Tuesday, April 04, 2006

The Mission: FLOOR SEATS. Section A, Row One.

So Madonna Pre-Sale tickets came and went.

Did I get one?

NO.

I'm currently still in the trenches.
So NO. There is no time to be berating my friend's ex-boyfriends, or having you sneak a peek at my secret (sick) desires. (*but as you can tell, I totally have time to link you back to those blogs just in case you missed the brilliance...)

This is war people.

I don't want to just "go" to the concert after all.. getting my little paws on the best possible seat to witness the Queen in action IS the GOAL. I practically worked the corner and turned tricks so I could afford these tickets. I'm not gonna have Ticketmaster shove me on the "LOGE" area, row X, seat 112, (ie: close enough to see the other fuckers who got better seats than me.) I've been to two Madonna concerts and although I've gotten close, I have NEVER gotten a floor seat. This year will be different. The tickets I was planning on purchasing today also happened to be opening night. Opening night pretty much means that the front rows will be jam packed with William Morris Agents, metrosexuals, their gay boyfriends and a handful of celebrities. I'm waiting for more dates to be announced. And they will be. Because Madonna never plays LA for just one night.

Point being...

This is my year.

FLOOR SEATS. SECTION A. ROW ONE.

That bitch is MINE.

*************************************************************************************
PLANS OF ATTACK

Mission One: Coachella
Where: Indio, California at the Sahara Tent
Overview: Arrive at destination point prior to gates opening. Upon gates opening, push, scratch, bitch slap any able bodies obstructing the destination zone. Secure destination zone upon arrival. Be on the lookout for platforms, leather vests, men wearing daisy dukes, wanna-be Madonna fans who "like her old stuff better,"and enemies posing as friends in order to infiltrate secured area. Should any of the above attempt to enter secured area, execute a quick, but lethal, two finger "Curly" eye gouge.

SAHARA TENT/COACHELLA


Mission Two: Concert
*note: Plan A for mission two aborted due to date of attack and financial overview (broke).
Plan B pending initiation upon announcement of new attack dates. Currently Holding.
Where: TBD/either The Forum in Los Angeles or The Pond in Anaheim
Overview: Obtain secret passcode to access ticket Presales site. Access presale ticket site within 10 minutes of presale site opening so YOU CAN BE FIRST to order. Upon entering site, obtain a floor seat for the LAST DATE of LA or Anaheim Venue. Prior to attending the concert on the date given on the ticket, arrive at the concert before given date and attempt to obtain a BETTER floor seat. If mission is accomplished, sell ticket that was obtained via the internet to desperate saps on Ebay.

LA FORUM/STAGE SET UP



and yes Shannon, please light a candle for me as these are dark days indeed.........

13 comments:

Debi said...

I'm scared mommy. When did Miss Elaineous become a stabbing, scratching midgetized version of big gay al? But props on the detail work. Nice to know you picked up some survival skills from Brad.

Elaine said...

(grunt) argh. Burg. MAdoNNa. urhg. ugh ugh....

Riss said...

Hahaha I fricken love your picture. If I were going with you I'd help throw elbows.

Kim said...

OMG. Bitch slap security graurd. LOL!!!

Good luck. I totally understand the importance of this event. Let me know if you need backup and I'll throw some elbows as well.

Shannon Bieger said...

LOL damn....complete with diagrams and everthing.

Lightning Bug's Butt said...

I'm getting into your sick desires.

coryandfarah said...

Wow! You've really put some thought into this, Elaine. I'd hate to think what would happen if you didn't... no, I won't go there!!! Good luck.

Mike said...

It's a well thoughtout plan of action...I'll give ya props for that...not sure I'd go thruogh all that for Madonna though.

CP said...

Elaine, don't listen to Mike. He likes country music. He hasn't a clue what we diehard Madonna fans will do to be near the Goddess herself.

I promise, as GAWD as my witness, that if you get tossed in jail during your master plan, Laurie and I will raise your bail money AND bring the whole plight to Madonna herself.

Want a moment of jealousy? Way back when, before you were born probably...I actually got to see Madonna shoot a Rolling Stone cover, LIVE. The year? 1986. It was back in the "Who's That Girl" era and she was mugging for the camera while they were playing her song "white heat". I was on an MTV tour *back when I danced* and LAWD...a more exciting moment I had never had before or since.

Not even the birth of my children. *LMAO* Kidding.

But, you know what I mean.

CP.

Elaine said...

debi: be afraid, be very afraid
Riss: so glad to have a willing soldier on my side. I'll put in the "reserves"
Kim: you too kim
Shannon: because I'm totally evil AND organized. :D
LBB: you want me to buy you ticket?? :D No, never mind, I would have to take out another loan.
coreyandfarah: BITE YOUR TONGUE SIR!
Mike: Yeah, CP told me you listen to country music....you're sicker than ME.

CP: SHUT UP!!! You saw the QUEEN in her humble beginnings??? OMG> I'm dying over here you lucky thing!( And yes, I was born, 10 years old back then .. fresh from the Phillippines when I still pronounced Mother as "Mudder." )

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