Monday, May 22, 2006

Did you really think I'd miss opening night for the Queen?

Of course not!

To be fair, I wasn't planning on going as opening night in Los Angeles is usually full of fake collagen lips, fake bags of saline, and even faker personalities, but a fellow Madonna soldier talked me into going with him.. (by "talked me into it" I mean, he asked me if I wanted to go and I said yes). My fellow Madonna soldier is a successful veteran who has been victorious in the front row battle before, so I was in good respectable company. I was inspired and determined to get front row! Like true soldiers, we braved the streets of Inglewood to fuel ourselves with Jack in The Box before going into battle. We dodged greasy scalpers, held our bladders and later, our bowels, and annoyed the hell out of the box office by asking them for floor seats over and over and over again. Unfortunately, all the fakes decided to show up for the Queen's show and no additional floor seats were released. Not one. By 8:15, it appeared to be a lost cause. I was ready to pack it in and head home. Little did I know that I came with a veteran who was determined to fight. He faked like he was getting information from the booth and discreetly bought tickets for me and him for the concert! I was in awe of his determination and generousity towards a fellow soldier! I momentarily basked in the joy that comes with being at a Madonna concert accompanied by a REAL Madonna nut, much like myself. It makes one want to go into battle again and again! (Although I later learned that what I perceived as"determination" was really just his own version of the pee pee dance. The man needed the toilet stat!). We ended up at a fairly decent seat behind Lisa Rinna (who, oddly enough, looked prettier in person than on T.V. where she pretty much looks like she has a swollen vagina for lips) and her husband Harry Hamlin. It wasn't front row but damn it, it was opening night for the Queen and we were there to witness the magic! I won't even try to describe the show because a Madonna show in indescribable. You just have to be there, nuf said. The cost of the ticket is just a hint of things to come. The woman knows full well she bent you over, sans lube, AND you willingly took it while putting a chunk of change in her pocket. Her concert is a big fat orgy to her fans... her way of saying "thank you" for bending over I suppose. But it hurts SO good.
Only Madonna can blend music,dance, sex,fun controversy, politics, religion and retro into one tasty concert burrito! I inhaled the said burrito people. INHALED it. I would have probably swallowed it whole had it not been for the GHETTO ASS Forum's lack of air conditioning. There was a lot of talk today as to why the LA Forum had transformed into Africa during Madonna's concert. It was hard to keep dancing when it felt like you were sinking into a swampy lagoon. A little bit of A/C would have really had the place going. Poor Madonna tried to get everyone to sing at the end, but the crowd could only muster out a very scratchy rendition of "Hung Up" for a few minutes before crying out for water or slipping on their own sweat. It was a steam room in there! Otherwise, I LOVED IT! It was the most fun I've seen her have during her concert, a little less theatrical and a little more engaging. A refreshing change from her previous concerts. But really folks, I'm biased. She could have stood there and scratched her ass and I would have still been in awe.
..and YES, she does do the crucifix which I know is offensive to some at the very thought that she did it at all. I'm betting that half who are offended wouldn't be as offended if you saw in context with the show. It was thought provoking, very moving, conveyed a message of peace, understanding of one another, etc., it was visually stunning and yes, shocking.
But its Madonna. Hello. its not like you just met her people.

So have I had enough? Did I get my fill? (Yeah, I heard all of you just laugh in unison.)

I'm going into battle again tomorrow.

The mission: FLOOR TICKETS near the end of the catwalk.. it is where she does most of her crawling around and what not.. a perfect opportunity to slip her my number you see.......

Stay tuned!





5 comments:

Some Random Girl said...

my cousin would be so jealous. He's a huge fan!

popfizz said...

i thought you had tix already?? wtf???

i'd say you could blow someone for good seats but everyone there is gay so maybe your friend can help out.

Elaine said...

popfizz: I didn't have tix for opening night. I DO have tix for tonight though, just want to upgrade them to the floor....and I'm pretty sure that only requires a handjob.

We'll see.

Debi said...

Joey is the bestest of the best. I figgin' love that guy.

CP said...

Do you have any clue of how insanely jealous I am? I haven't seen the Queen in concert since...*thinks* Her Blonde Ambition Tour! Ay!

Have the best time, and tell her I love her! *LOL*

CP.