Monday, November 02, 2009

Back Up Off My Reese's yo and other post-Halloween delights...

I really have nothing to say and no time to say it because I have to get out of the house in a half an hour to pick up the munchkin and the dog is crossing his legs begging me to let him out so he can pee on every bush that dares not smell like his urine. So I'll make this quick....

This year the munchkin became quite the little mind changing diva when it came to deciding what she wanted to be for Halloween. She wanted to be a rattlesnake, a tarantula, oh no mom, can I be Hannah Montana? oh no wait, I want to be ICarly, oh wait, no, I want to be her best friend Sam! Actually I want to be Wanda on Fairly Oddparents.

WHAT?

Her costume ideas were getting more and more obscure every day, I was afraid if I didn't make a decision for her, she was eventually going to want to be the old lady who said "I'll have what she's having" in that movie When Harry Met Sally.

So we finally decided on Patrick Starr, Spongebob's best friend. Great. Fine. Good. Let's go online and see what they have and this is what a found:


I'm pretty sure this is what future KKK members wear to their preschool class. Um, no. Not going to work. So with no sewing skills whatsoever, this is what me, fabric glue, felt and safety pins managed to wrangle up:


I give it a B- but she loved it so I got an A+ from the munchkin.

In other Halloween news....

My brother's girlfriend and I hit a new low when we dug out all the Reese's Peanut butter cups out of our candy bowl so we could keep it to ourselves. The kids can have the Dots and Dum Dum lollipops. We need chocolate and peanut butter sustenance because we all know passing out candy and tsk-tsk-ing on 9 year olds dressed in inappropriately sexy costumes (one was a sexy vampire who ended up just looking like a two dollar hook with bad dental work) is a hard job. And then later of course, I have the arduous task of going through my daughter's candy pile and sneaking out the candy I want from her stash without her noticing. Phew. A mother's work is never done.

Joey took me to the annual Haunted Trail thingy they have here at Balboa Park. I screamed, screeched and practically ran myself into a wall as scary teenage zombies and out of work ax murderers came at me and followed me in the woods. Joey laughed, pointed and egged the them on. It brings him extreme joy to see me scurry and pee myself in terror and as a good friend and devoted hag, I am willing to give this to him every year. You're welcome Joey. Thanks for the chicken strips at Dennys afterwards.

OH! and I've gotten an idea for a possible Halloween outfit for next year as well. I'm sure you've all noticed that a lot of women take Halloween as an opportunity to take any mundane occupation; be it a nurse, a flight attendant, a McDonald's cashier, whatever, and turn it into a whore-a-ween costume, which I have no problems with but it's so tired and obvious don't you think? I think we should turn less obvious things into whore-a-ween costumes.

For example, why hasn't anyone thought to dress up as a slutty hobo? Dirty hair, smelly clothes, holding a jar of piss with like short shorts? or what about Little Bo Peep's sheep? Why can't we have sexy Bo Peep Sheep? When is it THEIR turn to whore out? A naughty ax murder? A bloody head and lots of cleavage sounds like a win/win to me.

Okay I gotta go, my dog is now doing the pee pee dance and I think I just heard his bladder burst.

3 comments:

Joseph said...

Oh no, thank YOU. =)

Lizzle said...

I took whore-a-ween and did it up with a twist... I wore jeans, a t-shirt with a "1" on it, a lampshade on my head, and used a box to construct a "tabletop" around my waist, which was littered with hair pins, a coaster, my cell phone, chap stick, loose change, and a condom wrapper...

I was a "1 night stand" only instead of being all slutty, I dressed as a piece of furniture. Aren't I clever?

SHADOW said...

I see you are still in your Thanksgiving stupor. Put the turkey leg down and give us an update dammit!

Oh PS: seriously, when are you going to let me adopt the munchkin for a week? That photo was soo darling. Make sure you add that to the arsenal of snapshots and vids you have for when the boyfriend comes over for dinner.