Thursday, October 02, 2008

I'm Here. You Queer. Get Used To It.

I'm talking to no one in particular with that title except myself. I thought about doing the whole blogging break thing but the minute I do that, I want to blog! So no, screw that. I'm here. I've just had a busy couple of days. I married my friend Debi and Drew on Friday, (video vlog posts to come), I attended a bachelorette party on Saturday night for my friend Brandie, who I am also marrying later this month. (seriously, am I the "it" reverend right now or what?) and then on Sunday, I got seriously sick and I'm STILL sick and sounding all 'demi moore, bar whore' sexy. I should really go karaoke-ing when I'm sick.
I'm totally drained and just trying to get well because I have a lot more things to do this month. (a bridal shower! a cruise! a wedding!) I'll be more interesting next blog post or maybe I should just video tape my snotty, hoarse sounding self for you all to laugh at. I don't know if I could muster up enough energy to make a decent vlog though.

Anyways, I got this from fellow blogger Elizabeth because she has cool posts. She didn't tag me so as usual I am going to tag myself.
Are you all just going to sit there and watch me while I tag myself????

Ten Things I Wish I Could Say to Ten Different People Right Now:

1. "How can you talk shit about him being lazy when you're daughter is kind of the same way?"

2. "If your dog starts yapping out the window at 7:00 am one more time, I'm going to go old skool Filipino and grill that fucker for my next barbecue."

3. "Thank you for not charging me for my passport photos and my overnight stamp because you were too busy flirting with me Mr. Post guy at the post office." (HA! The old midget's still got it!)

4. "I'm not yo momma fool. Go find it yourself." (clearly that was directed at viking hubby)

5. "I shouldn't have told you. I know you already knew, but still...what good did it do?"

6. "I want SWEET AND SOUR SAUCE WITH MY NUGGETS!! And yes MORE THAN ONE! Quit trying to pawn off that sad ass barbecue sauce on me."
(I hate McD's but the munchkin gets a hankering for nuggets once in a while and they're getting stingy with that sweet and sour sauce. Is it made of Tom Cruise's cancer fighting sweat? Because if that's the case, then I understand. But otherwise, grab a handful biotch!.)

7. "We can totally hang out more but stop trying to wrangle me into your pyramid schemes."

8. "Of course I'll go out on a date with you Ms. Jolie."

9. "Why yes, you can adopt me Madonna - I mean MOMMY!"

10. "Cars you can fix up and make them almost brand new again; sadly, the same can't be said about men. So please go find one that already has everything you want so you won't have to worry about "fixing" him. And please, stay away from the ones that like to share your jeans with you and wear eyeliner. Please. That's all I ask."

Nine Things about Myself (as if there are still 9 things that you guys don't know):

1. If you look closely, you can see me talking to myself.

2. I meditate when I do dishes.

3. I like to fingerpaint. Neatly. You can see where that can be a problem.

4. I'm not renewing my subscription to US Magazine because it has gotten boring and I have taken a liking to Good Housekeeping magazine. OH. My. GOD. Is this what old age feels like?????

5. I always seem to think of something funny or remember something someone said that was funny in public and then struggle to hide my laughter in because I'm gonna look crazy if I just laugh out of nowhere. But then I end up looking like I'm having some sort of shaky spasm attack. I can't win when that happens.

6. Gay guys light up my life.

7. Lately, I've been eating Honeycomb Cereal nonstop.

8. I got all goosebumpy and felt like a 12 year old again when I watched NKOTB the other night on VH1.

9. If there's an excuse for me to dress up and act stupid. I usually go full gusto. (cough Madonna concerts. cough cough...upcoming NKOTB concert...cough cough)

Eight Ways to Win My {Friendship} Heart:

1. Having a sense of humor. You don't have to be hilarious but you do have to think that I'M hilarious. Even if you're pretending. At least you're trying...;p

2. Open minded to new ideas, new experiences and introduce me to new ideas, and experiences.

3. Be brave. Be confident. (Not the ones that announce it, because if you have to announce it, you're usually just trying to convince yourself). Someone who is comfortable with themselves and in their own skin. I admire and gravitate towards people who are like that.

