Friday, July 13, 2007

Bleep Glurgle Oogle, that's Xenu-ese If You Nasty.

I'm sorry guys but I'm so over Fan Letter Friday. It used to be so tasty but now its getting kind of stale and has a chalky aftertaste. BUT, I have an idea that's brewing in my lil' noggin' that might be a tad bit funnier than FLF. Its still in the works, but I gotta do something that'll make making fun of celebrities enjoyable again.

I miss Tom and his couch jumping, cradle snatching, crazy eyeball antics.

Bleep glurgl oogle, Tom.
Bleep glurle oogle, Tom.
(its Xenu-ese folks. You wouldn't understand.)

So random things to kill a Friday afternoon...

* I had a near miss with a cup of coffee the other day. I had it on top of my car roof while I was putting the lil' one inside her car seat. After I got her situated, I took a swig of my coffee and for some reason, something told me to spit it back out into the cup. I sat there with the coffee in my mouth for a second, wondering why I felt such a need to spit it out. My gut and I are friends, so I trusted my gut and spit it out. I looked in the cup.

well, nothing but a cup of coffee backwash anyways.

So I poured it out and whaddaya know......a teeny tiny dead cockroach was in the cup!
I could have easily swallowed that sucker because it was no bigger than a tic tac. (CRINGE)
HOW did it get into my coffee and what was it doing on top of my car in the middle of the grocery parking lot? Ya got me. But a big high five to my gut. It might be a little squishy right now but it knows my hatred for all things that scuttle and crunch when you step on them..and it knew I wouldn't be pleased having one as a snack.
I seriously think I brushed my tongue completely clean of tastebuds after that mess.

* I always want to NOT watch reality shows. Really I do. They're like the trans fat of television. But I swear I get sucked into one reality show after another. One that I actually scheduled to Tivo??? "Scott Baio is 45 and Single." Why? Because I'm fascinated that he's banged as many hot chicks as he has. Am I the only one on the planet that never thought he was hot? I would have so banged Ralph Malph way before Chachi. And now he's 45, never been married, and the root of all STDS.
okay, I made the last one up, but you know he's had his fair share of hot green pee and scrotum scratchies.

* Speaking of reality shows, I've been watching America's Next Top Model reruns on MTV because...well, I'm kind of going through ANTM withdrawals. Right now, they're showing my favorite, cycle 4, the one Naima was in.
(I forgot how much I also loved Britney in that cycle, if Naima wasn't going to take it, she was the one that I was rooting for next. Check out her special announcement at the end of this post.) Anywhoo, viking hubby asked me if any of the winners actually became models and modeled for more than their "ANTM prizes". It was a innocent question but I got queerly defensive:
"Well of COURSE they do! The title of the show is America's Next Top Model, and that's what they become, Top Models. I mean, I've seen a few of them in some magazines and commercials, (I haven't) and I'm sure most of them are all the rage in Europe or Asia somewhere (I don't have the foggiest clue if that statement is true..). So that's just crazy. That question. Crazy.
Sheesh, I mean, why...why would you even ask such an inane question?
One of them was even on the Tyra show the other day. So there. Silly man."
Tyra's got me completely snowballed.

* I want to get a job as a sign holder so I can get paid to listen/watch my Ipod all day.
Yeah. That's how addicted I am to that stupid thing.

* If my life had a soundtrack, this would be the playlist:

Birth: I'm Coming Out by Diana Ross

Childhood: Dancing Queen by Abba, ANY Carpenters song and ANY Elvis songs.

Pre-teen: Venus by Bananarama,
Hazy Shade Of Winter by Bangles, and last but not least,
Lost In Emotion by Lisa Lisa And The Cult Jam

High School: Whoomp! There it is!By Tag Team (this was NON stop on the radio in high school)
Weak By SWV. (that was me and my bfs song..awwwwwwww! BARF.)
Vogue by WHO ELSE??,

College: C'Mon N Ride It by Quad City DJs, (my roommate felt the need to blast this song on the radio on our way to Tijuana), Ray Of Light by Madonna

...I actually tried to limit the songs by Madonna and Elvis, because their songs are just kind of peppered throughout each significant phase. But yeah, so far that's it. I'm still gathering up significant songs to mark my "post college/mom/being an adult" phase. I don't really know what song is going to "take me back" to this point in my life but I'm pretty sure that Fruit Salad by The Wiggles will be one of them.

* Guess who got engaged? Let's ask Britney, a previous contestant from America's Next Top Model:

I don't know why I think that's so hilarious but it is. So laugh!

Anyways, have a great weekend everyone!!! Next Friday..sumtin' special. I swear!


Amber said...

What the hell. Was that video for real! Awesome!

J. said...

Okay, that WAS funny.
LMAO ...

A cockroach in my coffee would seriously freak me right out. UGH.

And WTF? Scott Baio has a reality show? Too funny.
I wrote my very first fan letter ever to him when I was 9. Seriously wanted to marry Chachi.

Miss-Informed said...

Hahahahaha! I loved when she demonstrated the ring sliding on the finger. Too funny!
Sad to see FLF go...
Sniff, sniff.

Look forward to what that brain of yours will produce next!

Also, could totally relate to every one of your songs! I LOVED fav!

Freak Magnet said...

it makes you wonder how much stuff we drink/eat that we DON'T know about.

I probably would have brushed my gums off.

Webmiztris said...

"Am I the only one on the planet that never thought he was hot?'

FINALLY someone who agrees that Scott Baio was NEVER HOT! i never understood what the big deal about him was! he's average at best!

Kristi said...

"Iiiiiii get so weakintheknees I canhardlyspeak I loseallcontrol..."

I luh-huh-huh-ve that song. Still. We would've been bff if we'd known each other in high school.


Madonna said...

I was going to tease you about limiting the Madge in the soundtrack of your life, but I have no room to talk. I can fill out mine with my fair share of non-Madonna songs myself... After all, Madonna did not write nor sing "Still Crazy After All These Years" :P