Tuesday, June 17, 2008

Is There Anything Worse...????

..than waking up in the morning to an empty coffee can? Murrrr....

...than getting spams in your yahoo account almost every hour!?!? Seriously, who's manning the switch over there at yahoo?! I just proclaimed my devotion to yahoo on Kristi's site and then had to turn around, eat my words and get a Gmail when I had 80 SPAMS in my inbox! ...in ONE DAY! So screw Yahoo and its neglectful ways. Gmail pays attention to me, it tells me I'm pretty and agrees wholeheartedly that the only kind of Spam that's good is the Spam that comes in a can.

...seeing that you paid 45 bucks for 10 gallons of gas? (my spinchter hurts from these ass fisting gas prices)

...than realizing in a dream that you're dreaming and you CAN CONTROL EVERYTHING. So you turn whoever's in front of you into Angelina Jolie, make a grab for it and then THE ALARM GOES OFF!!!! NOOooooooOOOOOooo!!!! Oh Angelina, our love has been thwarted yet again.

I like that word: TWHARTED...its like the word farted only with a tight pair of jeans on.
No clue where I'm going with that, so moving right along. (but seriously say it a couple times, its a great word, second only to FRIIIJOOOLEESS!!!)

...than grown men who wear sunglasses indoors while getting interviewed by the Today show BILLY RAY!?!?!

...those that don't adapt to their environment. Examples would be California concrete cowboys with the whole buckle bought from Wal-Mart, brand new hat, and manicured hands, or how about my neighbors upstairs who dry their clothes on the balcony when there's a washer and dryer room right below THEM!? Hey why fuck around with just drying it on the balcony? Go all out and string a line of clothes across the buildings...it'll give the place a very "West Side Story"/Maria's hood, kind of look. Idiots.

...watching the movie Friday on TBS. "Daarrrn, you got knocked the HECK out!" doesn't have the same ring to it.

...than doing laundry? For me, there's nothing worse. The minute I fold that underwear, you can be sure viking hubby has grabbed it out of the pile, (doing the "bottom yank" so that all the other underwears on top fall over one another, totally negating my excellent folding skillz..) wiped his ass with it and put it back into the dirty clothes hamper.
No, no wait, my bad, - he'd put it NEXT to the hamper.

...people with no kids giving you advice about kids? Um, news flash, picking up your dog's snicker doodles from the lawn with a plastic bag doesn't mean you're the Supernanny.

...hot chicks with douche bags. It's about time there was a site dedicated to this, because there's so many running around and I thought I was the only one noticing! It felt very Vanilla Sky...and then I found his site and breathed a sigh of relief.

************************************************************************************
Yeah I know. There are waaay worse things than those little bitches I just put up, like deadly diseases, world hunger or being Amy Winehouse's short shorts being eagerly gobbled up by her cratch. (crack snatch, new word, write it down).

I don't want to leave on a neggy note so watch/listen to this song New Soul by Yael Naim or some such. I know most of you have heard it on the Mac commercial but I really do love this song. Especially with her "borat-y" kind of accent as she sings it. Play it and see if it doesn't make you want to buy a bohemian dress, skip a shower and go vegan.
Okay, I was pushing it with the vegan thing, but at best it makes you want to burn some petulie oil.

7 comments:

SHADOW said...

1. SUICIDE!
2. Yahoo is crap. Been crap. I recently deleted my yahoo account and never looked back!
3. Lube up because I heard it's going to get worse.
4. I thought I was the only one who had dreams like this! It's almost as cool as those Deja Vu dreams, where you've dreamed it before so you knows whats going to happen next and you can alter it to have a different ending!
5. I like the way it rolls off the tongue. *Says it again*. But what the heck is frijolee?
6,7 & 8. Sadness....
9. Are you kidding me? Laundry is the best chore ever! I love it!
10. That is one of the biggest pet peeves because I can imagine how super annoying it is. I don't have kids so I make sure to keep my trap shut. Even under those extreme cases where I kid is being a brat in the grocery store and I just want to smack it into the previous century.

Speaking of which... is munchkin #2 baking in the oven yet! Get cracking girlie!

Elaine said...

shadow: Frijoles means beans in spanish, it just rolls of your tongue...FRRRR(roll tongue) HOOOOO - LESSSSS.

And yeah, you're coming over to do my laundry you love it so much!

quit pressuring me on the baby making darn you!!!! hahah! ;p

SHADOW said...

Chiquita, yo habla Espanol, no obstante solo un poco.
Where is my brain? I should have known FRIIIJOOOLEEEESSS was ghetto midget Spanish for beans. Aye, mandita! :-)


PS: http://www.kamasutra.com/

:-D

Tug said...

Angie's just being a whiny baby because you have been busy adoring Madge.

She'll get over it & come running back to you soon.

Lizzle said...

Lainey, darling, if I had a man in my life who looked even vaguely as attractive as your husband, NOTHING would stop me from incessant efforts at baby making!

And you want to know what's worse than all those things? TWO WORDS (and an abbreviation) My M.F-ing job.

Eh, I still love you though!

Elaine said...

shadow: ha! Nice link to kama sutra but hello! I wrote that book! I thought you knew!?!? FRRRIIIJOOOLEESS!!!

tug: so true! The really need to learn how to share the midge! ;p

Lizzle: while the process of babymaking is certainly enjoyable, the after effects of pooping out one of viking hubby's large children ..?? not so much. Epidural is my friend however the recovery..holy jeebus it felt like I had gotten ran over by a semi truck. So I'm a little scurrred.

and yeah your MF-ing job TOTALLY trumps by bitchy little bitches fo sho!

Immoral Matriarch said...

LMAO @ your idea of thwart.