Thursday, September 13, 2007

Muff Daddy...at least that's what my girlfriend likes to call me.



* I so haven't been in a blogging mood as of late. Especially this weekend because I'm off to my annual Palm Springs getaway with Brandie and I'm so excited. B and I do it every year. We book a hotel room at the same hotel, put on their complimentary robes as soon as we walk in the door, turn on the A/C and ....SLEEP. We might hop out to the pool once or twice or go get something to eat, but most of time we're pretty much gone. Now if we can just get the hotel to throw in a couple of complimentary bedpans for us, it would be paradise.
I'll catch a few hours of sleep for you guys too. Because I'm always giving people. Always giving.

* My friend Debi (who is in love for the first time...awww/vomit...) was telling me how much her boyfriend annoys her but at the same time she just loves him to pieces and she never knew you could feel those two feelings at the same time with the same frequency. I was telling her that as much as we want to romanticize marriage the fact of the matter is, if two people live together long enough, you're going to get annoyed with each other. It's unavoidable. If you're looking at your fiance/boyfriend lovingly right now and thinking, "Oh no..I could never be annoyed by him/her! They're the best. Swoon." Trust me, they'll be scratching their back with your spatula by year one of your marriage - or leaving their vampire teabag (tampon) floating in the toilet. So the trick is to find the person whose annoyances you would put up with more than anyone. Makes sense? For example, if any other guy left their face fuzz to crust over on the sink after they shaved and woke me up in the morning with a trumpet solo coming out of their ass, let's just say I would wipe vampire teabag on every piece of his clothing before I sent him packing. However, for some ungodly reason, when the viking hubby does these things, I barely even blink. Plus he's cute so that helps out a lot.

* I think it's sweet that Jenna Jameson regurgitates old penises to feed to her boyfriend Baby Huey:


* Its stories like this compared to stories like this that make me think that maybe WE'RE really the animals. Especially when I go on road trips and hit the Midwestern states. I still get weird stares from people like I should still be doing their laundry or something. I try to bring viking hubby along at times like that, then they just think I'm a mail order bride which is better for me because I hate doing laundry.

huh?
what?
Nothing.

* Mariah Carey unveiled the new Jury Duty stamp in New York. Why Mariah? I don't know. Next week she'll be at your local Costco passing out microwaveable pigs in a blanket.....in a leather pantsuit.

* Speaking of why..why a stamp dedicated to Jury Duty? Shouldn't the stamp show someone trying to GET OUT of Jury Duty? Because they know no one goes to that shit without a fight...
well maybe old people with nothing better to do. They should have painted a picture of an old person shouting out "GUILTY!" from one of those old person scooters..with a little dribble coming out of their mouth and maybe a colonoscopy bag peeking out from behind the scooter to give it some realism. ..OH! oh! oh! and a Filipino caretaker in the back wiping the aforementioned dribble from their mouth.
I'd totally buy THAT stamp.

*and by and by, where can one acquire an old person scooter? Walking is entirely overrated, plus I want to put a pirate flag on my scooter. That would be bad ass.

* Do you see WHY I need a weekend getaway?


*Have I mentioned that I love Japanese people??? If you don't fall in love with them after checking out Engrish.com, then truly you are dead inside.

Have a great weekend everyone!

8 comments:

Tug said...

Be relieved - in the cup? And the picture of Jenna - ewwwww.

Have a great weekend, & slip in some sleep for me, k?

IDigHootchAndCootch said...

that pic of Tito makes me think that he's never kissed a woman before

Webmiztris said...

"if any other guy left their face fuzz to crust over on the sink after they shaved and woke me up in the morning with a trumpet solo coming out of their ass"

seriously, your honey must be my husband's twin. Jason does that same exact shit. and it's always right after you clean the sink; isn't it? I could KEEEEEELLLL him!

Miss-Informed said...

Jenna is so gross. She has morfed into such a mess! And the mess is smack dab in her face.
As far as the weekend you are facing, LUCKY! Uninterrupted sleep sounds so seductive...
Ahhh to dream.
Lucky lady.
Have fun!

Kristi said...

If you haven't seen the youtube mashup of Tyra and Britney, you must run to my blog RIGHT NOW.

That's all. :)

meeyauw said...

I have these stupid cats and last night babysat daughter's crazy beagles so let me know what sleep is like. They fight over who is going to sleep where in my bed, then the winner gets to kiss me with tongues encrusted with mouse guts. Not the dog tongues. Those are just huge and wet and gross.

Do you realize that I actually bought a king sized bed 5 years ago ecause there was not room enough for me and cats and dogs? How crazy is that.

Oh, I've tagged you and you can read it here. I hope you come when you are back. Have a good trip!

SHADOW said...

Where can I find me some Captain Condom?

Madonna said...

Everytime I see her, Jenna finds a way to look even nastier and nastier.

Mariah Carey is still relevant? And introducing a Jury Duty stamp makes a lot of sense... I mean, they got Bob Barker to introduce those spay and neuter stamps (perfectly fitting). But Mariah Scarey for Jury Duty? What, was Britney Spears too drunk to show?

Speaking of Britney... I see you found her coffee mug. "Washed up", just like her!

Wait, that isn't right.. To be washed up, you would've had to have been something in the first place. Nevermind.