Work Schmurk! Get me another Mai Tai!

I've decided to dip my toe back into the warm stagnant pool of the workforce. Granted, I haven't been completely out of the work force, but I work at home and lately, with so little hours clocked in, I get slightly embarrassed when I tell people I "work."
I love my job and the pay is great; however, that all amounts to not a damn thing when you're clocking in 15 hours a week. I am grateful for landing this job because it allowed me to stay at home with the munchkin, which was the whole reason I took my ass out of the work force in the first place.

But now the munchkin tires of me and longs to play with other children that don't annoy her like the big one at home she calls "mom." We found a school nearby that had a large facility and a small amount of students. The teachers seemed to know their stuff and were on the older side (ie: no college students working part time w/ Monday morning hangovers. Oooh listen to me! I'm OLD!) they actually had a nice curriculum (is molding blue Play-Doh into the Statue of David too much? I didn't think so either.) and best of all the monthly payments were decent, as in I didn't have to go and get a job as the cow that hooks the corner for Chick-Fil-A.

So with her off to preschool, I decided it would benefit our financial situation greatly if I got another job. At first, I decided to make dust off my degree in FASHAWN (fashion) and applied to several modeling agencies, I got a call from two and the haughty tone in their voice (ummm, you're a receptionist. Relax Rockefeller.) reminded me of why I had decided not to go down that path after college. (the business of beauty is really quite ugly.)

I put my degree back into its cave, for yet another couple years of hibernation and decided to look for a job that I can do in my sleep with no stress. I figured this was just for extra cash, no need to have an ulcer over it.

I came up with two things I can do in my sleep, which might be beneficial to the workforce.
One of which is typing.
Yeah. I know. Big whoop. But I actually like to type (oh the sweet sound of the keyboard's clickity clack. Heaven I tell ya) so it wouldn't be like working at all and at 90 words per minute, I'm sure there's a company out there that can make use of my cracked out typing skillz.
So whooosh!...I sent off my resume to as many repetitive data entry positions I could possibly find.

The second thing I love to do even more than typing and I can do until the end of time is talking. I'm what I like to call a "talking technician," ..a yammering yoda you might say. I think a tour guide would be the easiest job in the world for me. My dream job has always been to steal this job from this lucky bitch. She must die retire so the era of the traveling midget can begin and be watched by millions on the Travel Channel.

But that's a long term goal, back to my short, misguided ones...

I took a chance and typed in "tour guide" and found two that I applied for. The one I'm hoping that I'll get is to be a tour guide on one of those double decker buses. It drives around the San Diego sights, I get to babble to my hearts content for the poor saps that are stuck with me for the ride. Another one was to be a personal tour guide for San Diego for wealthy investors and their families. It supplies you with a company vehicle, pretty damn good hourly rate and of course the tips were supposedly amazing. It sounds to good to be true but I shot off my resume anyways trying to ignore the voice in my head that screamed out,

"Are you NUTS?!?! You're ASIAN..you can't DRIVE AND TALK at the same time!!!"

I ignored it.
Much like I ignore my left blinker for at least a mile and half before I realize I still have it on and all the cars around me give me the finger. I do the "I'm Asian" shrug and wave at them.

But that's another post for another time.

Now gimme your good luck vibes and then get off my lawn.