Tuesday, January 04, 2011

Birds Falling from the Sky, Fish washing up dead on the shore and now I'm back to blogging. Grab your econo sized box of Top Ramen, The End is Near!!

Guess who's back? Back again...Lainey's back...tell a friend. That smell you smell is me and my dry rotted blog. I'm slowly applying a mixture of aloe and herbal oils to my tired old blog to try and lube it back into existence. I'm hoping by the time I'm done rubbing it, it'll look like a Jersey Shore cast member complete with a blow out, a shiny tan and one or two low grade STDs. I have high hopes for my blog!

OH come now, sit, you don't have to stand up and cheer that I'm back, my goodness. You embarrass me so! Well you knew I would come back. Twitter and Facebook is just not a big enough forum for my twice baked, double fried idiocy. Like pleasuring yourself and trying to eat a funnel cake at the same time, too much crap going on and not enough napkins! Can a sistah get an amen?!?

I can't even begin to explain to you how much I don't know what I just wrote but it's my first day back, just fake it long enough for me to bust my first post nut willya?? Do you even care why I'm back? Don't you want to hear my story? How my creativity turned emo, grew bangs past its eyeballs and cut itself in misery because it was being neglected day in and day out? Probably not. You're just ready for me to get on with it aren't you? Selfish skanks. Well I'm pushing the old car as fast as I can. How's the ride so far?

Don't answer that.

Seriously though, I'm happy to have committed myself to Focus52 project - it's just that little poke in the booty I need to get this blog scootin' along again. (Thank you J and C for the initial booty poke to get me started. I hope you both washed your hands afterwards.) The point of the project is you blog, paint, cook, take pictures, or whatever medium of your choice, once a week for a year. I figured I can manage to sit down for a couple minutes to vomit up something somewhat coherent for the ol' bloggy blog. I'm not promising I'll be coherent all of the time (as the last three paragraphs clearly show) but I do promise to do one blog post a week. For once, I'm putting quantity over quality. I had neither to begin with so at least this time around, if the quality of my posts stays at this dollar store level, I'll have quantity on my side.

This post kind of doesn't count since it's a whole post about how I'm coming back, which if you think about it, is totally redundant. I mean, obviously typing out a post means I'm back, why would further explanation that I'm back be necessary? I don't know. I just work here. And with that, I think I've ruined all possible segues into another subject, so let's just end my very first 2011 post like how all your mom's one night stands end...confusing, awkward with a possible pregnancy scare. ZING!

My blog is so bitter. I'm sorry. I hope you come back for more abuse next week.

FYI, I just saw your thought bubble go from 'Yay, she's back!" to "She's back....yay?"


Caroline said...

I can live again!!!!!

Joseph said...

This moment is so much bigger than myself....and I'm HUGE!

Jan said...

but omg I've fallen over in shock.
and disbelief.
wooot! she's baaaa-aaack!

Anonymous said...

Cheering!!! (I would stand up but I'm tired and I need rest, but I'm crazy excited that you're back)

You left a l a r g e gap in the blogosphere when you were away.