Thursday, January 20, 2011

The Mario Lopez Factor. In other words, men who make my lady hard-ons go away.

I 'liked' this fan page on Facebook called MaleModel.us because us vagina havin' folks rarely get the pleasures of eye candy every which way we look like our penis swingin' counterparts. So I said, what the hey, I could use a hot bod on my newsfeed a couple times a day, so I like-ted that shit ey!! (<--------- I just had carne asada fries and it brought out my hidden Chola.)

And so far the posts have been most entertaining but not in the way I expected it to be. Don't get me wrong, there's a buffet of abs, shoulders, and biceps with each and every posting but presented in such a way that's about as hot as hemorrhoids and as laughable as Ryan Seacrest's attempt to be straight.

Here's a few examples of the clitoral killers:

"I had the urgent poops so bad that I didn't know what to take off! Let's just say I need new jeans."

This guy totally regrets getting bukkaked by Oswald.


"Oh em gee, this article is so interesting I totally don't notice this coffee cup giving my mushroom cap third degree burns."

"Um hello Sharpie brows, what part of "I Like Wiggly Peens" do you not understand??"

Underneath those shabby robes, Nosferatu was a pretty fit specimen.

"Jeesh this water is cold, oh never mind, it's warm right he...wait a minute..." OR "That better be a trout rubbing up against my leg"

You know I'm pretty sure there's easier ways of popping a zit
.
"What? My sister said this sweater was unisex. Plus, it matches my thong."

"Our underwear says, hello! We're ready for springtime! It also says we don't like your vagina."

These kind of guys totally confuse me. I call it the "Mario Lopez Factor," as in, on paper, they seem to have everything that I would be hot for and yet, I would rather dry hump a cactus. They just all look like the type of guys who have baby soft hands thanks to their regularly scheduled mani/pedis and wouldn't hesitate to steal your hair straightener (and your boyfriend) when you're not looking.

Let's end this ridiculous post with a REAL sexy MAN:

Talk about things I wanna dry hump! MeROWR! Fully clothed and yet his scowl has more sex appeal than any of those guys I posted above. I will always credit this man and his legendary Calvin Klein ad (that was pasted on my ceiling right above my bed.) for helping my boobs grow in high school. Its like my B cup boobs were reaching out to him all summer and bam! Junior year, I had awesome C cups. COINCIDENCE??? I think not. It's the magic of Marky and that funky bunch in his underwear.

6 comments:

Elizabeth Grace said...

First of all, you're BACK!!!!!! Maybe you've been back for a while, but this is news to me so I'm all YAY! SHE'S BACK!

Okay, enough of that.

Man primping and man posing always creeps me. What can be undeniably hot for a woman looks plain ewwwww when done by a guy. Besides, who wants a guy who thinks he's hotter than he thinks you are? Ideally, a hot man should seem somewhat oblivious to his own hotness. Confident? Yes. Ready to jump his own bones? No thanks.

saintseester said...

Thanks for commenting on my photos, and LadyHAHA <--- love this moniker! I agree on the yumminess of Mark.

Jan said...

I think you're on the wrong man fansite. LOL ;)
But Mark? That boy just gets better and better. yummy.

hezro said...

Thanks for the good chuckle! haha!

CP said...

Mark Wahlberg will always be responsible for the huge spike in the battery industry. I burned out at least three vibrators to those abs in the 80's. And that was on a slow week.

Mario Lopes makes my little man in the canoe want to paddle upstream and go far, far away. ew.

skatebettyT said...

I just found your blog and THANK YOU for acknowledging the hotness that is Marky Mark (circa any time in his life!)!!