My Mood Swing Is Equipped With A Baby Seat.

You know, I can keep a poorly written post up for weeks on end, I post cheesy youtube vids up just because I'm lazy, I even post half-assed FLFs (yeah remember those?) just to say I did it but I cannot for the life of me leave a whiny, wah wah baby post up for long.

So forget the last post. Yes, I'm still sad that we might have to move and thank you everyone who posted comments - seriously, it really did make me feel better about the whole situation. I can get quite dramatic and over the top when the waterworks start coming in so it's nice to have people reel me back into the reality of the situation. (along with the bright side) And hey - as of now I'm still in Cali. and I'm going to be thankful because...oh that's right, in a couple days it's THANKSGIVING! And no matter what happens in the future, this year, I'm celebrating in shorts and flip flops and just keep telling myself that everything happens for a reason.
So this is me with a straw, sucking it the fuck up.

Ooh brain freeze. I also thank, this kid because you just can't stay sad after watching that.

Moving right along..let's have a peek at the Hollywood freakshow shall we?
(see? This isn't even a half-assed FLF, this is a 3/4 buttcheek FLF!)

So when two vapid idiots have a baby, does a black whole swallow up the parents to prevent them from passing their idiocy on to their child? Unfortunately, no. Last time I checked, Tommy Lee and Pamela Anderson are still polluting the atmosphere with their overinflated sense of self worth and pock marked genitals. But I'm not talking about that crusty couple, I'm talking about Peter Wentz and Asslee Simpson's new bundle of joy; Bronx Mogli Wentz.

Let that name sink in a little bit. Then hope this child gets a free car from the BMW for advertising their initials for the rest of his life. Plus, when other boys go out and play catch with their fathers, this poor kid is going to go on mani-pedi outings with his dad. I'm sure Peter can't wait to pass on his straight iron to his little man. If anyone deserves a BMW, it's this poor child.
Do you think they take turns breast feeding?

Anyways, mark this date on your calendar. The day the midget kind of, sort of, talks smack about the Queen. First of all - girrrl, between me and you, drop the A-Tard. Please. Go have your fling and then pat his ass gently out the door. No overnight stays, no kissing on the lips, and from the looks of him, no talking. Just a fling girl, then fling him out the window. I don't approve of this affair on so many levels, but mostly because he always looks like he's huffed a few too many computer cleaners. There's a Mary Jo Buttafuco thing going on with his face that just doesn't sit well with me. And I'm betting all my circus peanuts and diet Dr. Pepper that he's an open mouth breather. Second, this dress.

The only way this dress will ever be okay is if I can smoke it off you baby.
Or if you were just being festive....
Because if that's the case, then I'll be more than happy to check out the presents under that tree. BazzZING! (I love the mother of all cougars okay. Don't judge me.) I still heart you Ms. Ciccone. Marry me, adopt me, or kidnap me so I don't have to live in Missouri. Amen.

This year's sexiest man alive was Hugh Jackman, which was a HUGE improvement from last year's pick, Matt Damon. Matt Damon gets me about as hot as a bowl of Grapenuts.
So good pick People magazine because I definitely agree. He is fwine...

Sexiest man this year? I agree!!
I agree again,and again, and one again for every ab muscle...

Phew! Gettin' hot up in here with those fine ass pictures. I think I'm going to need a bowl of Grape Nuts to cool down a little...or get a picture of Matt Damon - same thing.
Although, on a side note, I have a feeling Mr. Jackman might not be opposed to having a little tickle pickle party with Mrs. Tom Cruise. If you get what I'm Clay Aiken sayin....

Sing it girl!!

Another reason I'm cheering up so fast is I get to relive my pre-pubey tweeny days of awkwardness with my friend Jenessa because The Block is in town baby! As in not so new kids.
Although, you know with my budget, our seats will be in the cheapy sections so high up that I'm positive we'll need to hire a sherpa just to get up there.

