If I was a reality show, I would have been cancelled right now. I have no drama. Everything is busy, but otherwise dandy and well.........The End. I'm not complaining..I'm just saying that if a producer took a gander at our storyline it would look something like this:
Cameras set up 4:00 am. Midget wakes up at 5:00 am.
5:15 am: Midget Sr. brushes her teeth, makes coffee, starts her work and kisses Viking hubby goodbye.
6:00 am: Works out.....halfheartedly, glances often at the time.
7:00 am: Midget Jr. wakes up. Both midgets eat breakfast. Usually cereal or oatmeal. Midget Sr. can't cook for shit.
7:30 am: Midget Sr. takes shower while Midget Jr. plays in her room and occasionally throws open the shower curtain to freeze out Midget Sr. Midget Jr. laughs hysterically while Midget Sr. quietly curses Viking hubby for teaching Midget Jr. how to screw with mommy.
(Audio Visual: please note to BLUR out Midget Sr. from video footage while in shower...stock up on Vaseline)
8:15 am: Making the beds and giving the bedroom a good once over cleaning while singing a horrible rendition of Alicia Key's "Fallin." Occasional break for impromptu dance and hand waving during the high notes. Midget Jr. tells "mommy, please NO sing anymore!"
8:45 am: Work while Midget Jr. requests to watch the Spongebob movie for the hundreth time. Midget Jr. sings Spongebob theme song loudly, while Midget Sr. whispers it while working.
9:30 am: Midgets go for a walk. Midget Sr. attempts to say hello to everyone she passes during the walk, then curses them for being "rude motherbleepers" under her breath when they don't say hello back. Midget Jr. happily chews on her gummy Flinstone vitamin and drinks her apple juice in her stroller..oblivious to mommy's attempts to be "neighborly."
10:15 am: Return to the house. Do household errands, laundry (yuk), mop floors, vacuum, trash, groceries..all errands done while singing horrific renditions of Abba songs (Take a Chance on Me, Dancing Queen remix) and really bad Krumping dance breaks while mopping the floor and singing one of Sean Paul's unintelligible yet catchy reggaetone tunes. Midget Jr. adopts a "if you can't beat em, join em" attitude and encourages Midget Sr.'s actions by singing and krumping along.
11:00 am: neighbors call the cops. Just kidding.......
....from this point on its just a lot of the same thing, mailing out bills, working, playing, bad singing and really BAD dancing with a nap thrown in there somewhere. I'm pretty sure the Producer of my show would walk out of his office in disgust and immediately get in the unemployment line.
I might not make for a very exciting reality show, but I think I would totally be great for background t.v....like those dvds that show swimming fish, lava lamps, pizza in the microwave? They wouldn't even have to put in a soundtrack because I already provide it...with some hardcore krumping too! Oh yeah, my dvd would be totally be a hot seller.
Now if you'll excuse me, I have to write this down on my list of million dollar ideas.
THE MIDGET SHOW!!!