Friday, January 27, 2006

Dry Heaves.....(random stuff)

Please excuse my previous rant about Brandon Routh not being fit to play Superman. After seeing this picture of Mr. Routh:
It reminded me a whole lot of my first love:


So I take it back, I'm on board with the new Superman.....for now.

On a previous post I mentioned Fergie's wierd stomach, but after seeing Tara Reid's science experiment stomach, (picture IS NOT for the faint of heart..)
Fergie's abs looks absolutely fabulous compared to THAT. ugh. I had to go wash my eyes out with Clorox after seeing that picture!

Speaking of things that are a total mess, I have never in my life looked at a person and thought, "You know, they probably smell like fish chum." UNTIL I saw Flavor Flav. I think if I walked past him, I would immediately have a need to take a hot shower and scrub myself with gravel until I turn a nice shade of pink.

I remembered yet ANOTHER celebrity I met and I can't BELIEVE I forgot her, because I absolutely LOVE this person. I met Jenny McCarthy in college. I went to her book signing of "Jen-X," and I remember that she was absolutely thrilled to see me in line since I was the only girl there. (One half of the line were horny pre-pubescent boys that didn't read the book and just looked at the pictures and the other bunch were horny old men who didn't read the book and just looked at the pictures.). When I was within view, she screamed, "A girl! Hello down there! Woman POWER!!" She actually got up and hugged me when I got up to her then, instead of just signing my book, she put: "From one playboy playmate to another, love Jenny." She was forever on my cool list after that.
Her other books, "Belly Laughs," and "Baby Laughs," are a must read for moms. She's hilarious and gorgeous, I just love Jenny!

Can we STOP with all this talk about how Jennifer Aniston is "coping" after finding out that her EX-husband is having a baby with Jolie? "
Oh my god, look how BRAVE she is, putting on a smile for the cameras! What COURAGE!" Yeah, poor Ms. Aniston, I'm sure she's coping as she decides which multi-million dollar house she should be depressed in and which $3,000 dollar bag she should buy to hide all her snotty Kleenex tissues. Yeah, she's so brave. I mean, how can she possibly get on a plane and go on vacation with Vince Vaughn at the Poconos with all this "turmoil" going on in her life? That woman is just a PILLAR of strength!
Hollywood is so twisted.
Want to see REAL courage and REAL strength? Read my friend Kim's blog about her dad. That, my friends, is honest to goodness courage and strength, no tabloids needed.

.. and even more evidence that Hollywood is twisted, I'm still boggled that Woody Allen is allowed to work in Hollywood let alone show his scrawny little face in public. Reminder: HE MARRIED HIS DAUGHTER. ew ew ew, double Alabama ew. Oh yeah, they're NOT blood related, but doesn't adopting usually mean that you're going to be a PARENT? Not grooming your next bride to be! You KNOW if a woman did something similiar in Hollywood she would be blacklisted, blackballed and never allowed to work in Hollywood again.

Paris attended a deposition in regards to being sued by Zeta Graff, an ex of her former fiance' Paris Latsis. During her deposition, she further revealed why she really is nothing but a warm hole for for rich, Greek heirs to stick it into. Here are some of her *GEMS:

On Greek names: Hilton says on pal has "a wierd Greek name. Like Douglas."
On Geography: When asked about reading the U.K. press, Hilton replied.."No.. there was stuff in London." Reminded that London WAS IN the U.K., Hilton replied, "Right. U.K. Whatever."
Her rep tells US Magazine that what people should focus on is that Paris told the truth.

No, what people should focus on is the back of her head.. .as they swing a bat to it.

You know how there supposedly some people that have 'star quality' right off the bat and that's why they became so famous? Well I think I have the art of knowing who DOESN'T have 'star quality.' For example, Jenna Elfman. I can't explain why this woman is so repelling to me, but judging from her last few failed TV sitcoms, I'm not the only one feeling this. She has another show coming out called "Courting Alex." I'm too repelled to watch. Another star repellent is Amanda Peet. Everything she's been in sucks.. when she's the main character. She should accept her calling in life ("supporting cast") and run with it. A Reese Witherspoon you shall never be.

Speaking of Reese. I love this woman for being so talented, pretty and yet, somehow, she's managed to avoid the "Hollywood Crack" diet. I actually CAN'T see her collarbone and from behind, she has a real life butt and not just a spinal cord protruding through her back.
How absolutely refreshing!

FINALLY.....

Two new websites I'm currently addicted to that rate high on the "laugh snort" meter is:

Engrish.com, which has pictures on how Japan and other Asian countries misuse the English language. For example:
















And The Gallery of the Absurd, which had amazing artwork of celebrities such as this:

Is this genius or what????

7 comments:

Alyson said...

Tara Reid's stomach looks like Sigourney Weaver's did, just before the alien protruded through it!

I heart Flavor FLAAAAAV. And Jenny McCarthy, AND Reece Witherspoon. She's from Nashville! THAT'S why she's so un-Hollywood! Mike works with her uncle. I am currently trying to find her childhood home. If I call you from jail, will you take my call? :)

Kim said...

And Paris has so many friends that she "forgets their names." Seriously.

Julie Jewels said...

Elaine, I read your blog from time to time (I'm a friend of Shannon's) and every single time you crack me up! So I figured I'd stop and let you know!!

Elaine said...

oh yay, I love people who de-lurk themselves on my blog. thanks Julie! Glad I could give you a giggle! :D

Riss said...

Hey woman, one of your scripts freezes my computer every time I try to come on here.

Anyhoo, yes yes yes to all of the above except I do actually feel bad for Jennifer Aniston. If you have any type of pride at all, no one likes to lose their husband to someone younger and hotter in front of the whole world, then have to console themselves with Vince Vaughn. Of course, my sympathy is stemming only from the fact that I think Brad Pitt is a fucking tool. I'll never understand why women like him so much.

Elaine said...

Riss: For real? (with the freezing up...) I wonder what that is?

Yeah, I do feel bad for Jennifer Aniston, especially with the horrible rebound. but you know, she should have been ON THE SET at ALL TIMES during Mr. and Mrs. Smith. It worked for Melanie Griffith with Antonio Banderas! I mean, it sucks being "the police" but look who's still married.

You (gasP) don't... like.. Brad...?!?!
he's my favorite TOOL! :P

Shannon Bieger said...

Yeah I don't get the Brad Pitt thing either. He talks like his lower lip is numb or something.

ROFL at that Nicole Richie cartoon!