Tools: Target Gift Card
The Mission: Sniff out the just released unedited Madonna DVD/CD. With BONUS FEATURES!! Oh baby, is it Christmas time AGAIN?! Hoooo wee!
1:30 p.m. Drove to Target. Parking was difficult due to idiots crowding up the parking lot waiting for the sweet spot at the front of the store. Because god forbid they park too far and have to walk a few seconds in the rain (..it was barely sprinkling people..).
Using my midget stealth and craftiness, I found the first available parking spot and braved the elements (two wet drops on my t-shirt). I walked passed the line of cars waiting for parking, laughed, pointed and shouted:
and then I slipped on the asphalt, skinned my knee and walked shamefully into Target.
Lesson learned Mother Karma. Lesson Learned.
1:35 p.m. Wander the store aimlessly with a slight limp (skinned my knee remember?). At this time, I was unable to find the cd/dvd/entertainment department. Panic sets in.
1:45 p.m. AHA! I spotted a flat screen T.V. in the corner of my eye, beckoning me to partake in the newly released DVDs displayed below it. Panic replaced by excitement. I fart a little.
Apologies to the guy behind me. Why yes, I did have a burrito for lunch, whyever do you ask?
1:55 p.m. Wandering the department aimlessly, looking at newly released DVDs display with no luck. Panic sets in again. Palms sweating. The search continues.
2:00 p.m. Lets see.....Babel….March Of The Penguins…The Illusionist…..holy Maria Mother of Juan…where fore art thou is Madonna!?!? The thought of possibly having to order it through Amazon and (GASP) wait 3 days for it to get here, causes me to start hyperventilating uncontrollably. Short of breath, I huddle in between the self help and diet books and babble incoherently as I sway frantically to and fro.
2:05 p.m. Before a full out Rain Man incident occurred, a savior comes to my aid in the form of a gay guy in a faded red Target smock. He doesn’t even have to ask. I can see in his eyes that he is a wise one who can sense a distressed hag within a 10 mile radius.
He knows what I seek.
2:07 p.m. My savoir hands me the vacuumed sealed Madonna goodness with a calm smile and gently says, “It’s on sale girl.”
I hold back my tears….(and fart just a little.)
2:08 p.m. Due to unforeseen circumstances (I blacked out from excitement), I do not recall the events that occurred at this time.
2:10 p.m. I was led to the 10 items or less checkout line by my Target savior. He advised me not to go on Madonna excursions without my licensed gay Madonna sponsor (Hi Joey!) until I had more experience under my belt.
He disappears into the electronics department, leaving a scent of Curious perfume in his wake. I forgive his bad taste in perfume and thanked him.
2:12 p.m. I presented my Target gift card. (thanks San!) The cashier ran it through, bagged my treasure and sent me on my way.