Friday, June 29, 2007

Polka-hontas Needs To Stop

No Fan Letter this Friday! Surprised? You shouldn't be, since there hasn't been anything but the "P" word in celebrity news. Because you know doing all that "hard time" has basically turned her into Jesus right? With like a dash of Ghandi...except her tattered robes would totally be made by Prada of course.

Anyways, I'm knee deep in polka training right now and I must apologize for exposing you to my first clumsy steps back into the cruel and harsh world of polka. But ladies and gents, I impressed myself! After taping the first installment of Pathetic Polka Practice, I practiced for another half hour and lo and behold I did it...WITHOUT looking at the music!
So please, partake in the second coming of Amadeus!!!
...except um...I'm playing the accordion...and I don't really write music like he did...and I don't own any fancy wigs with fleas in them...and I'm not a dude...well not in this life anyways, I'm pretty sure I was a gay man in my previous life ...

but I digress...

Okay, so just partake in the musical stylings of Polkadonna:

I can see you're all in awe.
Polka Prodigy?

The goal is to eventually zip through the refresher course by the end of July, then learn all the Madonna songs I can after that and then eventually play as her opening act when she tours again. By that time, I'm sure P-Diddy, Jay-Z, Kanye, Timbaland, etc. will be knocking down my door to do a collaboration of some type dontcha think?

I promise to thank all the little people when I accomplish my goal because shiiiiiittt..I AM a little people!

Have a great weekend everyone!!
Try not to bombard my email with requests for my rock n roll polka cd okay?


Miss-Informed said...

And a one-ah, and a two-ah, and a three-ah!

Doing good girl! You are on your way to Polka stardom I am sure.

Can't wait to hear your version of True Blue:)

Webmiztris said...

you are totally rockin that accordian! I request Sexy Back! ;)

karaoke queen said...

I am speechless. You go accordion midget!!! I can see it now. You can have some hot ass shirtless backup dancers. Maybe your favourite shirtless guy (Matt) will be so overwhelmed with your skills that he will volunteer. One can hope!!!!

Madonna said...

If I'm elected president, I will pass a law making it a capital crime to use the word "Paris" within seven words or less of the word "Hilton".

Hell, you know CBS had to give us the latest update on that waste of oxygen on the 11 am news on June 6 BEFORE going over to Television City to cover Bob Barker's final taping? Who the hell has done more for CBS - Bob, or She Who Shall Not Be Named?

I don't know if Madge is really concerned about trying to improve her sales here in the US or not with the new album (as people have been claiming). If so, my advice to her is to not even bother releasing the album if that is the case. Who is going to know she has a new album when all the media can talk about is You Know Who?

I'm so glad I have no use for my television anymore.

Anyway, speaking of that people cover, I'm sure glad the Rosie Replacing Bob crap has been nixed. Whew.

Rock on, Elaine. And if you open for Madge, I WANT BACKSTAGE PASSES!