Wednesday, January 10, 2007

You don't LOVE ME!!!

I should be doing a lot of things right now...but lookit me blogging away. Can someone pay me for this already? How about just paying me to do Fan Letter Fridays? because I think you and I know the rest of my posts are merely buffers to my Fan Letter Fridays.

Which brings up the main reason for this post. I think it is my duty to tell you that Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday are all hurt by all the attention Friday gets.
And they're getting self destructive.

Monday's grades are at an all time low. Tuesday has taken to cutting itself, Wednesday has eaten a whole box of Krispy Kremes every day and then pukes them out a half hour later, and Thursday...Well Thursday is the worst. Thursday has been dressing quite provacatively lately and I can't tell you how many people has been in and out of its room. I don't know what's going on in there.. but let's just say there's a lot of questionable noises coming from the room. I hope you can understand my reason for concern.

I'm thinking the other days should have some kind of assignment like Fan Letter Fridays. In fact, its imperative that we start making either Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday as special as Friday. It's the least you could do to make up for your condescending and inattentive ways. I really think you owe them that much. So don't just foo foo through this post because it's not Friday. If we keep ignoring the other days, I'm afraid that they'll go looking for attention elsewhere in the form of a stripper pole or from Mr. Ill Nana, the local Vietnamese pimp down the corner. You and I both know they'll be getting the wrong kind of attention and it won't ever fill up the empty hole inside them that you have created.

So to help you get started, here are a few days I came up with to make them feel special:

Menstrual Mondays: A day for bitchin and a moanin'
Things are lookin' up Tuesdays: to make up for the bitchin and moaning done on Monday
We Really Need To Medicate her Wednesdays: for my random rants and big dreams about making it big as Polkadonna (that's Madonna cover songs played on an accordion by a midget for the new readers who aren't in the know about the genuis that is Polkadonna).
Titty Twister Thursdays: I don't even know what this day would be about, but I think the world had been missing a Titty Twister Thursday.

So whaddaya think? Can you think of something better? Matza Ball Mondays perhaps? Dirty Thong Tuesdays?

There's no time to waste. The Weekdays Need You.


Lightning Bug's Butt said...

I never thought of it that way.

Rest assured I'm doing my part. I LOVE weekdays. My job cosists of two double-shifts on the weekends, 0700--2300. I hate Friday Nights. I loath Saturdays. And I celebrate Sunday Nights. Mondays are my most magical day of the week!

Judy said...

What is this??? Elementary School?? Remember Monday-Marriage Day, Tuesday-Toes Day, Wednesday-Wedding Day, Thursday-Throw-up Day, Friday-Flip up day! LOL!

Anonymous said...

You girls with normal sized breastesses can have your Titty Twister Thursdays. My negative numbers can't even spin - much less twist.

Thanks for the reminder.

Anonymous said...

" They only love me on Fridays...Sigh..."
I disagree! If you insist, Mondays idea is good. What about Tacky Trailor Trash Tuesdays because, really who needs all that uplifting? Medication Wed. is cute too. Otherwise, your regular blogs are fab already.

J. said...

I don't know what's funnier ... polkadonna or titty twister thursdays.

You crack me up 'laine.