Silly is How I Forgot I Had To Write A Post About Silly.

SILLY IS ..... this article that gave a list of foods that would suppress your appetite. Eating stuff like apples, nuts, leafy greens, pickles .... I realize these are all things to fill up my stomach so I don't feel hungry. But being 'hungry' is not really the problem. The problem is that even when I'm full, there's ALWAYS room at the inn for a Teriyaki burger and a kit kat. That's the real problem and the only solution is to magically make a bowl of salad taste like a bowl of rocky road ice cream. So please, take that sad little apple you're telling me to eat, slice it up, put some caramelized sugar and cinnamon on top of it, tuck it all in a warm bed of crust and watch me eat it in three bites. Oink.

SILLY IS... diet tips from someone whose ass is as big as mine. I always make sure to take copious notes so I can look back on it later and remind myself what NOT to do.

SILLY IS... Britney Spears. I know. I can't help it. I'm totally amazed by her popularity. I mean REALLY? Are we really getting excited about an album that she has not ONE song writing credit? And it's not like she was busy brushing up on her dancing skills as was clearly demonstrated by her 'performance' on Good Morning America. I have a theory that a real life 'Weekend at Bernie's' is happening here. Crazy bald headed Britney slipped on her own puddle of Vicodin induced sweat years ago and broke her neck on the sidewalk. Since then, old voice audio has been auto tuned and spliced together to create new songs then her body is propped and prodded onstage to thousands of delusional fans. Those record producers are clever folk.

SILLY IS... the loss of my balls. I used to love watching horror movies and scaring myself but nowadays, I can barely watch a trailer for a scary movie without looking away or putting my hands over my eyes like an ass wad. I really want to watch Paranormal Activity but like I said, I'm waiting for my balls to drop.

SILLY IS... what my daughter calls her vagina. She calls it her 'Pinkers' and I die laughing EVERY. TIME.

SILLY IS... how I'm completely and totally obsessed with my phone. I'm constantly fingering it. I'm always taking off and adding on apps, I read books on it, watch t.v., use it as a flashlight, use it as a GPS, communicate with it, use the internet, play games, listen to music, Skype on it, if it came with an attachment, I'm pretty sure it'd be my vibrator too.

SILLY IS...how old my wardrobe is. When you find a shirt with no holes and call it a 'going out' shirt, I think it's time to schedule a trip to the mall don't you?

SILLY IS ... The Regular Show. I can't get enough of it.

SILLY IS... how L and L this post is. (Late and Lame.) Sorry folks, I am fresh out of clever patties this week. Let's try again next week shall we?

The Secret World of Good Green and Bad Green

Green is a color, the perception of which is evoked by light having a spectrum dominated by energy with a wavelength of roughly 520–570 nanometres (I'm going to assume that in the color world, Green is really well hung!) The word green can be used to describe the color of plants or can be used as an expression or slang. But little is known or can be found about the battle of the good and bad greens.

The quiet war between good greens and bad greens has gone on since Adam picked his first booger. When greens are little babies, they are forced to choose between being a good green or a bad green. The ongoing green war between being fresh and clean or rotted and vile still goes on in front of us everyday. Let me introduce you to the main players of both armies.

GOOD GREEN: Corporal Key Lime Pie.


Made from the most honorable of greens (a lime), this good green has been known to satisfy millions of tastes buds. The impressive combination of sweet and sour with the light and airy texture is enough to make you sit back with each bite to savor the flavor harmony humping your mouth. Key Lime is a green of high stature and quality that can turn your tongue into its groupie.

BAD GREEN: Head Commander Green Meat.


A truly disgusting specimen that not only attacks you visually, but in most cases, it also attacks right up through your smellin' holes. It zips by your nose hair as though they weren't there and kicks your gag reflexes right in the balls. Stay classy green meat.

GOOD GREEN: Super Warlock Cannabis.


Misjudged by many and secretly loved by almost everyone (AFTER they meet him.) This green is stoic, calm, peace loving and has been known to bestow its joy to everyone he encounters. Cannabis loves up everyone's Autonomic Nervous System, making it feel special and pretty. That in turn, expands the individual's breath, relaxes their body and oxygenates their blood, leaving them to feel cleansed, happy and peaceful. Unfortunately, there has been an old rumor following the Cannabis family for years that they are a green of the bad variety. This vile untruth has limited Super Warlock Cannabis to doing their magic with only a handful of people. (And by the way, Super Warlock Cannabis and Corporal Key Lime Pie totally hooked up.Oooh! Gossip!! We're bad!)

