Tuesday, January 24, 2006

What? WHo? where?

I'm so unbelievably tired that I can't even believe I'm attempting to blog today, but here I am, writing in a coma. So the only thing that I'm capable of doing today is a good ol' random post about celebrities.

A REAL quote from Ryan Seacrest in this week's USMagazine:
" I look for a woman that really knows how to put shoes, belts and purses together."
Umm.. by "woman" you mean "man" right Ryan? Can someone tell this guy that he has crossed over the metro line and has officially become mayor of gay town?

*Now I usually try and not talk about Fergie (AKA Stacy Ferguson) from Black Eyed Peas, because
A.) her dad was my favorite teacher in high school B.) The B.E.P.s rock the house.
But after turning my head away from some of her bad fashion choices, peeing on herself during a concert (side effects from tranny operation?) and the fact that her face is slowly morphing into Gene Shalit's, I couldn't hold myself in any longer...what is going ON with her stomach in this picture? Especially that gaping hold on her right side. It looks like she got a discount lipo by Dr. Stevie Wonder. She's got some "lumps" alright.. they're just not as lovely as she claimed.

*Brangelina is pregnant and the Judge grants Jolie's adopted kids with Pitt's name. BUT they STILL haven't answer the real question...are Brad and Angelina DATING?!?

*Katie Holmes' new movie, "Thank You For Smoking," premiered at the Sundance Film Festival but the film was mysteriously missing a sex scene that Katie had with co-star Aaron Eckart. They CLAIM that the projectionist screwed up the reels and left it at that. I personally went up there and checked on the projectionist myself and he was passed out cold! After reviving him, he reportedly claimed that someone had come into the booth, screeched "DIE ALIEN SEED!" and konked him over the head. Police are currently looking for this man:


*Despite rumors that Bobby and Whitney are headed to divorce court, Bobby Brown stats taht the claim is "false" and that he's "sticking" to Whitney. Now is he sticking to Whitney on his own accord or is he actually "STUCK" to Whitney via bacon grease, sweat and old hair gel? Either way, those two need serious help..or a free couples lobotomy.

*Jessica Simpson has apparently been seen with the lead singer for Maroon 5, Adam Levine,who's also dated Kirsten Dunst and Lindsey Lohan. (a divorced dimbulb, a hag and a crack addict! THAT'S big pimpin' babee!) Really ladies, why even bother with the dating him, just get together at each other's houses and spit in each other's mouths for a couple hours.. its the same thing.

*Nicole Ritchie accidentally flashes a nipple during an E! interview. I was SHOCKED ...as I did not think it was possible to just have nipples on top of a rib cage.

*Pink weds motorcross superstar Carey Hart, snarling her way to the alter. Hart lovingly told Pink that she was the "perfect chick," during their vows, tearing up afterwards. Later, after Pink and Hart consumated their marriage, Pink devoured Hart with some farva beans and a nice bottle of Chiante.

.AAAAAAAAAAAAAAANDDD I'm spent. Lackluster post I know, but as soon as I find out where I left my energy and youth (oh wait, the doctor said that goes out with the placenta...DAMN, that hippie pitching that placenta soup recipe doesn't seem so disgusting now....)
okay so let me rephrase.. as soon as I down 5 cups of coffee and take a cold shower, I'll be back with more kiddies! Meanwhile, inspire me, insult me, kiss me in the morning and then just WALK away, I dont care, leave a comment and make up for this sorry post.

6 comments:

Kim said...

"side effects from tranny operation?" ha ha ha ha! Seriously, what is wrong with her face? She used to be such a pretty blonde girl.

The Dormouse said...

Wow, great stuff here. I'm 19yellow72 from writing up. Fairly new to blogging myself, so hey! I've made a new friend.
Anyway. I love your sense of humor, you can bet i'll keep reading now. Thanks for the link!

Judy E said...

How funny, I just read on another article that Paris Hilton's nipple was also exposed... They must be having a tit-off to see who gets more "shocking" publicity.

Shannon Bieger said...

Still pretty damn funny for being too tired. Fergie is retracting her rib cage by the way. I can do that too. It's freaky but great for a quick fake out to give the illusion you're super thin. But obviously that only works when you're clothed. When you're half naked you just look like a deformed string bean.

Lightning Bug's Butt said...

Pink has always frightened me a little. I like Fergie, though.

Alyson said...

Shannon WOULD know that, wouldn't she? ;)

And HA! On the Gene Shalit! hahahaha YES SHE DOES! hahaha I couldn't nail it before, but you got it! Thanks for clearing up weeks of sleepless nights!