mean to get preachy but that show really chapped my hide! I mean, seriously, its nice to have good stuff, its nice to laugh and point at celebrities but to fashion yourself, your life and your KIDS purely through material things is disturbing and CPS should be called on yo ass! And it's not just on television, if you live in L.A. you know this is REAL and its sad. (I guess its happening in Arizona too.. check out Debi's blog about Trendy Parents. ) SCAWY.

Oh and just in case you were wondering...my hair has now reached The David Cassidy Stage:

Please someone give me a kick in the ass the next time I get decide to cut all my hair off please.

This post blows. So let's wrap this up before it gets ugly.

So in summary, I got Madonna tickets, blah blah blah blah, david cassidy hair, blah blah blah,
I GOT MADONNA TICKETS, blah blah blah, I see Madonna in less than three weeks, blah blah, Madonna. The end.

Forgive me.


Anonymous said...

I just wanted to say hi. I enjoyed your post, and I think you look both adorable and hot with short hair.


Lightning Bug's Butt said...

I have a David Cassidy song or two on my MP3 bank.

Shannon Bieger said...

Who is the first couple kissing? I know, I'm so out of the celebrity loop. I can't tell though.

OMG I cannot watch Real Housewives. I watched the tail end of one episode and was so annoyed. I can't watch a show if I wanna bitch slap people in it. It frustrates me to have the desire to bitch slap yet not be allowed to fulfill said bitch-slapping desire. So I just don't watch so as not to torment myself.

LOL woohoo for David Cassidy hair. Let's see it!

Congrats on the Madonna tickets. Now maybe Brad can sleep without pepper spray under his pillow. ; )

J. said...

You crack me up.
But yes, those parents are scary aren't they? CPS worthy for sure. Idiots.
Go Madonna!
Shit, did I just say that?

Elaine said...

anonymous: awww I'm still "hot"??? shaddup. you makin' me blush...sniff sniff.. THANKS! Come back and compliment me anytime!

lbb: David Cassidy kicks ass.

shannon: that is ryan seacrest and terrence.. I mean, TERI Hatcher. ew. And I'm glad I'm not the only one who couldn't stomach RH of The OC. Stupid ass show. How those women walk and talk is beyond me. SPADE OR NEUTRED. Scheriously.

J: GURRRL...you know you be "sleep vogue-ing" too! Madonna. Gotta love her.

Mitchell Allen said...

I thought the dog farts caused the brain malfunction. You don't need a shrink if he can't even tell the difference between czm and MCA syndromes! (canine zephyr malaise and Madonna Concert Angst)

J. said...

No! That was cool! Oh, the love!
Thanks chick.

Riss said...

Blehh, I get grossed out when I see Michael Jackson. Screw the jury verdict, I know a pedophile when I see one.

Dark Damian said...

Oh my god, I lost my shit when I read this: "Making food and being an ass is like eating a Cinnabon while you're taking a shit."

I'm literally hurting from laughing. Thanks. I don't think laugh-related injuries are covered on my in-SURE-ance.

Leilouta said...

I am happy for you. You definitely should post some pictures of the concert, OK?
I watched the "The Real Housewives of The OC" last week, and yea you're right. It is ridiculous. My least favorite person on the show is the fiance of the Peruvian brunette. He is obnoxious. I don't see why she's with him. It must be the money.

Judy said...

Ooooh, you would hate this new "Upscale" Wal Mart they have here in one of the most upscale neighborhoods in the Dallas area. The parking lot alone is like a car show. I'm surprised they don't have valet. I've never seen so much silicone and Louis Vuitton at a Wal Mart....
David Cassidy hair? I'm sure you look sexy.

popfizz said...

Who's this Madonna you keep talking about?

Is she that actress from those horrific movies??

I heard she used to sing and dance or something... maybe it was Debbie Gibson I was thinking about. Not sure.

Elaine said...

Fizz: Oh no you diduuuunnnttt...!!!
Hello. "Who's That Girl?" got robbed come Oscar time.

Mitch: My brain malfunctions at a drop of hat. Farts or not getting tickets, it doesn't matter..what with the botched lobotomy and all..

Riss: I know what you mean about MJ. I feel bad for those kids he has. how much more screwed up will they be?

dd: did you find your shit after you lost it? I wouldn't want to be the person finding it...;D thanks mister!

leilouta: OF COURSE I will post pictures.. this blog will temporarily be a Madonna Fan site after each concert. I'll try to make it as entertaining as possible for the non-Mad fans. Like Fizz up there ^^^^^^^

Judy: damn right this hair is sexy. I have to fight the lesby butchies off me whenever I go out!!

Leilouta said...

Elaine, Can I ask you a question?Was it easy for you to change your template? How did you do it? Can I design my own in Photoshop or Illustrator first?