Dear Pamela Anderson:
I just want to take a break out of my very busy non-fan letter Friday writing to let you know why you're so amazing:
1. I didn't think it was possible for a person to have Hep C, Gonorreah, Herpes and Tommy Lee/Kid Rock residual smegma and survive ..you little cockroach you.....
2. Tall shorts, barbed wire arm tattoo and fingerprint bruises on your shoulder.
Never will I ever reach that level of classiness.
3. If your picture were a scratch and sniff it would smell like low tide. Sure the smell is not pleasant but that's a distinct smell that makes you sit up and take notice…and that my dear is what you are.
4. Because you're thrifty. Why buy a bra AND a Nicorette patch when you can just use a Nicorette patch as a bra? HELLO! (see top picture..or click to make it larger...at your own risk of course..)
5. You are a walking, talking reason on why double condomed sex might not be such a bad idea.
6. You're an optimist. While most of the female population (with brains that do not reside in their cup size) would leave Kid Rock and Tommy Lee at the bar stewing in their own vomit and 3 day sweat, YOU picked them up, shook them out, had sex with them and made them your very own. And at one point documented your Mother Teresa ways for all the world to see (at $39.95 a pop).
What CAN'T you do Pamela??
Really, I could just coo about you all day long but it would be embarrassing for both of us.
Congratulations on husband number 3, sex partner number 12094! If at first you don't succeed try and try again! Quitting is SO not in your vocabulary! (that's just ANOTHER word for you to try and remember anyways and who needs that noise?). If he can survive dippin' the peen in Paris Hilton's STD cocktail then surely this marriage was meant to be! Gotta love a guy with a good immune system!
Mazel Tov!
Your admirer,
Me.
7 comments:
ANY relationship that starts out with 'making out to pay off a poker debt' will most definitely see the golden anniversary, won't it?
For some strange reason I like Pamela Anderson as an actress - she seems funny and genuinely charming. I wouldn't let her use my toilet bowl though.
Pamela Anderson - Super Sleazy Smegma Survivor!
She really is the human equivalent of a cockroach!
When the bomb goes off... Pammy and her marriage to this winner will still be alive and kickin'...
Well, maybe just Pammy, and not her marriage...
She used to look really sweet in the beginning. You know, before the 10 kilos of silicone and rubber lips.
Yeah well....
Anything I might add to the conversation will just make me look all perverted and stuff.
Even though I am I will still refrain :)
I don't get everyone's fascination with her. I've seen her without makeup and, believe me, it's not pretty!
Surely I am have to be the only person to be amazed that Pammy has made it this long. Between the scummy men (and lord knows what she caught from them) and all the silicone, I thought she would be gone well before now.
Wow.
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