Tuesday, May 30, 2006


When an jackass accidentally shoots another jackass, we scream: GUN CONTROL!

When an asswipe with a small penis trains a pitbull to be vicious in order to inflate his own shrunken balls, we cry: PUT THE DOG TO SLEEP!

When a dumb bitch spills hot coffee on herself because she DIDN'T KNOW the coffee was hot, we immediately reward her with millions of dollars and dummy proof the cups with a "Coffee Is Hot" warning label.

Is it me or are we catering to the stupid people? Why blame the gun, the dog or the coffee for that matter when its obvious in each and every one of these situations that this was a STUPID person problem? Let's expand on Bill Engvall's "Here's Your Sign" joke and make an actual identification marker for the stupids with my Proposition D.O.Y.

Proposition D.O.Y. would require an IQ test that would be taken right along with your Driver's License or when you obtain your ID Card. Proposition D.O.Y. will assess your intelligence level and let others know, with just one glance at your driver's license or ID card, that, yes, I will donate my organs when I die; however, don't give me any sharp things to play with.

For example, if you score high on the D.O.Y. test, you will have amazing privileges such as being able to drive any car you choose. Score average on the test, its economy car for you, score low on the test and well.. here's some tennis shoes and a bike. Have fun! I know it's harsh and I'm not saying all smart people are reasonable and responsible, but what are the odds that the dimbulb who dried his hair while still in the tub is any more responsible? Do we really want that guy to be driving a 3,000 pound vehicle at 70 miles an hour whilst picking his belly button lint and singing along to his Bon Jovi CD? I think not. And yet, I see it happen everyday.

Proposition D.O.Y. is good for everyone. It limits the stupid people from infringing on the rights of those who read books every once in a while. Other D.O.Y. limits would limit or ban stupid people from:
*owning a gun or a butter knife,
*procreating or babysitting
*owning an animal. Seamonkeys would be okay but they would have to apply for a license.
*voicing their opinions loudly in public, lest it influence tender young minds who have yet to take the D.O.Y. test
* running for office or having their vote count as ONE whole vote (stupid people's vote would only count for half).
* being anywhere near anything that involves fire or heat.

Also, like a driver's license, you must take the D.O.Y test every couple of years to renew your smart status or upgrade your dumbass score and obtain the smart people status. So there is a chance to do some of them thar readin' and rithmitic and better yourself!Proposition D.O.Y. would also apply to celebrities such as Paris Hilton. After scoring low on her test (because really, can you picture her scoring high? yea. me neither.) she would be limited to her inane red carpet posing but NO TALKING is allowed. None. No more "That's Hot!" for you Ms. Hilton. If one word escapes her lips while a camera is pointed at her, she would immediately fined, arrested and put into jail with the likes of Olga and Davida.

So you see? EVERYONE would benefit from Proposition D.O.Y. Intelligent people will be rewarded with actually using their brain and going on with life, whilst the stupid people will just be watched over like toddlers and not get in our way.

"Yes, hot coffee is hot ..oh wait..let me see your license...oooohhh.. I see. Please hand me the cup and step away from the coffee maker."

Another positive outcome from Proposition D.O.Y. would be the decrease in our school's dropout rate. Being smart not only gets you into a good college but it also gives you the right to use non-plastic utensils! Talk about motivation!

Vote for Proposition D.O.Y. The stupid people are depending on you.

*this proposition is funded and supported by those who read books, know that coffee is hot, blow dry their hair AWAY from the tub, do not drink lighter fluid and handle sharp objects with care.


Judy E said...

I vote Y-E-S on Proposition D.O.Y.!

djmetronome said...

Just tell me were to sign the petition....

and I'm more than happy to donate my lawn for some of those crappy lawn signs for this one!!

IDigHootchAndCootch said...

I actually saw a guy today walking his dog wearing a "slippery when wet" t-shirt. Ahhh...the guy was wearing the t-shirt, not the dog.

coryandfarah said...

I will gladly vote for this, even if my vote only counts as half a vote!! ;)

As always. very intersting, Elaine!

CP said...

I vote Y-E-S on D.O.Y.!!!!

Matter of fact, I have some DOY candidates right here in my home!

Where can I sign up? Please?

I want to be able to use my tub again, without a bathmat!


Oh, and didja see what Our Queen did now???

Gotta love that woman.

Some Random Girl said...

I love that Bill E. joke. It makes me laugh because it's so true! Here's your sign.

Beloved of El Elyon said...

I vote yes to D.O.Y. but some sort of proviso must be made..sometimes people find it hard to believe I am a certified card carrying genius..the question might be..were they giving away freebies on that I.Q test? LOL..so get to it miss thing..what's the proviso?

Julie Jewels said...

I vote YES on D.O.Y.!!

Kim said...

Amen, sista.

Debi said...

First of all, I’m putting into motion my P.O.Y. 2006 campaign. Next, I’m gonna plan out an addendum that smites people outright for ignorantly blabbing about how they’re a card-carrying genius. Despite IQ points, anyone that socially retarded does not belong in the gene pool.