Friday, August 10, 2007

Its Dead I Tell Ya....Dead.

FLF is going to probably be a spur of the moment type of thing now since all the crazed celebs took mommy midget's advice and went to rehab/jail or are so incredibly crazy that its not even crazy anymore. (Her name rhymes with Shitney Steers). Although, one crazy who's still in denial and won't answer my phone calls is Paula Abdul. True she's not the classic, slurring tater tot eatin' hillbilly like Anna Nicole was. At least Annie was SOO out of it, she didn't have time to be a bitch. She was too occupied chasing her dog Sugar Pie underneath tables and laughing at herself. In other words, Annie is like a happy drunk whereas Paula Abdul is the mean drunk you never want to take to the bar because they end up fighting with the pool table after a couple of beers. True, Paula Abdul is a tad bit more functional than Anna but somehow this makes her crazy tirades even more of a spectacle. Because you start to THINK she's normal and then wham, she does this shiz:

Um. wait. Did she just say, "Where is God when you need him?"
Hold on Paula, let me ring up God, I think he might be in Darfur. God's cell phone isn't getting any signals over there but I guarantee you that once God hears about you getting fired from the Bratz movie, he'll drop everything and come running.
Genocide and mass killings will just HAVE TO wait.
I really can't even watch "Hey Paula"..I'm so embarrassed because I used to think Paula Abdul was the coolest in the sixth grade. I can't tell you how many midgets like myself rejoiced that a fellow midget like Paula Abdul became such a success. (I can't hear "Forever Your Girl" and not be reminded of sixth grade or my sixth grade boyfriend Ray. He looked like Fred Savage. I was his Filipina Winnie Cooper. hollah.).
Paula seemed like a down to earth chick back in the day. Damn Paula. Didn't we almost have it all? When love was all we had worth giving!?!?
I think the midgets and I need to have a meeting and throw her out of the Lollipop Guild ...cut up her union card and everything.
Remember when crazy only applied to Tom Cruise...?? and it was only because he jumped on the couch and told Brooke Shields to walk it off and take some vitamins??? It wasn't because he had called out to God (Xenu) in disgust because he didn't get an Oscar or feed Suri Pop Tarts and soda. (um. rhymes with Shitney Steers.)

I love you Tom.....The ride with you was worth the fall my friend
Loving you makes life worth living,
Didn't we almost have it all
The night we held on till the morning,
You know you'll never love that way again
Didn't we almost have it all...
(sniff...excuse me. I have to go choke out Katie Holmes for stealing one of my gays).


J. said...

Paula is batshit crazy. No bones about it.
Somebody around her really should step up and help. It's kind of sad, no?
Still can't help but laugh sometimes. But more and more, I'm not laughing, just shaking my head.
What a trainwreck.

karen said...

I actually watched Paula's show a couple of times, but she was such a wacko and her show such a trainwreck that it hurt to watch her. She's been working for years and years and years, and she doesn't have a lover, a close friend, a trusted assistant who can say...just shut the fuck up and go to bed! or It's just a fucking Bratz movie, a movie about a doll set so obnoxious they are named after a group of children universally hated, get over it and have a decent meal and go to bed!. Really pathetic. You'd think a bunch of aspiring actors would watch this dog and decide to go into some useful occupation.

As to Tom Cruise. He is a shithead of the first order. His religious beliefs are so stupid only the hollywood morons could fall for them, and he impregnated a very young girl, brought her into this moronic religion, and THEN he married her. What an asshole. I haven't watched a single movie he's made since then. This is what happens when someone thinks they can do anything without any consequences. Eventually the audience that makes him worth so much at the box office will decide he's too big an asshole to put up with, and someone else will become The Big Draw. That is the best thing about hollywood, the assholes drop to the sludge at the bottom on a regular basis. I just detest this moron. DETEST HIM.

Kristi said...

Poor Paula. She seems like a nice lady even if she is talentless and crazytrain.

SHADOW said...

1st person to wish you happy birthday on your blog! Woot Woot!



Webmiztris said...

I can't believe she has the nerve to deny doing ANY drugs or alcohol when it's SO OBVIOUS that she does. If I saw a tape of myself like that, I'd be saying I was ripped even if I wasn't, just because it would at least be an excuse for my behavior. and she's a bitch to boot! I just don't like that woman.

Madonna said...

Paula has turned into a nasty mix of crazy, arrogant and drunk. You're right. She's a scary drunk.

I prefer drunk Madonnas myself.