As Craig and Smokey would say: "daaaammmnn!!"
When I hear the name Pippa, I'm reminded of someone English for sure, probably a happy lass with a dry sense of humor, big buggy eyes, dull blond hair and bad teeth...who hates Americans. Did I manage to cover the stereotypical description of every European? Let me know what I missed...if you're European don't get mad. I'm kiddng! What I"m trying to say is that I was totally expecting THIS ...
It doubles as a hat and a I.U.D!
Never in my wildest dreams would I have ever imagined that someone named Pippa would be a curvy hot piece with an ass that wouldn't quit....
Baggage in the Royal Carriage. Holla.
It's hard enough to believe that the bridesmaid dress didn't make me want to run over it with a car just to put it out of its misery, but then to also have a gorgeous bridesmaid inside the gorgeous dress? The Royal Wedding suddenly became the most magical of afternoons.
A goddess Pippa is, smiling ever so sweetly as she led the flower girls and little nutcracker boys (is it Christmas?) inside the church. I'm sure prior to Pippa, the children were as cute as fresh baked cupcakes, but unfortunately, the glare from Pippa's fire of fine completely washed them out and we saw them for the true, blue blood inbred spawn that they really are:
Smitten, I could barely focus on the actual wedding because who cares about Prince William and his ever appearing bald spot and Gary Busey chompers (seriously, did those grow in the last couple years? Wasn't Prince William all kinds of hot just two years ago? I don't remember his teeth looking like a row of luggage.) and while Kate looked elegant and every inch the Princess, I just wasn't the same after seeing the magic of Pippa.
And thanks to the ridiculousness of Facebook, I can now fuel my newfound stalksession with Pippa by joining fan sites such as "Pippa Middleton: Rear Of The Year," Pippa Middleton is Single.. Prince Harry Likes This." and "Pippa's arse is like a J.K. Rowling Book, you know Harry's going to be in it." It seems I can't get enough of the sweet delicate trifle that is Pippa Middleton.
Lady in Waiting? Try Lady who's Got Everyone Salivatin.
Years from now, when people ask me about The Royal Wedding, I shall rudely interrupt them mid sentence and call the day for what it actually was, The Day of The Pippa. Then I would let a poop toot go and pretend I had a mud pie in my Depends because I would be old by then and too cranky to listen to their mindless banter about flying cars. Then I'd tell them to fetch the nurse on their way out and let her know I need baby wipes and my tattered but much loved picture of Pippa Middleton.
Pippa 4 Eva....