JackassMountain climbing. Really? Why? Oh I just HEAR the gung ho mountain climbers right now all saying in unison, "Because its there." That kind of iron clad logic should suffice right? Well it doesn't. Just like when it doesn't suffice with the police why I swiped a $1000 dollar pair of shoes from Nordstroms.
"Ma'am, why were you attempting to sneak out of the store with a pair of Manolo Blahniks stuffed down your crotch?"
"Because IT WAS THERE. Duh."
Ok sure. Mountain climbing would be fun, the first time. Climbing a few hills to get a nice outdoor workout. Understandable. I'm specifically talking to those people who buy thousands of dollars worth of equipment to hang their body weight precariously on a rock the size of my thumb that happens to be wedged between a boulder that's so high up in the air it makes your butt pucker. THEN if they don't make it to the top in one day, they spend the night in some makeshift tent with the temperature dipping to -50. So what do they do when they finally get up there? Does a pot of gold await them? Do they find the cure for cancer? Nope. They usually take a picture, look around, yell, then CLIMB BACK DOWN.
To those people, I would like to say, STOP IT. Really. Its not necessary. Doing it for the thrill? Go stand near a bridge and try to catch yourself as I push you from behind. THAT's a thrill! Mountain climbing is a waste of money and energy. You've got way too much time on your hands and way too much money. Go volunteer someplace and take that "climbing" urge to where it really belongs. A rock gym at the 24 hour fitness. Save us from your stories of triumph and success as you scaled Mount Hairypunanny and had a "moment" at the top with God. The people you regale your stories to may look impressed, but really what they're thinking is:
"Jackass. .........Did I pay my light bill today? (Smiling and nodding as you blah blah blah).
And as for God having a "moment" with you.. well, I doubt it. With people starving, human trafficking, cancer, war, murders, and all those rap guys thanking him at the music awards, He's a tad too busy to be having "a moment" with you because you're patting yourself on the back for climbing a rock.
So please just put down your climbing harness and your chalk bag, return them to the store you bought it from and mail me the check deal?
DEAL!
5 comments:
Sherpas. They do it for the sherpas. If not for rock climbers, how would the sherpas get any work?
OMG. Thank you for this post. I love you.
EVERYONE here thinks they need to climb mountains, rocks, etc. with their fancy gear and stupid shoes. There is even a channel on TV that shows people doing it 24 hours a freakin' day. And the people here at work actually watch that channel.
Ugh.
The SHERPAS! OF COURSE! Thank you Shannon. How selfish of me to ignore the sherpas hard work! :D
hahahahaha Did you ever see that movie with Chris O'Donnell...about how he and his sister keep trying to relive their father's dream of climbing Mt. Everest? Ummmmm, no. Why not relive your father's dream of STAYING ALIVE. Jackasses. All of them. With that, I'll go pay my light bill!
I feel the same way about people jumping out of perfectly functional planes. My friend Paul is always trying to get me to jump out of a plane with him yeah right. Let me tell you something about Filipino people. We don't jump out of planes. Pushed maybe.
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