Monday, June 05, 2006

Monday Spitoon.

It's Monday..yet again. Le sigh. With that kind of title, don't expect much from me on this post. I have only had half a cup of coffee because I ran out of my delicious Creme Brulee' creamer, which turns my normal ol' coffee into a cup of tastebud heaven. My coffee right now tastes a lot

So anyways, where was I? I was suppose to regale you of my stories from this weekend. I was suppose to be excitedly typing about how I met Madonna after her concert, she fell in love with me and I'm now hired as her FWB. OH and how Guy Ritchie and Brad also fell in love with each other and have been on a "fishing trip" for the entire weekend.
A good story that would have made indeed.

Unfortunately, the box office thwarted my plans and security at the Staples Center "cocked blocked" me. Long story short.. I got "okay" floor seats (box office told me they were GREAT), I saw my girlfriend again (after I stood up on a chair to look over 4 rows of people who were NOT short) but she couldn't see me because security refused to let anyone stand by the barrier this time around (I spit upon Staples Center security.. PATOOEY!). Oh well. You win some, you lose some. On a more positive note, I WAS entertained by the people I sat by. On my left were drunk Barbie girls who spent the first half of the show looking for their equally drunk friend, then the second half on the floor looking for their purse, camera and their balance. Two of the drunk girls saw me standing on my chair and thought.. "what a good idea!" Yeah. Not so much when you've had a few too many margaritas. One girl immediately hit the floor after the first attempt, (she forgot that "folding chairs" do indeed, "fold up"..even when you don't want them to. Those sneaky chairs.) the other girl soon followed and hit the floor HARD, after getting a little too jiggy with it during "Ray of Light." I think they sustained a few bruises and concussions from the concert, but because of the numbing beauty of alchohol, they got up and kept right on dancing. Another guy behind us decided, "Hey, what's a Madonna concert without lighting up a doobie?" NICE! So we all got a free, second hand highs and danced the night away with happy sloppy grins. Good times. Good times. I was a tad disappointed with my seats, but I couldn't help but have a great time anyways, with the crazy people I was sitting by. The sad part about the whole situation is that I realized that the farther back you get from the stage, the more you'll find the real fans, who scrimped and saved for seats that require binoculars yet, they're still having the time of their lives. The people in the front (like Uma Thurman who was there that night) decided they were just going to sit down and enjoy their hotdog. Its a bit unfair that the people who love the woman have to fight for seats from people who have the money but could really care less. (except that chick from the 70's show, Mila Kunis, who was (I heard) dancing her ass off the entire time).
But in the end, I'm just happy I got to see her THREE times! I am SO ready for my official Stalker Card!

So, much to the relief of many readers (and Brad), the Madonna worship will now cease on this blog. She's officially done with her L.A. dates...sniff...I will miss you Mrs. Ritchie. And in honor of this momentous finale..I leave you with a few verses from the Book Of Ciccone,(that's Madonna's maiden name for those of you not in the know):


J. said...

OMG ... did you really have to say all that shit to me so
Damn girl.

djmetronome said...

love it...happy you finally got your stalker card..congrats!

and I concur with the "real fans should get the good tickets" statements. Maybe there should be a Q&A session required to determine what "section" you can buy tickets in...

Laurie said...


It's official.

I want you.

That is all.

Elaine said...

J: I'm sorry girl. I just couldn't help myself.

djmetronome: IF ONLY. Because if that were teh case, I would not only get front row tickets to her concert but front row tickets to her bedroom as well....("when you wish upon a star...")

Laurie: I'm SO glad that the feeling is FINALLY mutual. I knew you'd come around. ;D

Kim said...

I keep getting emails telling me that "great" Madonna seats are still available in FRESNO.

How big of a fan are you?

(I drove to Fresno a couple years ago on a random weekend to see Elton John. Don't laugh.)

Elaine said...

Kim: You know I would, but the whole "not having any more money" is kind of getting in the way. Patooey.

IDigHootchAndCootch said...

your Madonna video snipets have been a source of endless fun for me. last week a friend of mine at work was watching and listening to your madonna video clips with his head phones on. as the end of one of the video clips neared I unplugged his head set and all throughout the office we heard your "OH MA GO.." It was awesome.

Riss said...

I have nothing to contribute to the madonnna love but I will say that Creme Brulee creamer rocks!!!!!!!!

popfizz said...

u r hawt.

Leilouta said...

I am glad you had fun.
Mariah Carey is having a show in Tunisia this month.I am glad I'm not there :)

Alyson said...

Umm, if THAT doesn't score you an Academy Award, nothin' will. hahahahaha, I LOVE IT!

Debi said...

First of all.. Bwahahah - love the reading. Second - now, I'm about to blaspheme here... your queen can bite my ass. She is demanding "minimal air conditioning" at her concert here in the land of the blazing hot sun. Yes, they are estimating a cool 86 degrees inside the Glendale arena - easily 90 when you stuff hot sweaty bodies all around you. That's fine for an orgy - but if I don't get some, I'm demanding a refund.

Julie Jewels said...

OMg! Was that you???!??!

Yay! I get to actually see and hear you and you're not just words on a website!

CP said...

HOly shit. HOw the fuck did I miss this post?????