I Gets My Read On Yo.

Things called books.

I'm pretty damn sure I blogged about my favorite books before but damn, my blog topics are on EMPTY right now. I got nothin. I'm working and occasionally sleeping, I make room for bowel movements and such, I play with the munchkin during the day and with viking hubby at night. Nothing exciting.

Plus, that last post drained all of my energy. Apologies to all for exposing you to that.
Me + Boredom + Webcam = Topless dancing!
Just kidding. You'd have to add vodka to that equation to get that. But thanks for giving me the idea Hootch.

Anyways, back to the subject..books. The first in portable entertainment, never needs batteries and if you get a NEW book, it smells so delicious. (I sniff books dude. There is no rehab for book sniffing so I'm on my own. I blame Scholastic for this. I remember their books had this glossy goodness about them. AHHHH. What I'd give for a brand new copy of Clifford The Big Red Dog right now. Okay. I'll stop.)

Ok, this list of books are those that in one way or another affected me, I'll re-read or just plain smelled good....

Some old book...
A tattered old used book I bought at a library fair in Kansas when I was but a wee F.O.B. at the tender age of 7. I forgot the title but it was a biography on Abraham Lincoln. The reason I bought the book? It had an illustrated picture of what was supposed to be a young Abe Lincoln., wearing overalls, chewin' on a straw, leaning on a pitchfork or something. I thought it looked very American so I bought it, plus it was cheap. That book helped me tremendously with my English and I do remember liking the book a lot because coming from another country, reading about people who grew up in the country in the U.S. was so fascinating.

Are You There God It's Me Margaret?
Yes, yes, blah blah, she's going through changes, becoming a woman and what not and it was a really nice book to have when you're that age and going through the same thing. But the one thing I remember most about this book was when Margaret got her first sanitary pad, complete with A BELT and HOOKS. I remember wondering WTF? Why does she need a BELT with her pad?

Ain't THAT a bitch?? As if bleeding/cramping/crying for four to five days wasn't enough, ya gotta deal with harnesses?? If I had to deal with this, I would have ended up getting in a tangled mess or choking someone with it. God Bless the man/woman who invented adhesives.

Of Mice And Men:
"No, no, don't do dat! George will know I done a bad thing and won't let me tend to da rabbits!"

CRACK.

Awesome.


She's Come Undone.
I broke the rules. I rebelled. I bought this book purely for its cover.



And I got a treat when it turned out to be really really good. And smelled delicious.

Case For A Creator:
Because before I read this book, I always wondered why science and religion were at odds with one another. I personally thought that maybe science was just an in depth explanation of what God did. Whereas religion takes a more spiritual approach to God to appeal to our soul. But essentially, it's the same topic, different name. For example if you ask a Scientist what energy is, he would probably tell you that it is the fundamental substance of everything in the universe, it can't be created or destroyed, etc. If you ask a religious person what God is, they would probably tell you that it is a fundamental substance of everything in the universe that can't be created or destroyed...POTATO-POHTATOE.
(And seriously, if you pass the dutchie on the left hand side, we can have a wonderful discussion about this and then devour a box of Twinkies afterwards. Good times.)
The author of this book basically took that thought of mine and wrote a whole book on it, therefore solidifying the fact that I'm a genius. (or just high) A former atheist, he interviewed a bunch of scientists on the idea of God and his existence and it is surprising what they say. A GREAT book. And for those who can't imagine reading through a bunch of scientific explanations, I think there's a DVD on this too.( FYI: That's about as close as I get to discussing religion on this blog btw so don't bombard me with comments about religion or God or Mary or baby Jesus because I DON'T CARE. I have my own views on it, you probably have yours and in my opinion, we're all probably arguing the same thing. So do unto others and don't go killing anyone. Capiche? Let's leave it at that.)

Johnny Got His Gun.
Dude...he was basically a concious slab of beef. Talk about a bad fucking day.

The Boy Who Would Be King:
An Elvis book that I could actually stomach. A book written by his cousin, most of it focuses on his life before he got famous and how extremely poor his family was, the death of his twin brother at birth, his guilt for being the one that lived, his momma's boy issues, his momma's issues, his daddy's issues, etc. etc. But I like it mostly because, again, a lot of the book had to do with the everyday lives of poor country folks in the South. This book introduced me to what sharecropping was, moonshining, bucking hay, drinking out of jelly jars, putting gravy on everything, cooking with bacon grease. FANTASTIC.
I'm telling you..hillbillies (rednecks) fascinate me.

The Notebook:
I read this WAAAAAY before the movie even came out. Actually, it was one of those books that came in the mail because I didn't send my "Do Not Send My Featured Book Selection" slip in time to the monthly book club. So I was kind of forced to read it and before you know it, I was wiping snot on my sleeve. The only book ever that got my waterworks started. The letter the guy wrote at the end just left me a blubbering mess. Sap.

The DaVinci Code:
A fun book that really didn't deserve all the bad press it got from the religious groups for supposedly misinterpreting religious text that might mislead people blah blah, yackity schmackity (seriously, if a person is going to change their entire belief system based on reading a fictional book then they weren't that devoted (or smart) to begin with - but whatever, there I go again NOT discussing religion)
This was just a good ol' crime solving book. Always a good read. I was impressed by the movie because you know the deal, the movie is never as good as the book, but the movie was pretty much the same as the book. HOWEVER I prefer the book because then I don't have to stare at Tom Hank's mullet for two hours. That was just horrifying.


On our next episode of I Gets My Read On Yo:
BAD,HORRIBLE, OMG I CAN'T BELIEVE I READ THE WHOLE THING list of Books that I wasted a few days of my life on. (some of them even smelled great but it was all a FARCE!)