Thursday, December 29, 2005

Got Answers?

Just random things I'm pondering at this very moment.........

Dora and Diego's parents.
Where are they? Isn't it just a tad irresponsible for their parents to be letting their little children run around in the rain forest with only a monkey or a baby jaguar to accompany them? Do Diego's parents KNOW that he swings on vines and that he truly believes he can "talk" to animals? Do Dora's parents KNOW that she dabbles in witchcraft and crosses precarious bridges guarded by grumpy old trolls? I think not. Maybe CPS should be contacted about this.

Charlie and Lola: Same thing. Why is Charlie looking after his sister all the live long day? Feeding her, dressing her, taking her to school. Is there a CPS in London?

Wile E. Coyote. When he orders stuff from Acme to try and catch the Road Runner, why does he only use them once? He screws it up and then goes and buys another new fangled trap. Imagine all the money he would have saved if he had just given the boulder catapult one more shot? And how is he ordering these things? Online probably.....

Oobi. Where do I begin? (for those of you who DON'T have children, it's a hand puppet. A hand with eyeballs.) It irks me that they use their mouth for everything. Is it EVEN their mouth or is it suppose to be their arms, their hair, what? Ooma, the little girl, puts ribbons in her "hair" (finger) and then carries a purse on her arm (other finger) ? It's confusing and creepy. And what up with Grandpoo raising two children? AGAIN. Where are Oobi and Ooma's parents? Where's Grandmapoo?

Walt Disney Hates Moms: Otherwise, why would they kill off the mom in almost EVERY Disney cartoon? Think about it. Snow White's mom? Dead. Belle's mom. Oh yeah, DEAD. Bambi's mom? Shot. Nemo's mom? Eaten by a shark. Cindrella's mom? you guessed it! A stiff. I'm thinking the Walt Disney company has some mommy issues they need to resolve. But then again, Mulan had both her parents, so maybe Asian characters are immune to the Disney Mom Killing Machine. (whew)

What do BoyScouts sell? GirlScouts have their yummy cookies.. but what do BoyScouts sell? Seriously, I'd like to know. Anyone? Bueller? Bueller?

Why do all toys "talk" now?
Even toy kitchens talk, toy houses talk, EVERYTHING talks for you! Remember the days when they didn't talk and we had to use (gasp) our IMAGINATION? We would make the voices for the toys? Which was so much cooler, because they didn't just keep saying the same thing over and over again then give you the silent treatment when they run out of batteries. Our toys had different voices, said anything you wanted it to say and never needed batteries.

and now... questions I DO have answers for.....

Fuck and Copulate are the same word. Why is fuck considered a bad word when compulate isn't? Fuck was derived from a German word, which, back in the day, was considered the language of the "lower classes" whereas Copulate derived from a French word, which was considered the language of the "upper classes." The same goes for shit and defecate. One was derived from a "lower class" language while the other a "upper class" language.
(thanks Debi, Linguistics genius, for that tidbit)
I'm kind of glad it worked out that way though because it's just not the same when you say:
Go copulate yourself! or Defecation Happens.

Who published the first "cosmo" type advice magazine thus starting the trend of making women feel unworthy and not good enough? Fucking Nostradamus, that's who! Before he started writing his ever so vague "predictions," he wrote Almanacs that included handy tidbits for women on how to whiten their teeth, whiten their skin, how to get the perfect shiny red hair, what make up to wear to allure men, etc. He even had horoscopes and a "embarrassing moments" section in it.
"One time, as I was unbuckling my chastity belt the most embarrassing thing happened....."

Ice cream cones were invented by accident. An ice cream vender selling hot waffles and ice cream, ran out of bowls and used the hot waffles to continue serving customers their ice cream "to go." I believe this man was cheated out of his Nobel Prize.

Sandwiches were invented by a gambler. Too damn addicted to gambling to get up and eat. He had the waitress put a steak between two pieces of bread so he could hold the steak in one hand and continue gambling with the other hand. That's big pimpin baby.

Why is it that no matter what I start talking about on this thing, somehow, someway, Food and the general topic of food always gets brought up?

I need to snack while I do this.....


Alyson said...

Polkadonna. LOVE it. And I'll be your first booking. My 30th birthday in Vegas. (September 2008). Be there. Please be ready to play The Immaculate Collection. All of it. A lot. :) haha

Shannon Bieger said...

Yeah is it any wonder why so many women end up hating their mothers? Why is every evil Disney character the stepmother?

Elaine said...

Ummm Alyson, I HAVE the song book for Immaculate Collection and you're giving me til' 2008 to practice??? GIRRL get ready for a show!!!

Shannon, ok. I'm glad I'm not the only one that notices that Disney nixes the mother and makes the stepmother a bitch. What is up with that?!?!?!?

Lightning Bug's Butt said...

Fascinating post. I love random musings. I knew about the ice cream cone. I recently looked it up, in fact.

Debi said...

FYI: boyscouts sell popcorn. Yep, just popcorn. They got ripped. However, the ROI (return on investment, for those less adapted to the office world)is way better on popcorn. The production cost for Tagalongs is pretty high. The boyscouts make almost as much money on there "yummy" fundraiser as the girls do, and seriously... who buys popcorn? Goes to show, that as much as we gorge ourselves on those damn cookies, the boys are out making the same green with a tenth of the work. You don't see them pimpin' corn outside your local Ralphs. They just kick back and let higher profit margins do their thing!

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