BAD GREEN: High Wizard Bile.

Ill mannered and bad tempered, this seemingly harmless liquid can pack quite a disgusting punch. A lazy son of a bitch that's usually quiet and does its job, it takes great pleasure having a night out right when you feel like it's time to turn in. After you've puked the entire contents of a liquor store out your mouth and all you want is a cold glass of water to wash the alcohol, rotting food flavor it left, bile comes in at the very end to kick you while you're down. It comes alone, with no other flavors to mask it's bitterness. Bile is a strong, bad green force that can take down the strongest of men just by showing up.

GOOD GREEN: Master General Green Hills of Ireland.


Majestic and impressive, the Green Hills of Ireland are so exquisite that a whole country mainly represents itself to the color green because of it's grandeur. Simply put, these hills are alive with the sounds and feelings of awesome. A beauty so powerful, you clutch your pearls in disbelief.

BAD GREEN: Ninja Sensei Money.


The most suave of all the bad greens, a master of disguise. Everyone has met him and everyone knows that, despite how many doors he can open and how many things he can purchase, he has the power to ruin lives, cause wars, envy and hate among people who aren't aware or choose not to be aware of his skills. He is used for both good and bad, but in the end, this is the kindling of choice to feed the fire of evil.

So there you have it, the green front lines. Imaginary non-informational nonsense brought on by fatigue, hunger and being slightly constipated. Reading this post was a lot like being front row to a Gallagher show isn't it? It seems like it should be enjoyable and hey, everyone's laughing so something's funny right? However, in the end, you walk away with sticky hair, a couple of watermelon seeds up your nose and the feeling of being slightly ripped off.

Turkey, Mashed Potatoes and a heaping helping of beantown boys!

That picture is just some image I pulled up on google, but basically it's me about 15 or so years ago. Minus the Peggy Hill hair, and those mini-dildos she's holding...(what are those????)
OH and wtf with the Michael Jackson posters? Replace those with Michael J. Fox posters and then we'd really be in business.

Anyywaysss.....that picture took longer to explain that I wanted.

A long long time ago, my little midget ass got bamboozled by five boys from bean town. I was one of the many tween minions who would go to Spencer's Gifts at the mall and clean them the fuck out of NKOTB buttons that were the size of plates. And god forbid if another girl was there trying to hoard all the Donnie buttons because she would get the back of her head clubbed by a 4'8 hormonal tyrant. (ahem). And yes, I'll give you a moment to chuckle at the fact that I'm the exact same height now as I was in sixth grade.

You all right now? Have you wiped off your tears of hilarity? Okay, moving right along.

NKOTB represent the days where the only worry I had in my little head was if I could get my mom and dad to buy me a Big Bopper AND a Tiger Beat magazine the next time we went to Vons. My daddy even got me tickets to their Magic Summer concert, (thanks Daddy!) although my seat was so far up they appeared to be the same size as they were on my button. Regardless, I never forgot that day and I never thought in my wildest dreams that I would EVER go to a New Kids On The Block concert EVER EVER again. Especially in my thirties (EARLY thirties....emphasis on EARLY). So imagine my utter glee when they announced a comeback. I thought I was going to be the only jack ass excited over this, but judging from their recent success, I'm not the only jack ass holding on to their t-shirts and buttons.....and a flag, and some comic books, and a hardcover coffee table book, and ...well you get the picture, if not a clear visual of why my garage is cluttered.

So this past week, I was reunited with my boyfriends again and I had a fellow NKOTB jackass with me! (Hi Jenessa!). We got there with no tickets and were informed within a couple minutes of getting to the Nokia theater that they were sold out but there was a 'small chance' they might sell some leftover crap tickets later. Long story short, they did offer crap tickets...we said no and waited. (I have Madonna concert experience remember?)...they offered us less crappy tickets... we said no...and waited, and waited...until...

"Hey girls, would you like two tickets in the fifth row at the pit?"


SOLD!!!!! And for a night, two stay at home moms were 12 years old again....

Here's our magical night with our long lost boyfriends!