Wednesday, February 25, 2009

FACT: A Body In Motion Tends to Really Hate You While You're Doing It.

(Brain): Is someone chasing us?

(eyeballs): Not that we can see. Then again I think the homepage of Facebook has been burned into our retinas, compromising our ability to see clearly, so don't take our word for it.

(Brain): Can someone inform her that we're not being chased?

(Me): We've been through this before guys, I'm running now remember?

(Brain): oh so this is like a regular thing?! For no reason. We're just running....all the way over there...and back? And no one is chasing us? I'm confused.

(Shins): Sonuvabitch. Can you inform her that Ms. Thang is no longer in high schooland her legs are the size of lil' smokies. We've got to do overtime when she runs!

(Me): Believe me I know, I can feel both of you burning in contempt.

(Legs): You know I think she's got nice stems for a short girl.

(Me): Me too - thank you Legs.

(Shins): Yeah, sexy lil' smokies.

(Me): Shut up. We have to do this...we have to run...

(Ass): Why don't we just call it out like it is! It's ME okay! She's trying to get rid of me!! (sniffs)

(Me): oh ass, don't cry. It's not you, it's just all the extra friends that surround you.

(Ass): Don't try to be nice to me now that everyone's listening ....

(Lungs): possible...for pant) ...with yourself...while...sitting ...that...lovely Denny's ....over there....see? They there...go...let's run ...there!

(Brain, Eyeballs, Shins, Stomach, Arms, Fingers, Toes, Hair, Ass): YEAH! Let's EAT!!!

(Me): No one wants a Grand Slam more than I do guys but come on, if I keep eating like that I'm going to have my own gravitational pull.

(Ass): You're talking about me again aren't you? Admit it. I heard you cursing about me in the dressing room at Target. It's not my fault you couldn't fit into those jeans!

(Me): well..actually, yeah it was. I was having a hard time getting past you to put it on.

(Ass): Shut up! You're trying to kill me is what you're doing. How the hell was I suppose to breath in those!? Who needs jeans!? What's wrong with your sweats for chrissakes!?

(Stomach): It's not just you ass - I haven't seen the light of day since her daughter was born. Remember all the good times we had together in Palm Springs, Lake Havasu, or anytime it was hot. I don't even remember what the sun feels like anymore!! I saw you eyeballing a one piece this past summer! Are you ashamed of me!?!?

(Me): This is exactly the reason why we cannot run to the Denny's.

(Stomach): Ooh you know what they have at Denny's - the Rooti Tooti Fresh and Fruity.

(Mouth): Omg! Let's go NOW.

(Brain): That's IHOP genius.

(Mouth): Whatever! Let's go to IHOP then!

(Me): No! On top of possibly looking like an exercise ball, do you know how all this fattening crap will screw with my health? I mean, hello, heart disease is only a couple In & Out Burgers away.

(Mouth): If you speak ill of In & Out one more time I swear I will make you swallow your own tongue!

(Heart): And please, don't be bringing me into this shit, I'm fine. I say eat all you want, I can take it!

(Me): That's really admirable but you're not going to be saying that when I'm hauling my 2 ton ass off the couch and you have to work over time just so I can get to the kitchen to have another glass of gravy.

(Mouth): mmmmm - gravy.

(Ass): There you go again talking shit about me. I have feelings too you know.

(Me): This is good for all of us okay? I know it sucks but you know the alternative sucks more.

(Brain): What's the alternative?

(Me): Well remember that lady at Wal-Mart that was in a flower moo moo who smelled of moldy towels, taking up half the aisle as she perused their vast selection of Pop Tarts?



Beth said...

Damn, now I'm running too.

franki said...

oh this was fucking brilliant. i've missed you.

Tami T said...

Thanks Elaine, I'll remember this conversation during my run this weekend.

elisa said...

you're a genius. don't tell anyone i said that.

Tug said...

L.O.L. I don't get the whole "running" thing unless there are bases. Never will...and yes, my body shows it.

In N Out. *SIGH* I miss those...I have a friend in Phoenix that sends them to me (with beer - BEST.FRIEND.EVER) on my birthday.

Caroline said...

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA. I was just contemplating doing some exercise - then I had a brownie and the idea passed.

panda_eyed said...

Brilliant! Love this post! I'm putting the chocolate down now! Thanks for the motivation :)

SHADOW said...

(Heart): And please, don't be bringing me into this shit, I'm fine. I say eat all you want, I can take it!


Anonymous said...

I LOVE it!!!! I totally feel you...well, all my body parts agree with your body parts anywayz...good for you to keep going!

Keep up the sense of gets you through all the sprints I know you are doing (you are sprinting, right...don't make me run your ass ragged when I get back!)!