“Okay, Tom!? Do you have the map? ! My directions say nothing about a fork in the road! What is this!? We better find this party soon because my heels are killing me.”
I am ashamed that I even once question your manhood you virile thing you!
Play on playah!!!
To My Dearest 19 year old (?) Man Boy dating Linda Hogan,
You know it’s really nice that your nanny took you down to Rite Aid and bought you the same Revlon hair bleach that she uses (Trailer Hitch Blonde #223 to be exact) so you guys can be all matchy matchy and shit but I don’t think dry humping her leathery thigh is an appropriate thank you, do you?
Need I remind you that she’s seen Brooke Hogan naked and that bitch is HUNG, so you’ve got a lot to live up to. A more thoughtful thank you would have been buying her a Costco sized case of sunscreen or moisturizer to smear on herself STAT! Because slowly but surely, it appears as if Linda Hogan is looking more and more like the dried up skin on the back of my ankles.
But hey, if you like swinging your wiffle ball bat into a catcher’s mitt with dry rot, that’s your business. Maybe it’s good for her, what do I know? I guess when your son’s in jail a good way to deal with the pain is to screw a guy that kind of looks...........like.....your....son (?)
I must have misspelled a word somewhere because something about that last sentence made me vomit a little in my mouth.
Yo Momma (and NO I will not go to Chuck E. Cheese with you!)
To my Dearest Christina,
You know, I never got a chance to say congratulations on your
No really, congratulations. There really is nothing better than
To My Darling Hugh Jackman,
I don't really have a letter for him, I just wanted an excuse to post a picture of him playing with his little friend.
Now go have a lovely weekend and get off my lawn you!