Because one must PURGE thine evil doings so your soul may regain that new car smell....
1. I have a New Kids On The Block Greatest Hits CD.
In my car.
and it gets played often.
2. I sometimes order food at restaurants with a scottish accent so I can feel really international without having to wear a beret or anything. Plus the hubby gets embarassed because my accent is really bad until I get a couple of drinks in me. After the help of a some alchoholic beverages, I turn into William Wallace...sans the blue face paint lest I be mistaken for a scottish smurf. (Miner Smurf..remember that guy???)
3. The word "duties" always makes me laugh. (get it? DUTIES...DOODIESS??..yeah, I know..I'm an idiot.)
4. I secretly wish incurable, itchy road ass on people who email forwards two or three at a time and don't delete all the other prior emails so then I have to scroll allllllll the way down to actually see the "oh so funny" email,picture, or whatever the hell you sent me. And to be honest, if I have to scroll down a page and a half to get to the joke, I'm not feeling the good humor anymore.
5. When I was playing powder puff in high school, I exaggerated an eye injury so I wouldn't have to play. (I got elbowed in the eyeball and I pretended that it made me temporarily blind....it was an Oscar worthy performance.) We were losing the game anyways and I had a formal dinner to go to afterwards so I had to preserve the face.
Go Team! (me)
6. I once ate an entire Tobleron bar in less than two minutes because the hubby was coming home and I KNEW that once he saw the coveted Tobleron bar that he would want to "share." Meaning I get three pieces while he inhales the rest.
Have you eaten a Tobleron bar??!?! You wouldn't want to share it either.
7. In order to get some class spirit in high school, I took an old sweater, sewed on two sheets to each arm (creating 'wings') painted 9 on one wing and 5 on the other and "flew" around class assemblies trying to get my class to "outcheer" the other classes. Which they did....amidst all the laughter. They were laughing WITH me. Not AT me. I swear. The next year, I made a cape.
Don't you wish I was YOUR class president in high school??? I know you do. Admit.
8. I had an inappropriate dream about........(brace thyself).... David Hassellhoff. All I remember is hairy chests, the KITT car winking at me and waking up terrified.
9. I want to see 300 for its brilliant cinematography. And by cinematography, I mean ABS.
10. I'm really an old gay man reincarnated into a 30 year old woman's body.