Thursday, October 19, 2006

Ten Nano Seconds To Going Postal....


Seriously.
People could die at the hands of the midget this week.
And speaking of this week.
Is this the slowest fucking week on record or what???

Would you like to partake in my cup of anger that overfloweth?
You would?
Gravy.

First annoyance, Yahoo and their instant "hot off the presses" bulletins that they feel they need to update every two mutherblowin seconds with ANYTHING that deem newsworthy so they can keep the poor Yahoo IT guy they got shackled to the computer to work into the wee hours of the night. (run-on..Brreeeath) Last night, as my shows were quietly being DVR'ed for my enjoyment for when I WANT TO WATCH IT (because that's what DVR is FOR after all...), I innocently wanted to check my email one last time before I went to bed and what perchance do I see on Yahoo's fucking bulletins???

- Jeff Sebalia wins Project Runway

I didn't want to look. In fact, I wanted so badly to go back in time for a minute so I wouldn't have seen that, I think the atmosphere quivered a little and the earth took a nano pause, felt sorry for me, but refused to turn back. Bitch Earth. So thanks. Thanks Yahoo bitches for rendering my DVR'ed Project Runway show useless and taking my lil Thursday morning treat that I so cherish and taking a fat, hot, greasy dump on it. Thank you oh so very much. I'll attempt to watch it with feigned ignorance to who won, I'll pretend to be on "the edge of my seat" when they announce the winner, I'll pretend. But I'll fail miserably.
So to the Yahoo corporate kissass who thought giving away the ending to a show five minutes before the actual show even ENDS. May the IT guy gnaw through his chains and stab you in the leg repeatedly with his dizzying array of office pens from his pocket protector.
Stupid Yahoo. You can all seriously kiss the fattest part of my ass.

SECOND, I am not driving an hour and a half because you have two, maybe three questions you want to ask me in person. Here's an idea. Phone. Email. Telegraph. Smoke signals. You've dragged this on so long, that I don't think you would even want to see me in person because I'm seriously SO CLOSE to cranking your neck and jerking it in an unnatural way that seeing you in person would push me over the edge. WHAT THE FUCK IS YOUR QUESTION NOW? ASK IT and let's MOVE ON.
*yeah, I know, you don't know what the above is all about. Its work. Its annoying me and giving me the trots. So I'll take my own advice and move on....

THIRD, Palm Springs this weekend was nice. Just what the Doctor ordered, but next time I get my prescription filled, I'm going to get a full week of this rather than just a weekend. In a nutshell, our weekend consisted of naps, eating, eating, naps, and a massage before driving back to real life. You know real life right? With bills sitting around waiting to get paid, the bank account simmering in a shallow pool of three digits and you wondering where the hell all the money goes, because God knows it isn't your wardrobe because last you checked, most of the clothes in your closet were older than your daughter, and God knows it isn't from getting haircuts because you've had your mohawk grown out, uneven shag of a Joyce Dewitt haircut for months on end now...so where? where does it all go I ponder? and why haven't I won the lottery yet. So wait? what am I annoyed about? Oh right. Money. Money can suck my ass...even though secretly I would like it to come visit me more often....in a one lump sum.

FOURTH, okay, so this isn't really an annoyance but a disturbing sight I saw in Palm Springs. Cute guy by the pool. Nice Body. The face is so so, but the body makes up for it... and ...oh...wait...what the hell? Yeah. The dude had straight butt foilage coming out of his trunks. It was curly, as if he had it permed, and appeared to have started from the middle of his back. Cute....not really. We went from relishing the eye candy, to spitting it out in digust after discovering the shit filled center...
Shave butt boy.
SHAVE.

Alright, I'm off to check my lottery tickets. I'd be happy with ten bucks.

Is it Friday yet?

7 comments:

J. said...

That's disgusting. Ewwwww.

Go see the guy with the question. Bring a bat.
You'll feel loads better.
*wink*

Softball Slut said...

Since I am starting early I have PMS. And it started 2 weeks early.

Miss-Informed said...

You are talent incarnate. Your random spew has the average person beat by a long shot. Damn, must feel pretty good to be you.

IDigHootchAndCootch said...

sing it, sister!!

good luck with the lotto.

popfizz said...

sorry.. my bad.
ill shave.

Some Random Girl said...

first off....I'm still getting the pop ups on your blog! ARGH! second, I think the uneven Joyce Dewitt is HOT! very stylish right now if you ask me!When it grows out further you can do the Krissy! but be sure to post pics so we can laugh?!

NeverEnough said...

Try spending a week in a mental ward. THEN you'll know what slow is!