Saturday, November 24, 2007

Give Me A World Where Gravy Floweth Freely.


I hope everyone had a great Thanksgiving because I sure as hell did! I'm still a little backed up from all the food I chowed down but let's not get into that just yet. We had Thanksgiving at our house this year. Usually this would send someone like myself, (a hearty eater yet non-cooker from way back) into a panic and I would be on the phone finding a caterer faster than you can say candied yams. But this type of situation crossed my mind years ago when I was single and measuring up my suitors. (yeah, that's right suitor(S) ..notice the plural because everyone wants the flippin' midge love. high five!)
In the end, of COURSE I chose viking hubby, what with his impressive presentation of a big chest, a big brain, ability to form sentences that morphed into great conversations, a quick wit, a big....um...truck...(hee) and ABILITY TO COOK!!!
The hillbilly's Thanksgiving menu this year included:

Turkey of course!
Oyster stuffing. (my FAVORITE)
Stuffed mushrooms. (everyone else's favorite)
Mashed potatoes (viking mashed from real actual potatoes.)
Gravy (viking made from scratch.)
Homemade chicken noodles (again viking homemade from scratch...including the noodles. )
Cranberry sauce...(okay that one was courtesy of Ocean Spray..viking was tired).

My family brought some sides to add to the festivities including some yummy pies and everyone pretty much wanted to take a nap afterwards. Good times were had by all.

The funny thing about eating during Thanksgiving is that you have mentally given your body permission to gorge out. You could be so stuffed that gravy is actually leaking from your eyeball but yet you power through it and find a way to fit in at least two more pieces of pumpkin pie. Then your brain starts to actually reason with you as to why you probably shouldn't eat everything.

Brain: "okay, okay, I know the deal. It's Thanksgiving and I know we can eat anything and really, that's great, fabulous but seriously, I think we have eaten everything. We need to stop.

Glutton *you*: No, no I don't think I've had any of that yet...

Brain: We honestly can't take much more...I'm not even joking dude. Stop. Your pants are so snug it's drawing blood! Take a break!

Glutton: Whatever! We can still eat! It's Thanksgiving!

Brain: You know you can say that all you want and yet still, we don't have room in here! Your large intestine resembles that of a large zucchini, your small intestine is actually crowding out your spleen, your liver has stopped functioning...and wait.....wait...yep, that last piece of pie you had just broke a rib.

Glutton: oh come onnnnn. It's THANKSGIVING!!!!!!!

So hell yes you have another plate with a glass of gravy because you know that you will never allow your body to eat this much again until next thanksgiving (well okay, we get some pretty good grub on Christmas too but the eating permission is not nearly as lenient as it is on Thanksgiving). And later, when you're sitting on the toilet trying to cajole your body to "process" the month's worth of food that you just ate in an hour and your insides are in a panic because they can't figure out how to deliver your large thanksgiving package through the small garage door that is your ass, you STILL don't regret eating like a pig (even though on some days, you eat a cupcake and promise to do an hour extra at the gym. ) It is Thanksgiving after all and it wouldn't be complete without spending some quality time warming up the toilet seat and catching up on your magazine reading.
Thanksgiving is great that way .

So I give thanks to my friends, my family, and all the great things that have happened this year but most of all, I give thanks to Thanksgiving for giving me a day where eating my weight in food is not only okay but expected.

And no, the Brad Pitt picture has nothing to do with this post. I'm just a pervert.

Now if you'll excuse me, I've got a few more plates of stuffing to um..process.

5 comments:

Karen said...

Oh yeah baby! I had apple crumble pie breaking my ribs and I'm STILL processing, but it was SO worth it. I love Thanksgiving.*burp*

SHADOW said...

You know the deal bebe!!

Jeez, this post had me laughing out loud. And with that it is time to pass out.

GOODNIGHT!! LOL!

jalishouse.wordpress.com said...

First - I thank you for Brad.

Great post, momma! I was laughing out loud at work - they were looking at me - but I'm used to that.

IDigHootchAndCootch said...

off topic but I really dig the Madonna slide show. Personally, I think she's never looked better than in her "like a virgin" days. Someone needs to bring that look back.

Tug said...

GRAVY. I wondered what the hell was with the eye leakage. Thanks!