4. Feed the midget. You make me a good dessert and I will make you my bestest friend.

5. Just be real. Plastic's bad for the environment.

6. Karaoke with me and again, you're my bestest friend.

7. Dance silly with me in public. (For example I like to spank the air when I'm do too? Let's be friends!!!)

8. Love the simple things in life over material things. (Please do not get into a discussion with me about those 100-200 dollar jeans that are omg! soo cute!, because I will tune right the fuck out.)

Seven Things that Cross My Mind a Lot:

1. Bills and our financial stability. The economy is shit and it's hitting us hard.

2. Sex

3. Raising of the munchkin..(am I doing this right? should I do this more? Should I do that less? Is she getting enough veggies? Fruit? Sleep? Am I playing with her enough? Am I traumatizing her? Am I doing okay? Can someone grade me on this please?!!??)

4. Daydreaming ... a lot, about a lot of stuff.

5. That I should clean the house and holy fuckballs didn't I just clean yesterday?!?!

6. How I can make a living doing what I love to do. (I haven't thought of anything...)

7. Sex.

Six Things I Do Before I Fall Asleep:

1. Brush my teeth, wash my face.

2. Check to make sure the doors are locked and the living room and kitchen is orderly. (I know. I'm sick.)

3. Make sure our bedroom door is slightly open and that the nightlight is on in the hallway in case the munchkin gets up in the middle of the night and needs anything.

4. Get into bed and THEN take off my bra. (Boobs. Gotta keep em purrky!!)

5. Have my nightly conversation with that who sees and knows all. (some people call it praying.)

6. Find just the right position where I can lay down, hold my book and not have the book light shining in viking hubs face.

6. Read until I pass out.

Five People Who Mean a Lot (in no particular order):

1. Viking hubs.

2. The munchkin

3. The Family

4. The Friends

5. My Doggy Gunter (he's People!!)

I have to group family and friends into one person because I can't just name off two or three of my family and friends. That's crazy.

Four Things I'm Wearing Right Now:

1. Just a boring black tank top

2. Blue board shorts

3. Bra

4. My essence of awesomeness. It smells minty and sweet in case you were wondering.

Three Songs/Bands/Artists I Listen to Often (JUST THREE?? oy vey.):

1. No brainer - Madonna. (there's a 24 hour radio station in Italy that plays Madonna songs all the live long day. I listen via online. God bless those Italians.)

2. Lately...hee ...NKOTB. (what? I gotta get geared up for their concert!!)

3. Pitbull (his songs just makes me want to shake my CULO! (ass)

Two Things I Want to Do Before I Die: (JUST TWO!?! Again, OY.)

1. Travel to all the places I want to go to (I have a ever growing list).

2. Do stand up comedy on amateur night. I'm such a choke artist though so this could take a couple of years (and drinks) to muster up the courage...and the material.

One Confession:

1. 90% of the time, I capitalize, use periods and use proper grammar when I text. I just cannot type 'I don't know' as IDK. It goes against every fiber of my being.


Feel free to tag yourself...over and over again. I'll watch.


Anonymous said...

Dessert junkie and OCD texter -- me too!

I didn't come clean on my blog, but I do have one confession: I'm a karaoke virgin.

Franki said...

Wait, you can marry people? If I didn't already swear I would never, ever, ever marry again under any circumstances, I would totally want you to marry me. It doesn't even matter who to. My Engrish is so good.

Yo Momma said...

elizabeth: what what what???? you're a karaoke virgin? You don't have enough Asians in your life Liz! LOL!

franki: I ruv your engrish. I can indeed marry people as I got properly ordained (online) and have the certificate to prove it (cost me 20 bucks!) I can also ordain others! It's my own pyramid scheme. If I get enough reverends under me, I get a free pulpit and pope like headgear.

JerseyTjej said...

Would you ordain your credentials extend internationally, lol! Does your viking husband snore? There is a noticible level of oxygen depletion everynight if I don't go to sleep before him...