Fan Letter Four Day Part One: Something Smells....

Dear Britney,

I really truly TRULY want to stop writing these but every time you step out in public, it looks like a walking advertisement for Wal-Mart fashions…from 1992. Do you really need to air out your peesh every time you step out of the car? Damn, I think I can smell that shit from here. I’m surprised your underwear still appears dry because if you don’t know how to close your legs and slide out of a vehicle in a mini skirt by now then I’m pretty sure that the complicated act of not soiling yourself is way over your head. Lets not even get started on bathing because I can clearly see that you’ve given up on the whole “hygiene” thing years ago. I’m surprised that your inbred ass can manage to walk without a Pabst in one hand and a jar of pickled pig’s feet in the other balancing you out. I guess I should at least be grateful that you managed to put on underwear this time because if I see your roast beef sandwich (extra mayo) coming at me again, I’m going to get nightmares for weeks.
However, I am sending out my prayers and well wishes to the poor maid who has to wash your underwear. (How much you wanna bet she leaves poo poo bit surprises for the help??).

Since it’s obvious that you are way beyond help at this point, I have decided to take matters in my own hands and propose the P. C.R. Bill to Congress.
P.C. R. stands for Paint Character Replacement. Every time unflattering pictures of you is released to the public, and let’s face it, nowadays that’s EVERY picture, a Paint Character will be placed over your face/body. Like this:

WITHOUT PCR:


WITH PCR:

WITHOUT PCR:

WITH PCR:

I believe Paint is much more cost efficient than Photoshop and covers up the car wreck quite sufficiently. In fact, it makes you look better. Please note the PCR’s clear face, perfect make-up, body shaping ONE PIECE bathing suit and clean appearance.

So all in all, it’s a win/win situation for everybody and the world’s eyeballs are saved.

Love, Me.


Dear readers, please note that Proposition PCR is not limited to Britney Spears, it can also be used for the likes of Star Jones, Rosie O’Donnell, Bai Ling, that douchebag Ryan Seacrest..the possibilities are endless.
(I would also include Paris, but we all know she’s got her hands full at the moment:


So please vote for Proposition PCR.

Thank you.





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