Monday, April 04, 2011

Silly is How I Forgot I Had To Write A Post About Silly.


SILLY IS ..... this article that gave a list of foods that would suppress your appetite. Eating stuff like apples, nuts, leafy greens, pickles .... I realize these are all things to fill up my stomach so I don't feel hungry. But being 'hungry' is not really the problem. The problem is that even when I'm full, there's ALWAYS room at the inn for a Teriyaki burger and a kit kat. That's the real problem and the only solution is to magically make a bowl of salad taste like a bowl of rocky road ice cream. So please, take that sad little apple you're telling me to eat, slice it up, put some caramelized sugar and cinnamon on top of it, tuck it all in a warm bed of crust and watch me eat it in three bites. Oink.

SILLY IS... diet tips from someone whose ass is as big as mine. I always make sure to take copious notes so I can look back on it later and remind myself what NOT to do.

SILLY IS... Britney Spears. I know. I can't help it. I'm totally amazed by her popularity. I mean REALLY? Are we really getting excited about an album that she has not ONE song writing credit? And it's not like she was busy brushing up on her dancing skills as was clearly demonstrated by her 'performance' on Good Morning America. I have a theory that a real life 'Weekend at Bernie's' is happening here. Crazy bald headed Britney slipped on her own puddle of Vicodin induced sweat years ago and broke her neck on the sidewalk. Since then, old voice audio has been auto tuned and spliced together to create new songs then her body is propped and prodded onstage to thousands of delusional fans. Those record producers are clever folk.

SILLY IS... the loss of my balls. I used to love watching horror movies and scaring myself but nowadays, I can barely watch a trailer for a scary movie without looking away or putting my hands over my eyes like an ass wad. I really want to watch Paranormal Activity but like I said, I'm waiting for my balls to drop.

SILLY IS... what my daughter calls her vagina. She calls it her 'Pinkers' and I die laughing EVERY. TIME.

SILLY IS... how I'm completely and totally obsessed with my phone. I'm constantly fingering it. I'm always taking off and adding on apps, I read books on it, watch t.v., use it as a flashlight, use it as a GPS, communicate with it, use the internet, play games, listen to music, Skype on it, if it came with an attachment, I'm pretty sure it'd be my vibrator too.

SILLY IS...how old my wardrobe is. When you find a shirt with no holes and call it a 'going out' shirt, I think it's time to schedule a trip to the mall don't you?

SILLY IS ... The Regular Show. I can't get enough of it.

SILLY IS... how L and L this post is. (Late and Lame.) Sorry folks, I am fresh out of clever patties this week. Let's try again next week shall we?

2 comments:

Erica said...

Pinkers. Oh my gosh, hilarious.
Also - I think diet tips from ANYONE are silly - no matter the size of their ass. If I hear one more thing about eating primal, I'm going to open a can of primal whoop ass on somebody.

Jan said...

You made me go watch Britney. Wow. And all through it, I was trying to figure out what the hell was wrong with her, and then I come back and you've NAILED the explanation. That's totally it.
I'm with you on the horror movies too. I'd never sleep again if I watched PA. Hellz no.
Diet tips? What's a diet? What?
Actually, I'm with you on all of these. heh.
Oh, except that lame-o Regular Show. WTF is that? ROFL!!! Turn that shit off, girl ;)