Tuesday, September 12, 2006

Spam and Eggs Baby!

Mmmmm...I KNOW all you flippers out there know about THIS meal.. except where the banana ketchup at?!?!?

Not to start off on a somber note, but what is going on with people dying randomly lately? First Steve Irwin dies suddenly from a stingray THEN Anna Nicole Smith's 20 year old son died by her bedside while she was recovering from the birth of her baby girl! Steve Irwin dealt with the most dangerous animals and died from a stingray's sting, which in most cases, aren't deadly at all. The fucker just happened to be right underneath his heart. Anna Nicole's son was sitting by her bedside, asleep and they just couldn't revive him the next day!
This type of thing makes me want to stay inside for a couple weeks. I'm kind of scared that the crack in the sidewalk is going to indeed break my mother's back.

If I hear that godforsaken London Bridge song by Fergie ONE MORE TIME, I will personally pay her a visit and cut off HER London Bridge. (penis) Stupidest song ever and yet, I find myself humming it when I'm dropping the kids off at the pool.

Fast facts:
I love love Diane Lane.

I hate that smarmy ass Billy Bush from Access Hollywood.

Cinnabon is the tastiest route to a heart attack. I'll have two please.

Gwen Stefani almost never looks bad. And I think the bitch looks better AFTER she's had the baby.

There's always at least one person I work with that's about two seconds away from getting sliced. But shhhhh, don't blog about it! They read my shit and cry.

I'm convinced that Alex Trebek and Bob Barker are robots.

I've ate a spamburger hamburger this week and all felt right with the world.

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A couple posts ago, Leilouta tagged me to report the items that are currently in my purse.
This is a little late, but here goes....(mine is not nearly as interesting as hers).
So let's see, first I don't really carry a "purse" per se. I carry a camouflage messenger bag that my daughter lovingly calls my "rescue pack" ala Diego.

- An old San Diego County Fair ticket. We got an extra ticket free and I kept it in my purse with the intention of giving it to my brother when he got there. BUT I totally forgot about it and when they called me on my celly, they had already bought their tickets and got in. I live in regret of wasting a perfectly good ticket to funnel cakes and fried crap on a stick as far as the eye can see.

-About a million business cards with a handful of "magnet" business cards. "I don't know whatcha hurd bout' me, but I'm a muthapunkin P-I-M-P."
yes, I pimp my real estate agent self out as much as I can.

-Loreal Color Experte conditoner. Because.....well....your hair could go limp at any moment...yeah, I have no idea why its in there.....

- 3 pens. Two of them don't work.

- Cucumber Melon Hand Sanitizer. I have a two year old. Things can get messy but never unsanitary.

-Two diapers because someone is about 50/50 with her potty training right now. (the above-mentioned item comes in handy for these situations..)

- My Nine West cell phone holder that's become my wallet. inside, it has lipstick, lip conditioner, cc cards, id cards, more business cards/magnets and YES....an Icon Madonna Fanclub Membership card. I told you. P-I-M-P.

- A toothbrush. Minty fresh baby. Minty fresh.

- A packet of crayons. Because when it comes to graffiti, spraypaint was so five minutes ago...

- A handful of strawberry Halls...

okay, I think that's it and thank god for that. I just realized that my messenger bag is about two sticky linty candies and a pair of bifocal glasses away from being a grandma's bag.

last but not least...

Kelly Clarkson sings: "Because of you, I never stray too far from the sidewaaaalk...."
My daughter sings: "Because of you, I never stray too far from the cyboooorrgg....."

I'm guessing she's introducing a new genre of science fiction folk songs.

I'm off to break my "no snacking after 7:00 pm" rule.
Can someone give me a box of willpower with a side of lipo?

5 comments:

Lightning Bug's Butt said...

I shan't eat spam.

IDigHootchAndCootch said...

Alex Trebek IS a robot. And the conversations he has with the contestants of jep are a sure fire cure for insomnia.

Softball Slut said...

I ate a WHOLE Tostinos pizza, a can of soup and chips and dip for dinner. No I dont way 300 lbs but I am working my way up to it with that kind of appetite. Damn I feel like a fatty. Ann Richards the exgovernor of Tx died last night, so there is your 3rd.

Leilouta said...

I am surprised you don't have that much stuff in your purse :)

I think I will need 5 different bags when I become a mother.

Madonna said...

Looks good, except for the Spam part. I've given up meat...

As far as Bob Barker, in the words of Uncyclopedia: Bob Barker (born Robert William Barker) cannot be killed by any means known to man.