Tuesday, May 20, 2008

Glitter Balls Like Other Glitter Balls.

I got a "Chippendales newsletter" in my inbox today and Imma like, "WTF?" First of all, I don't recall signing up for the Chippendale's newsletter and second, anyone who's a connoisseur of men's anatomy like myself KNOWS that The Thunder From Down Under trumps Chippendales any ol' time. Why? Because the Chippendale men are CLEARLY playing for the other team. You can grind up on grandma all you want and feign interest in sexy time with her but I know what you really want to do is go back to the locker room and help your fellow Chip get dressed for his performance.
More glitter on your balls Rick? Why certainly!
Thunder From Down Under are from Australia. Even if they are gay, you can't be gay with that accent. I don't think I've ever heard of an Australian accent with that telltale lisp. have you? (I'm stereotyping, I'm sorry. So to make up for it: I'm Asian and no, no I can't drive. Ok, I feel better.) Anyways, Thunder is better at lying about it if they are gay - (plus I've seen those guys do a meet and greet after the show ...and let's just say they would hit on an open wound if it showed interest. Dirty Australians.) and their shows don't appear to be inspired by Broadway show tunes.

Truth be told, they're both pretty cheesy. Girl strip clubs are far more interesting. Not so much because of the strippers themselves, although sometimes I've had looked over at a girl and was like, "Dayam, you can do THAT to a pole? Amazing. Come here and get your dollar girlie." What I find more interesting is comparing the patrons at these sort of places. When women watch male strippers, they really do come for the show and to be stupid with their girlfriends. They can't WAIT to buy a dance for their friend and see the horrified expression on her face when she gets a thong covered wang sloshing around two inches from their face. It's all about the experience with chicks and hardly EVER is it sexual. I feel bad for men, because for most of them, it seems like it is PURELY sexual when they go to a strip club. I'm not knocking that, but most guys at these places seem so intense and serious. They don't look like they're having fun at all! And really, why would they be having fun, they're PAYING to get blue balls. I guess that "intense" look is really pain.

Viking hubby always says that if he wants to look at boobs he can just lift up my shirt for free.
He's such a poet. and a liar, I charge at least .50 cents or a trade off grope.
(as you can see the secret to our almost 10 year marriage is because we are both immature children.)

So, yeah let's see....the point of this post? (haha! Lookit me acting like my posts have "valid" points).

Dear Chippendales, please stop emailing me newsletters unless its to tell me that you'll be having a fag hag convention in my town and the guys will there to share make-up tips with me. Because if that's happening anytime soon, I'm so there. Otherwise, stop it. You're not fooling anyone with your Bonnie Bell lip gloss and your exfoliated, strawberry scented skin.

And yes, yes you can do that to a pole:


Franki said...

that is the funniest clip EVER. i've watched it 12, no 13 times.

Tug said...

LOL @ the clip!

I used to date a stripper named Maurice...and yes, that damned song goes through my head every time I think about him.

Caroline said...

Thanks for the funny! And in return, here's one for you:

Immoral Matriarch said...

LMAO! I emailed that shit to everybody.

Anonymous said...

That's exactly what I would do on a pole (well that type of pole - heh-heh).

Miss-Informed said...

Hahaha! That clip is hilarious!!! I was always judgemental at all the women who would go to male strip clubs...until my mother in law took me to Thunder from Down Under. I got front row seats and I was very skeptical until they came out and did the show. The sane women transformed into horney whore's 5 beats into there "cowboy" performance. Loved the humiliation when they had girls get up and fake orgasms onstage...!
It was fun though and funny. Ladies of every age were absolutely going nuts!