Brown And Bubbly?

Did anyone else notice this campaign for either Coke or Pepsi (one of those two soda monopolies) ? It was "Brown and Bubbly." That was their "genius" advertising slogan to pitch to the American public during the Superbowl. Really? What drunk advertising executive came up with this slogan? It sure as hell doesn't make me think of soda. When I think of "Brown And Bubbly," I'm thinking of....

* The shit squirts. The kind that happens when you eat prunes and down a pitcher of Metamucil. Powerful, gut wrenching squirts, enough to lift a 300 pound man off the toilet seat and cause some spillage.

*Raven Samone. Because hey, let's face it, that girl is as bubbly as they come!

* Eating brownies, taking five shots of tequila and seeing what "brown and bubbly" concoction I can yak into the toilet bowl a half hour later.

* The dirt, puke, piss, alchohol MUD slush that accumulates on any given dance floor in Tijuana, Mexico. (not that I've ever BEEN, but I've heard stories......)

OH HELL who am I kidding!? Brown and bubbly reminds me of POOP.
Wet, watery, unapologetic poop.
It's hard for me to wrap my mind around the fact that someone got paid for basically describing diarrhea. Can I do that too? How about "yellow and warm"? Is there a product that could use that slogan? "Thick and bitter?" "Dry and crusty?" "Sour and creamy?" (That's a good one for yogurt!) I've missed my calling apparently. I could totally be an ad exec! I'm just shooting those babies right out of my ass as fast as I can type it!

Speaking of poop.. you know what makes me uncomfortable right down to the hair of my chinny chin chin? (it's okay, I don't have chin hair.. I wax.) Singers who sound as if they've been constipated for five years. Bruce Springsteen, Michael Bolton, Bryan Adams.. those types. Whenever they sing, you can see that vein in their forehead from outerspace. I think this type of "straining" should be reserved for heavy metal, punk or any "angry" type of music, because it fits the song perfectly. However, a love song and pinching a loaf should never resemble one another. I can't imagine being a girlfriend/wife to one these guys. Because YOU KNOW they've serenaded them at least once. I would be so incredibly uncomfortable if it were me. Because first, I hate being serenaded to. What's the proper etiquette for the "serenadee?" Sit there and smile? Can I sing along? Hum? What if you have to go to the bathroom in the middle of the song? Can I check my email? Is it okay to read a book during the song? Can I make requests? Do I have to applaud at the end? I don't know! It's too awkward to have someone serenade you, let alone look like they're going to go dookie on your shoe while doing it. Serenading is only cool if you do it ala John Cusak with a boombox over your head, playing your love song of choice.

Did I just blog about poop?

Okay, I'm off to have a tall glass of brown and bubbly now! I bid you a DOO DOO.

(...damn..knowing when to stop was never one of my strong traits... )