Fried Bologna Sandwiches...

Before I continue with my tales of white trash and wiggly stubs, please take a gander at my sidebar (to the left, to the left...).

That my friend is FANTASY America's Next Top Model. Much like Fantasy Football but WAAAAAAYYYY more interesting. Various points can be earned if one of the models on your team cries during an episode, reads a Tyra mail, trips or stumbles on the catwalk, regards modeling as their "dream" or the biggie...if they win a challenge (6 whole points!) You can change your team around after every episode. So join into the sickness of ANTM and play along with me why dontcha???

Okay, now that I've solidified the fact that I'm literally one click away from becoming a Dungeons and Dragons nerd, on with the story.....

OH and also, I didn't mean for the last post to be a "cliffhanger" or anything exciting like that..I just didn't have time to finish the story that's all. So don't expect anything huge or shocking for the ending, like me touching the stub because that only happened in my dreams....okay, on with the story...

We last left our one legged hero right after she shocked her audience by unscrewing her fake leg and jumping into the pool. She floated around for a bit then struggled to make it back to the edge so she could climb out. I was worried that she might go under because if she did, there wasn't a crane lifeguard readily available to haul her ass out. But she eventually made it and hefted herself and her now wet stub out of the pool.
Let me take this moment and explain her stub because you're probably thinking it's this nice, clean, surgeon cut of a stub.

Um no.

I'm pretty sure that after she got shot with the 12 gauge she put some duct tape on her stub, put her other leg in the deep freeze (that's perfectly good meat for beef jerky ya'll) and used the magic of Southern Comfort to ease her pain. The reason I say this is because the stub looked like....

well, it kind of formed into a little...

You know what? Times like these require PAINT. SO here....it looked like this:



You're welcome.

Please click on image to enlarge and fully appreciate my life like creation.

It looked like a wet deformed udder. That's the best description I can think of.

She jelly jiggled over to a nearby table, sat down and, much to my disappointment, screwed her fake leg on, putting her deformed udder and all its glory back into hiding.
None of the girls that came after her could top that. There was an abundance of Fupas, back boobies, breasts that could be thrown over ones shoulders, missing teefus, etc. but unfortunately, no one else had a surprise missing limb from a freak accident with a Wal-Mart shopping cart.

Darn.

They had an intermission so the girls could dry up and it looked as if our one legged queen was going to get edged out by hacky sack hooters which was unfortunate. (The loss AND that chicks boobs...I think she stepped on one of her nipples during the catwalk.) So B and I headed back into our room before they announced the winner. We had fallen so in love with stubby by the end of the show that I don't think either of us could have emotionally handled her loss.

I'd like to think that stubby pulled an upset and won the coveted Miss White Trash crown that day and is now sitting in the comfort of her trailer, wearing her crown, eating some pork rinds and lovingly massaging her udder while watching her ex-boyfriend on Cops.

And with this thought. I am satisfied.

HAVE A GREAT WEEKEND EVERYONE!!