Friday, December 08, 2006

The Interview

My blog: First off, thanks for joining us today, what with your "busy" schedule and all.

Me: I'm happy to be here but what's with the quotations on the word busy?

My blog: My, my, aren't we're starting off on a defensive foot? I meant exactly what I said.
"Busy."

Me: I'm not being defensive, but I told you that the only way I would sit down for this interview is if you don't get bitchy at me over ...over..um...

My blog: ......Abandoning me....go on...

Me: Okay. SEE? Right there. I thought you wanted to sit down and just have a nice chat, but I KNEW you were going to do this!

My blog: Excuse me miss, but how would YOU know anything?!? You haven't been HERE remember? I mean, shit.. look at this place! It smells of moth balls and Britney's cooch!

Me: (sigh) I don't even know why I bother. Seriously. What part of "BUSY" do you not understand??...and how would you know what Britney's cooch smells like anyways?

My blog: OOOOh yeah,"Miss Busy Woman" ...oooh yeah, lookit at me, I'm too busy to blog, wha wha wha...oh what's this, America's Next Top Model? Oh yay, I'm going to watch it twice and scream my ass of when Caridee wins..ooh busy busy busy." ...yeah, you're really busy alright.

and HELLO, everyone knows what Brits cooch smells like...K-Fed...which smells a lot like beer, cigarettes and belly button cheese. Quite pungent.

Me: Okay, first, much thanks for the descriptive details on the KFed funk. I appreciate it.
Look whaddya want me to do exactly? I have school, I have a daughter, I had to go to Missouri for thanksgiving...

My blog: Excuses! Excuses! YOU HAVE time to blog! I SAW YOU!!

Me: Saw me where?!?!?

My blog: (sniff, sniff) I.....(lip quiver) ....I saw you ...WRITING somewhere ELSE!!!!

Me: Alright, you've gone to the bad place. Where EXACTLY did you see me writing and what the hell were you doing spying on me anyways?? Not that I have to explain myself but I could have easily been doing homework. It WOULD be typical for you to jump to conclusions.

My blog: oh nooo, no no no no no Miss Mcslacker! Don't you turn this around on ME! Its YOUR fault this blog has gone to shit.
Your.
Fault.

Abandoner!!! Traitor!!!

...
...
...
..
..
..

Me: Do you want me to come back?

My blog: Don't do me any favors bitch.

Me: Alright fine, then I'm going.

My blog: See? See how you are? You don't care! You NEVER cared!

Me: (sigh) Here we go.
....listen, I care. I really do CARE.

My blog: Do you ? do you really? I mean, lookit at me. I'm a mess without you. And you're a mess without me either. Admit it. Why else would you come and have a "nice chat" with me? You're looking for an excuse to come back.

Me: you're right.

My blog: so say it....

Me: say what?

My blog: Say, "I'm a complete ego maniac and have to talk about myself at all times, no matter wha..."

Me: You can stop right there because I'm not going to say that.

My blog: Fine.

Me: Fine.

So what now?

My blog: Say, "My milkshake brings all the boys to the yard"

Me: my milkshake brings all the boys to the yard...

My blog: WHAT? I can't hear you...

Me: MY MILKSHAKE BRINGS ALL THE BOYS IN THE YARD! There? You happy?!?!?

My blog: now shake your ass while you spank the air...

Me: (boody thrusting, spanking air...)

My blog: Good.

Me: Now what?

My blog: Say, "I'm your bitch and I'm coming back even if I don't have shit to say.."

Me: You're my bitch....

My Blog: NO. YOU'RE my bitch..you know what..never mind? Don't come back.

whore.

Me: You're a whore.

My blog: Witty comeback. Brava!

Me: Look can't I just come back without having to humilate myself?

My blog: Ummm..last I checked this interview is currently being written and directed by you, so I'm pretty sure you can stop this wierd little conversation in your head at any time Sybil.

10 comments:

IDigHootchAndCootch said...

Dont call it a comeback.

Weeehoooo! First comment on the return of 'lainey.

Nice interview. "Dont do me any favours, bitch" killed me. I gotta remember to use that one... on my boss

Anonymous said...

Excellent, glad you're back, looking forward to more of the same.

Anonymous said...

I'm still your bitch mamma!

Every time I come to visit I want to play "Zelda, the Ocarina of Time" since you used the word "verily" in your text.

Softball Slut said...

We missed you terribley.I came almost everyday. Almost!! Hope you had a good vacation. l

Anonymous said...

I came here on the day Caridee won and waited. And waited. And waited some more. I even made adjustments for the time difference between us then waited some more.

YOU SUCK!!!

But I still love you.

J. said...

'bout time, whoreo...

D said...

Dear Laine's Blog:

I missed you. Tell Laine we all think she's a biatch now. And while you're at it, go tell my blog that I looked really busy the last time you saw me.

xoxo
D

Anonymous said...

I'm so glad you're back!!!! :D I was forced to get all of my celebrity gossip on.....*shudder*...msn....*gasp*!!

Madonna said...

Glad to see you're back. I've missed you!

Kristi said...

I was this ( ) close to taking you off of my links. But then I come back and I see this schizophrenic dialogue...what can I say that hasn't already been said by both of you.

I'm very glad to see you back. There's not enough schizophrenics on the internets.