Saturday, May 21, 2011

Witness a pair of stripper poles go flaccid!

This blog is strictly being written tonight so I can post this video up:

Let me be the first to apologize for the 4:24 some minutes that you'll never get back unless you're into watching overly medicated pop stars stumbling around trying to find what used to make them sexy. I don't know what happened to Rihanna but apparently she thought rehearsing for seven minutes would do the job. And is it really considered a collaboration if Britney came in on the last three lines of the song with a magic mic? I'm guessing they woke her up from a nap, lured her out with a bucket of fried chicken then threw her onstage mid-burp. I was unsure if she was dancing or trying to walk out a fart. There was also no sadder pair of strip poles I have ever seen than the ones they attempted to dry hump during the song. The one Britney rubbed on probably has a bacon greasy film on it and smells like gym socks. The standing ovation afterwards can only mean that clearly, the audience was given some sort of hallucinogenics to regard this performance worthy of a stand or even regard it as an actual performance. They would've probably gave a standing ovation to a monkey rubbing feces on himself, but at least a monkey would put some feeling into his work.

I nodded off early and the last thing I saw/heard was The Black Eyed Peas. Is it me or have they been singing the same three songs for like 10 years now? If I hear "I Got A Feeling" one more time, I'm going to lose feeling in my ears because I will rip my ear drums right out.

The other performances were tolerable, one of my favorites was Nicki Minaj unfortunately, the fried chicken Queen made another zombieriffic appearance at the end of THAT performance as well. She left her grease everywhere!! Ugh.

But really, who even remembered ANY of it or cared after Beyonce showed up, tassles a'swingin??? Her performance made Rihanna's and Britney's look like a 3rd grade talent show act performed by two students that have VIP seating on the short bus. Beyonce took her song and fucked the entire stage with it. She spanked it, tore it up and owned it. The stage had to go take a hot shower afterwards and the entire audience needed therapy because this bitch violated all of us while Jay-Z watched.

After her performance, the need to march around and celebrate my nation building twat was immeasurable.

Who Run The World? I think men still do, but Beyonce's lofty delusions and proclamations about females are so very endearing....and makes a great ring tone!


Cynnie said...

Oh brittney..
Haaa ! Word veri is lumpi :)

Jan @twoscoopz said...

I can't get enough of Beyonce's performance.
And wtf girl? Men do NOT rule the world! Bite your satanic tongue :p

LadyHAHA said...

Come now Jan, do us as women really want to take credit for how f'kd the world is right now? I don't. I believe if women ran the world,there would be a chocolate and ice cream convenience store on every corner. Okay so maybe that's what would happen if I ran the world..OH! and free circus peanuts for eVERYONe!!!