Wednesday, February 21, 2007

Crickets Chirping....

If I was a reality show, I would have been cancelled right now. I have no drama. Everything is busy, but otherwise dandy and well.........The End. I'm not complaining..I'm just saying that if a producer took a gander at our storyline it would look something like this:

Cameras set up 4:00 am. Midget wakes up at 5:00 am.

5:15 am: Midget Sr. brushes her teeth, makes coffee, starts her work and kisses Viking hubby goodbye.
6:00 am: Works out.....halfheartedly, glances often at the time.
7:00 am: Midget Jr. wakes up. Both midgets eat breakfast. Usually cereal or oatmeal. Midget Sr. can't cook for shit.
7:30 am: Midget Sr. takes shower while Midget Jr. plays in her room and occasionally throws open the shower curtain to freeze out Midget Sr. Midget Jr. laughs hysterically while Midget Sr. quietly curses Viking hubby for teaching Midget Jr. how to screw with mommy.
(Audio Visual: please note to BLUR out Midget Sr. from video footage while in shower...stock up on Vaseline)
8:15 am: Making the beds and giving the bedroom a good once over cleaning while singing a horrible rendition of Alicia Key's "Fallin." Occasional break for impromptu dance and hand waving during the high notes. Midget Jr. tells "mommy, please NO sing anymore!"
8:45 am: Work while Midget Jr. requests to watch the Spongebob movie for the hundreth time. Midget Jr. sings Spongebob theme song loudly, while Midget Sr. whispers it while working.
9:30 am: Midgets go for a walk. Midget Sr. attempts to say hello to everyone she passes during the walk, then curses them for being "rude motherbleepers" under her breath when they don't say hello back. Midget Jr. happily chews on her gummy Flinstone vitamin and drinks her apple juice in her stroller..oblivious to mommy's attempts to be "neighborly."
10:15 am: Return to the house. Do household errands, laundry (yuk), mop floors, vacuum, trash, groceries..all errands done while singing horrific renditions of Abba songs (Take a Chance on Me, Dancing Queen remix) and really bad Krumping dance breaks while mopping the floor and singing one of Sean Paul's unintelligible yet catchy reggaetone tunes. Midget Jr. adopts a "if you can't beat em, join em" attitude and encourages Midget Sr.'s actions by singing and krumping along.
11:00 am: neighbors call the cops. Just kidding.......

....from this point on its just a lot of the same thing, mailing out bills, working, playing, bad singing and really BAD dancing with a nap thrown in there somewhere. I'm pretty sure the Producer of my show would walk out of his office in disgust and immediately get in the unemployment line.
I might not make for a very exciting reality show, but I think I would totally be great for background those dvds that show swimming fish, lava lamps, pizza in the microwave? They wouldn't even have to put in a soundtrack because I already provide it...with some hardcore krumping too! Oh yeah, my dvd would be totally be a hot seller.

Now if you'll excuse me, I have to write this down on my list of million dollar ideas.



Webmiztris said...

I'd watch your show just to see what this Krumping thing is all about. I know all about getting crunk, but not getting krump... lol

Elaine said...

webmiztris: I provided a handy dandy wikepedia description of Krumping. its crazy cloowwwn dancin' yo.

Elaine said... apparently crunking and krumping are basically the same thing.



Miss-Informed said...

Sounds like you are a busy gal daily! Such a dedicated cleaner, my goodness! I sing Abba as often as possible myself! Fernando...

Kristi said...

Why are you up so early? Why? i won't even TELL you how late I sleep in because it will break your heart.

Just like your little Midget jr. breaks my heart with her cuteness. What a cupcake cutie pie!

Midget sr. is cute too.

Elaine said...

Kristi: well I work at home and I really want to do the brunt of my work in the morning so that when my daughter wakes up, we can actually play, go for a walk, read, etc. and not be shooing her away from me because I'm busy with "work."
So I must skip out on a little sleep to make sure the munchkin has mom at her beck and call for the majority of the day. :D

SHADOW said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
SHADOW said...

Well Elaine, I was going to give my mother of the year award to Britney, but now I may give it to you :-)

karaoke queen said...

Awww, your little midget jr is so cute!!

I personally like to sing blondie in the shower.

*humming* Call me baby anytime! Call me!!

Riss said...

Cutie!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I can't believe how big she is, I remember when she was born. Craziness!!