Monday, June 26, 2006

Ebay Is The Devil


I recently had to sell the accordion I currently own because..well.. it was as big as me and the keyboard kept hitting me in the shins. (Lets take a moment to picture THAT shall we? ..gigantic accordion with little feet and hands protruding out of it....that was me.) It did NOT make for happy rock and polka playin'. I wanted to get a smaller, more rockin' accordion, so I went to the devil and put in my request. My request was granted but apparently the whole WORLD wants accordions because I have been outbid by 10 people on 10 different accordions!!! I mean what the hell?? And apparently accordions are made of fairy snot and unicorn ass hair, because buying a brand new accordion is about as much as buying a small village in Africa. (I was outbid on that African village too..) At this point, I'm tempted to pick up some bagpipes.

Its disturbing how I'm slowly becoming a hardcore Ebay addict. I was an Ebay whore before but what started with recreational Ebay whoring, has now advanced to complete Ebay crack whore, which is a whole lot uglier and harder to manage (lots more twitching and picking at my face while I'm bidding.. ugly I tell ya...). I'm at the mercy of useless items such as an Elvis Toilet seat cover, which I bid on because.. HELL-O, Ebay crack whore on the line.. aren't you paying attention!?, even though I found it kind of odd to have his face emblazoned on something he died on...but as usual I was outbid! So I didn't get my fix on that day. (Mental note: Accordions and Elvis Toilet seat covers = hot commodity).

In the midst of my Madonna withdrawals, Ebay was my methadone. It was expensive, but it helped ease the side effects of three, highly potent concerts. I turn to Ebay for comfort and it embraces me with the promise of a diamond encrusted tampon holder, or whatever it is my heart desires. Deep down inside; however, I know it can't be good for me. Especially when my bank statement starts to read like this:

"Paypal payment for custom made Madonna Beer Hat"
"Paypal payment for glow in the dark Elvis mug/flashlight"
"Paypal payment for Like a Virgin musical toilet paper roll holder."


What started out as a fun, recreational thing to do has become a beast I can't handle. Now I must go. There's 5 minutes left to bid on a kleenex that Madonna wiped her ass with. I just can't let that pass.

Just this one time, then I'll stop.
I swear.

Help.

P.S. I DID sell my entire collection of New Kids On The Block posters and magazines from 8th grade for 30 bucks!!! sucker. Some of those idiots on Ebay will buy ANYTHING......

14 comments:

Leilouta said...

OMG!!!Nooooooooooo!!!!$30???!!!..I would've bought your entire collection of New Kids On The Block posters and magazines for much more than that.

Dark Damian said...

Dear lord, you hit upon an addiction I can get with. I, too, am a eBay whore.

I knew I was bad when I bought a P50 snubnose semi-automatic machine gun (airsoft, meaning it shoot soft plastic pellets instead of hard, metal bullets) for the sole reason that I saw them used on freakin' StarGate SG-1. I've shot that gun exactly twice in 8 months. So...I guess I'll sell it on eBay.

Did I tell you that ALL of my musical equipment that I use for my band came from the great god eBay?

Yeah. Addict.

Some Random Girl said...

hence the accordian and elvis toilet seat. LOL

Laurie said...

Hi. My name is Laurie. I'm an Ebay whore.

I've bought:

-tinkerbell belly button ring
-a pillow in the shape of a crown
-Dooney & Burke wallet
-vintage Tupperware pitcher
-vintage Tupperware S&P shakers
-breast cancer awareness bracelet
-a charm

I need a spankin'.

IDigHootchAndCootch said...

what was that guy's name from New Kids on The Block who sang "Step 1 - we can have lots of fun" in the song step by step? I ask because I think I saw him working at the neighbourhood burger king.

Elaine said...

Leilouta: have no fear. It wasn't my ENTIRE collection...only the collection from 8th grade. I still have a lot more stuff in the garage from 7th grade. I'll let you know what I find! ;D

dd: aaaah, welcome home my friend. Welcome home.

somerandomgirl: exactly girl. I was kind of ribbin' myself at the end there. he he.

laurie: at LEAST some of the stuff you bought are useful or semi-normal. I just buy complete and utter crap with Madonna or Elvis' face plastered on it. It could be a bed pan with a Madonna sticker at the bottom and I would buy it. But again, it looks like I'm in good company with this ebay thing.

idighootch: that was Danny. The new kid with a body like DAMN, but a face like... WHOA...
FYI: kinda scary you knew a line from that song hootch, I gotta tell ya..I'm a little bit scurred.

E.I. said...

I bought one poster of new kids on the block

....

Just kidding

djmetronome said...

I avoid ebay just for that reason...I'll end up owning even more useless crap...

Kim said...

I too am an Ebay whore. But I have a policy that I try to sell something on Ebay for every one thing I buy. And yes, people will buy ANYTHING!

Yeah, WTH about being outbid on 10 different accordians? Who would've thought?!

Miss-Informed said...

We all have our addictions. Fun little things to obsess over! Oh the pretty rabbits...I want to feed them and love them and call them my own...

karaoke queen said...

Hmmmm, maybe I can try and sell my (my husbands) collection (pile in closet) of computer stuff (crap) that we don't use anymore (has been sitting in their for months collecting dust and GOD KNOWS what else!) How much do you think I'll get?

J. said...

Isn't it weird? The stuff I put up that I think will sell IMMEDIATELY never does, while the crap goes right away and induces a bidding frenzy.
People are strange.
(and that's not to say I'm now gonna go look for some kleenex or TP I can pass off as Madonna's ... nope ... no way)

Leilouta said...

I am serious...plz let me know when you do find them. I was crazy about them.

Madonna said...

While I don't think I'd go quite as far as to buy a beer hat or a TP roll holder :P, I've certainly spent my share of money on eBay.

Without eBay, I wouldn't have my wonderful shirt collection, my poster collection, or my footwear collection. And, after all, those are on the short list of material things I enjoy (which, of course, aren't quite the same as Material Girls).

Hopefully you've overcome the withdrawals. I still quite havent't myself...

That being said, I'll certainly pass on the Kleenex.