Friday, December 22, 2006

Oh the weather outside is frightful..but the Fan Letter Fridays are SO delightful!!

Dear Britney,

What can I say that hasn’t already been said my dear? One minute, you kicked FedEx to the curb, licked the barbeque sauce off your fingers and combed your hair, teasing us into thinking that “old Britney” was making a comeback! Sadly, in one grand swoop of your magic pork rind wand, you’re back to your ol’ no shoes wearin’, nose pickin’, Pall mall smoking, Pabst Blue Ribbon drinking, my weave is made out of hay and only cost me 50 bucks at the Wal-mart salon havin’, trailer trash antics…but the only difference is, there’s NO KFed to blame! You can’t even blame Paris because she was the one who had to shut the cheese gates that is your thighs so the earth would not fall into your gaping hot pocket (the roast beef and onions kind) when you decided to party sans panties. When Paris is the “classy” and “demure” one standing next to you, you should know that you’ve reached a whole other realm of trashy that only Pam Anderson and Courtney Love have bought property in.

Please.

Somebody save the children.

Love, me


Dear Mariah,

I just……
You know……
I think maybe……
uh…….

Shit girl,you have rendered me speechless. I don’t even know what to say.
Happy Holidays?
Thanks for covering up? (even though you still missed the body part that needed the most covering up, although I suspect it already has an adequate amount of “layers” of blubber..as it looks very “insulated.” )

Keep on eatin on…

EDIT: I guess this is an old picture of Mooriah...yet still...the wrongness of this outfit is timeless.

Love, Me.



Dear Michael,

Unlike some blond person who smells of Frito Pie, I actually love your comeback. Brilliance on hooking up with Jermaine Dupree, I mean I always knew you were gay but who knew music producer gnomes could be homosexuals too? Anyways, I just wanted to write you a letter and tell you to keep up the good work. They’re photoshopping the hell out of you in these pictures and in some pictures, you’re a dead ringer for THIS GUY right here, but regardless, I’m lovin the skimpy outfits and high heels. Just make sure you tuck it in tight Michael, you don’t want your King of Pop Jewels to be spilling out of your leotard,....
oh....
wait.....
that’s your new nose now isn’t it?

Those plastic surgeon guys are so CRAFTY!

Love, Me.


Dear Angelina,

How about your feet? Can I lick those? A toe maybe?

No?

Okay, just givin' it one more shot. I know it says 50 feet on the restraining order, but who really takes those "legal documents" seriously anyways?

Call me.

Love, Me.






HAPPY HOLIDAYS EVERYONE! or HAPPY CHRISMAKWANZAHANNUKAH!!!
(did I miss anything or anybody?)

8 comments:

Miss-Informed said...

Apparently I am the only one on blogger today. Alright, first things first, Angelina looks far to thin lately. She is crossing straight over to bony in a slightly bad way. She is still sexy but come on! Her toe? That is mainly bones anyhoo. Gag.
Another *Gag* would have to be hot pocket(beef and onions kind) Britney style. Paaaleeeaaassseee! That is the worst. I can smell it from here.

Tug said...

Cracked me UP. Nice.....

Happy merry CHRISMAKWANZAHANNUKAH to you also! (thanktheLord for copy & paste on that one)

Anonymous said...

Merry Christmas Lainey! All the way from Osaka :)

Lightning Bug's Butt said...

Why Elaine. I see you still have a way with words.

I just discovered Mariah's All I Want for Xmas song this year and since I've heard it, I can't stop loving on her. I don't care how chunky she gets.

Anonymous said...

LBB you JUST discovered that song this year????

Only Angelina Jolie can make a white outfit and black boots look good.

Merry Happy Christmas Elaine!!

Softball Slut said...

Gawd - Brit Slit is turning into such a hoar. Now she cant blame KFed, like she had before. Thank God Justin left her before she turned him too.

Mooriah - Looks just as bad this year as she did in that pic. She has a Back to the Future vest on this year.

Mr Jackson - You do hide your children from even pics of him. He can reach through computers

Angelina - I will hold Elaine's hair back while she licks so that I too can see your feet

Anonymous said...

Perez Who?

You are my entertainment guru for all time. So f'ing hot. If only I had a thing for midgets, I'd ask you to do the gay girl thing.

I thank Mariah and Britney for making me and my broke self look sexy and good (in comparison to them).

CP said...

You do understand that bringing back fan letter fridays is the best fucking Channukah present I received this year, right? You are beyond bringing Sexy Back, my midgie little friend. You are so hot that you make satan feel chilly. You rawk my world...and my fridays!

Love love love FLF!!!!!

CP.