(The cheapy tickets are like 40 bucks I think and the sad thing is I sold something on ebay just to get some extra cash for this. - thank you random stranger who FINALLY bought my PX90 dvds after I posted it for several weeks.)

So what to do in such drastic measures? Act like a fool of course and throw all dignity out the window. (Thank goodness I lost my shiny box of dignity about three Madonna concerts ago). I'm going to beg for better tickets via a sign, a handful of kazoos and some brilliant kazoo playing on my part. I'm pretty sure once the New Kids get word that an awesome albeit freakishly short chick is out front playing nkotb songs via a kazoo they'll throw the backstage doors wide open for us with front row tickets in hand right?
Right? For sure right??

You think I'm joking but really you'll be there...

Video coming soon! (it won't be a five hour vid this time I promise)

Am I Too Old To Be Adopted By Brangelina?

I'm here you guys and I'm having kind of a poopy Monday so if you're in a good mood, read my blog later. I'm about to vent and you guys have to take the brunt of it.

So suffice it to say that this has been one of the most dismal years we've ever had financially. I've made a slight mention of this before on my blog and really, I think a majority of the people are in the same boat as I am. It's not like we were rolling in money before however we've never had to depend on our bank's bounce protection just to get us through the week. We've never had to choose which bill not to pay just so we could get some groceries. Prior to this year, our credit was stellar and now, well ... I don't even want to go there. It's gotten to the point that viking hubby's blood pressure is through the roof and it looks like the possibility of moving back to his hometown (Missouri) is imminent.

On paper I just can't argue, he doesn't like California but the poor guy has lived here pretty much for ME for 12 years, his parents will be nearby so the munchkin can have some grandparents around because my parents are gone and retired in the Philippines, not to mention that everything else will be cheaper as far as housing goes. So yeah, it's suppose to be a good thing.

But still ....Missouri. I don't know how I'm going to be able to handle it guys. I'm crying right now as I type this like a big fat baby because I love where I live so much. My dreams have always consisted of us living in California. Especially the munchkin growing up in California, experiencing differences in food, people, culture, ideas and just not being boxed in with 'small town' ideas. I know that in some ways growing up in 'small town' is good, there is a sense of community and safety that you just don't get from a big city. However, it's that's 'safety' that I'm afraid of. My biggest fears is for the munchkin to be afraid of trying new things, going to different places, experiencing different people because she's lived in such a sheltered box. I've met people in Missouri that haven't been out of the country, seen the ocean and have no desire to! I understand if you've never been out of the country because that is pretty expensive but not having the DESIRE to is something I just can't wrap my head around. I've met people who think driving a half hour to another town is "far away!' I hope to God that the munchkin doesn't end up like that. I KNOW not everyone is like that in the midwest, I'm just basing this on the people I've talked to and things I've seen when we are there. So if you don't fit that mold and you live in the midwest, will you move next to me??? ;p

But now, with everything so unaffordable, with viking hubby's health on the line and with us living from paycheck to paycheck, even though I have two jobs (both from home thank goodness but the one job I love - model scouting - of course doesn't pay as much or as often) I have no more arguments to give as to why we should be living here. None.

I'm sorry for this pity party, I just need to do it here and now because I don't want to make this transition to move terrible for viking hubby. I know it kills him to take me away, especially with all the plans we made together about maybe living on a houseboat in a couple years, etc. That's pretty much a ridiculous pipe dream at this point. Maybe it will happen in the future (I swear I'm always trying to think positive no matter what this blog post may sound like) - meanwhile, at this time, I have to suck it up, grow up and do what's best for the family.

But for now, I'm going to blubber and cry on the internet. I hope you don't mind if I get a little snot on your screen. I'll go have another cup of coffee and overdose myself on caffeine so that I can cheer up again. Maybe it won't be that bad living with horseflies, cows, snow, and not a Filipino in sight.

Yeah. I think I'll need two pots of coffee and a giant bong to make that idea sound even remotely good.