Tuesday, July 08, 2008

Me Punchy Your Face In Yes?

So this weekend we did the usual Fourth of July jaunt to the Del Mar Fair. This was the first year that the munchkin was tall enough to ride some of the rides by herself and you know, in her head, this was a right of passage for ..um, I don't know.. four year olds? Maybe there's some kind of hazing initiation for new kindergarten students? I mean, they did have a pre-k graduation ceremony, anything is possible at this point. Alls I know is the minute we went into that fair she made a beeline for the rides like she was one of the one eyed carnies working that shit and she was late for her shift.

So first ride, merry go round, a warm up, for the munchk, but viking hubby almost lost his egg Mcmuffin because he doesn't do spinning rides and holy rusty rides people! you should have seen this merry go round - GO ROUND! I had to check and make sure the name of the ride was indeed Merry Go Round and not Human Blender because it was THAT fast - I thought they'd go back in time.

A couple rides into it, munchkin finally makes her way to the last ride which were these little rotating fighter airplane deals that she could go on by herself. This was good for me because then I can stand on the sidelines like a jackass, take a million pictures and capture the moment on video only to ruin it because I can't shut my giant piehole and all you hear on the tape is me going- Look over here! Smile! Wave! Say hi to grandma! Say hi to grandpa! Recite the Gettysburg address! Make shadow puppets! She was looking me like, damn woman where is your off button?
Anyways, digressing is my friend ..........

So we're standing there, first in line for Maddy's final and according to her, most 'favoritist' ride (she's never rode it before but you know, maybe in her previous life, who was I to question?). We're waiting for the first crew to get off and I'm shuffling around my bag to find the video cam, looked up and ....wtf? There's two kids (who were way too damn big for the ride) being shoved up in front of the munchkin by their fanny pack wearing douche of a dad. Now, I'm usually one for giving people the benefit of the doubt, like, oh maybe he didn't know we were standing in line that type of polite Asian bullshit...but NO. There was no mistaking that we were in line, waiting for the ride. Okay, I told myself, no need to go off all John Bobbitt (aka: half cocked! get it!?! okay sorry..) just try to get eye contact and he'll get the hint. But the bitch avoided my stare like Tom Cruise avoids vagina, so I KNEW HE KNEW he was doing some shady shit. I know some of you are all, it's just a ride right? So what if two kids get ahead of my kid, there's room for everyone...be the bigger person ..blah blah blah, whatever...Because there's one thing when a kid is rude...whatever, kids are rude sometimes, but it's a whole different ballgame when a fanny pack, shorts up too high wearin' "adult" is rude and basically showing their kids its okay to be rude because you know, that girl isn't going to say anything if we cut in front of her. Oh no, she doesn't look like she has a napoleon complex at all.
Plus it was hot and I was riding the crimson wave..so clearly I was not in the mood to don my gay apparel, smile and just let him pass. noooooooo....wrong time of the month my friend.

Since he wouldn't look at me, I looked at the person behind me, (who was also giving him the stink eye for cutting) and began a friendly conversation about the history of LINES, where a LINE originated from, the latin term for the word LINE (getinlineus before Ikickyourassus) and how LINES were invented so that even the most empty of minds could be kept in order and oh! did you know, that back in the days of yore, getting in front of someone in a line was a crime worthy of beheading? Oh yeah, sure sure..saw that on the history channel, those medieval bitches did not play.
Conveniently this conversation could be easily overheard by fanny pack McDouche - who finally go the hint and made some excuse to his kids about being hungry and jeesh let's go get something to eat before we ride this, I'm starving and it looks like the short girl is going to punch me in the face with her really large husband's fist.....and they took off to the funnel cake stand to look for someone they could cut in front of.

Then I took a midol, watched some fireworks and we had a grand ol' time.

Hope you guys had a good, fanny pack and douche free, three day weekend!


Joseph said...

"Back in time" ... BWAAAAHAHAHAHAAA!! That's brilliant. =)

Lizzle said...

The back in time thing was funny... The "it looks like the short girl is going to punch me in the face with her really large husband's fist" was HILARIOUS! I just get the mental image of you manually operating your husband's arm to punch fanny-pack dad in the face!

Or, do you just ride on his back like that Master Blaster guy in that Mad Max Return to Thunderdome movie? (Seen here: http://www.geocities.com/Area51/Corridor/3377/mbt09.jpg )

Caroline said...

There are so many funnies in here I just can't even BEGIN to quote 'em all... but don't worry, I'll be stealing them and posting them without attribution in my blog some day!!!

Ice said...

I told my mother about your FLF, she has a great sense of humour.

I told her what an incredibly funny bizatch you are... she's not into surfing blogs though, I told her I'd copy and paste your write ups and email them to her.

Your shit isn't Copyrighted is it? LOL

How's your summer, sweet stuff?