On today's news, man stock has plummeted to new levels with the revelation that MEN ARE NOW WEARING WOMEN'S JEANS. (ladies, let's take a moment....breath in....and now out...).
I first heard of this alarming trend when I was living with the in laws in Missouri. My younger sister in law nonchalantly mentioned how her boyfriend butt looked "cute" in her jeans and that he and OTHER BOYS she knew wore women's low rise jeans all the time. At first I was like, "Oh, HA HA... right? haha.. please tell me you're joking.. please... HA HA RIGHT?? RIGHT?!!?!?!"
I later saw a blip about it on a message board and some women (gasp) think this is just DANDY, because they can share their clothes with men! OH. MY. GOD.
I am officially traumatized.
At the risk of sounding old fashioned, let me just speak my peace. Real men do not wear women's jeans. I don't give a shit if it's the "in" thing or what, but if you can tuck your penis between your legs and squeeze into women's jeans, you are officially a woman. Please give me back my bra and go lift some weights. I mean, really, aren't we just one second away from them wearing our underwear? Are we going to say that it's cute as hell when their hairy asses are shoved up into our frillies? I think not. So let's just nip it in the bud right now. It is not cute. However, if your manly ass wants to get into some Superman tights, I have no qualms about that.
Onto other news.... I actually saw this on Associated Press today:
"Study Links Bake Sales to Weight Problems." There was an actual study conducted concerning obesity in students who go to a school that offers a lot of junk food.
Holy crap! You mean Cheetohs, Coke and Funyuns aren't good for you??? Damn.
Apparently this was conducted by the: "S.(tating)T.(he)O.(bvious) Research Group, that also conducted the following studies:
"Walking barefoot gets feet dirty."
"Studies Link Alcohol with Being Drunk."
"Studies show that hot coffee burns."
"Research studies show that people who don't wear jackets in the winter eventually get cold."
Without these valuable extensive research studies, the world would be chaos. Imagine all the third degree burns as we pour hot coffee on ourselves over and over again, the massive spread of hypothermia due to the lack of wearing jackets when the weather was nippy and 500 pound middle schoolers sitting around eating ding dongs in class! Thank you S.T.O. Research Group for saving humankind.