So my take on the Lindsey Lohan thing is basically, wake me up when the E True Hollywood Story happens, particularly at the part where they show her snorting cocaine with a vacuum attachment.
It’s really hard for me to pay attention to a slow moving train derailment even if it does leave crack rock trails and incoherent twitter rants in its wake. Yawn. Snore. At least Britney Spears embraced her train wreck and made it action packed! (She’s a true performer that Britney...)
This morning, whilst perusing my favorite celebrity blogs, I came upon this picture and I immediately felt like my eyes were covered in fire ants and I was doused in alcohol and sweaty desperation. This picture gave me the cotton mouths in a serious way. I wanted to take all those free moisturizer sample packets in my magazines and squirt it at these two walking Halloween masks.
Did Lindsey volunteer for some kind of fucked up Donatella Versace apprenticeship program where the goal is to look like 15 miles of bad road with potholes, stand next to Donatella and make her look like a spring peach? I would have laughed at such an idea but this picture made me think twice. Don’t get me wrong, Donatella definitely doesn’t come close to looking like a spring peach. I don’t think she’s been ‘springy fresh’ since the 1700s. But she usually looks like that overly cooked chicken you see in the grocery store that’s been spinning inside the roaster for like a day and a half, with its crunchy skin all hanging off.
However, in this picture next to Lindsey, she’s taken on a very youthful, “sun bleached, dried up kitchen sponge” look don’t you think? Who knew Lindsey’s meth wrinkles would be quite complimentary on Donatella?
But even though I make fun, I still hope Lindsey pulls through. Remember when she appeared to be talented and well fed? The poor child is 23 going on 63 with a face that’s slowly looking like Octomom’s flappy lips (not the giant wax lips on her face either). This is why we say NO to drugs kids; particularly taking an eight ball of cocaine with a vodka chaser for breakfast.
As for Donatella, I’m not even worried about her because we all know zombies defy the test of time.