Wednesday, March 21, 2007

Confessions......

Because one must PURGE thine evil doings so your soul may regain that new car smell....

1. I have a New Kids On The Block Greatest Hits CD.
In my car.
Right now.
and it gets played often.


2. I sometimes order food at restaurants with a scottish accent so I can feel really international without having to wear a beret or anything. Plus the hubby gets embarassed because my accent is really bad until I get a couple of drinks in me. After the help of a some alchoholic beverages, I turn into William Wallace...sans the blue face paint lest I be mistaken for a scottish smurf. (Miner Smurf..remember that guy???)

3. The word "duties" always makes me laugh. (get it? DUTIES...DOODIESS??..yeah, I know..I'm an idiot.)

4. I secretly wish incurable, itchy road ass on people who email forwards two or three at a time and don't delete all the other prior emails so then I have to scroll allllllll the way down to actually see the "oh so funny" email,picture, or whatever the hell you sent me. And to be honest, if I have to scroll down a page and a half to get to the joke, I'm not feeling the good humor anymore.

5. When I was playing powder puff in high school, I exaggerated an eye injury so I wouldn't have to play. (I got elbowed in the eyeball and I pretended that it made me temporarily blind....it was an Oscar worthy performance.) We were losing the game anyways and I had a formal dinner to go to afterwards so I had to preserve the face.
Go Team! (me)

6. I once ate an entire Tobleron bar in less than two minutes because the hubby was coming home and I KNEW that once he saw the coveted Tobleron bar that he would want to "share." Meaning I get three pieces while he inhales the rest.
what?
Have you eaten a Tobleron bar??!?! You wouldn't want to share it either.

7. In order to get some class spirit in high school, I took an old sweater, sewed on two sheets to each arm (creating 'wings') painted 9 on one wing and 5 on the other and "flew" around class assemblies trying to get my class to "outcheer" the other classes. Which they did....amidst all the laughter. They were laughing WITH me. Not AT me. I swear. The next year, I made a cape.
Don't you wish I was YOUR class president in high school??? I know you do. Admit.

8. I had an inappropriate dream about........(brace thyself).... David Hassellhoff. All I remember is hairy chests, the KITT car winking at me and waking up terrified.
Hold me.

9. I want to see 300 for its brilliant cinematography. And by cinematography, I mean ABS.



10. I'm really an old gay man reincarnated into a 30 year old woman's body.

11 comments:

Webmiztris said...

having a dream about the Hoff wouldn't ruin my entire fucking DAY. gross!!!!! you poor thing!

Ice said...

That was some pretty funny shit I just read. I could relate to the toblerone story... I myself just love 'em and I only get one a Christmas so Hells No I aint sharin'... I would have shoved the whole thing into my mouth if my hubby was coming too!!!

Great site.

Riss said...

We should so be best friends. I hate those email scroll down people too, worship Toblerone and played Powder Puff (as a receiver). I hated NKOTB though.

Miss-Informed said...

Oh everyone wants to be your friend! Face it girl, you're frippin' famous! I gots me a Toblerone about two feet away. Bought it to go in a gift because heck yeah! they are good enough to give as a gift. I am thinking I just might opt out of that and give myself a GIFT! Mmmmhmmm. NKOTB greatest hits cd? I am jealous! Mental note to self: Must check eBay for that one!

Ice said...

Hey, I hope you don't mind, but I've linked you at my place... you are one funny girl and I can't help but smile while I read everything you write... A pleasure to spend a few minutes here. Anyways, let me know if thats a problem... :)

Shallan said...

HA HA ...I REMEMBER the wing thing from HS...that was CLASSIC and of course you knew I was there!

Judy said...

I have that same exact picture of King Leonidas from 300 as my desktop background. Yes, the Cinematography (Abs) was amazing!
That NKOTB CD rocks! I play it in my car and at work, usually on Fridays :)

D said...

I'm mostly embarassed that it just took me 2 minutes to figure out how to post a comment (could your font be any smaller!?).

ANYWAY, enough of me being stupid.

#2: For some reason the thought of an asian person with a scottish accent I find UPROARIOUSLY funny. I think I just peed myself a little bit. Can you please please please get drunk and make a video of you saying random William Wallace phrases? I might actually pay for it.

300: They all should get oscars. And by Oscars I mean "plane tickets to my house". BEST MOVIE EVER!

Elaine said...

webmiz: I'm surprised I didn't vomit on my pillow. My brain be playin games.

Riss: You, me, a giant bar of Tobleron and Hangin' Tough cd? whaddya say?? Give them a chance!
"just get on the floor and do the New Kids dance!"
God I'm sad.

ice: link away girl! Thanks for linking me! :D

Miss informed: girl I'll burn the cd for you if you can't find it on ebay. true indeedy it rocks.

shallan: oh you poor girl. you were there to witness the madness first hand. haha

d: I will def get the drunk filipino scottish girl on tape for you! I'm going on a trip to AZ to visit my friend at the end of April..I'm pretty sure drinks will be involved. ;D

Lizzle said...

As for 300, the cinematography/abs are totally worth the full price admission... And they are worth even more if you have a chance to watch them MEGA-SIZED on an IMAX screen. Seriously... Worth EVERY SINGLE SOLITARY PENNY!

Tobleron bars are also worth every last penny!!

I don't make a big deal of this fact, but I broke a girl's nose while playing powderpuff in highschool. You were probably wise to leave the game and preserve your face!

Madonna said...

*emailing The Queen and telling her you're cheating on her with NKOTB* :P

Sounds like you feel the way about Toblerons that I feel about Hershey's dark chocolate.

I don't know what dream weirds me out worse: Your Hassellhoff dream, or my recent dream of meeting Bob Barker at Madonna's concert.

While you're cheating on Madge, I can imagine she is at least pleased you have confessed. :P