Coachella Hell and WHY MY HUSBAND ROCKS DA HOUSE!!

High Hopes. I had high high hopes for Coachella. It was probably my only chance to be that close to my idol but sadly, dear readers, this did not happen. It was a combination of many things, but to break it all down, I did not get there on time in order to get a wristband to be in the pit. I waited all day by the tent hoping with all my midgety might that they would pass out more wristbands. They didn't. They had JUST ran out of pit wristbands a half hour before I got there. So I was kicking myself in the ass the entire time. I should have been there earlier like a true Madonna soldier. I should have went alone so I could have left at 6:00 am without dragging anybody into the madness, I should've, would've, could've, etc. I was in a depression yesterday for missing such a golden opportunity. I didn't even get a good spot outside of the pit because the geniuses at Coachella thought, "hey Madonna is playing in a tiny little tent, maybe we shouldn't have anyone else on at the same time so that 60,000 plus people could jam pack the place! Good IDEA!!! " I saw a blip of my queen while standing on my backpack, as resourceful midgets do. Meanwhile, I had non-Madonna fans all around me, standing there like a bunch of idiots, not screaming, not yelling, not dancing, just standing there. Why the fuck are you here steamin' up my tail then?? Go have another piece of granola and NOT take a shower somewhere else, so I can have more room!!!! As much as these psuedo-hippies bitched about Madonna being at Coachella, they sure came in droves when it was time for her to perform! Oh and did I mention I got puked on, TWICE..one splashing "oh so conveniently" by my leg? Did I mention the other sweaty people who fainted on top of me? Did I mention all the superficial, botoxed bitches who got to go into the pit and didn't even CARE that Madonna was performing?? As they were too busy walking around the pit, primping, flirting with security and getting drinks at the bar. Fucking faked tittied WHORES I tell ya!! If looks could kill, so many OC bitches would have been twitchin' on the desert floor that night, with blood dribbling from their incision scars. But alas, my powers have not reached to that level yet.. (I still have to pay more money at my local Scientology Centre to attain Cruise-like Powers such as those). I went home defeated. So close, yet SO FAR.

Curses!!!

Then, just when I thought my husband couldn't get any cooler, he went into complete arctic cool. He was so distraught at my missed opportunity that he told me yesterday to go ahead and log onto Ticketmaster and see what kind of seats I could get for her show that had just been added to the Staples Center. They were having a presale for Madonna fan club members (yes, I'm a member.... okay...I'll wait for the laughter to subside.......wipe your tears..... get a grip on yourself), so I halfheartedly checked, figuring I would just get the same type of seats that I had at the LA Forum. I tried three times to get floor tickets and lo and behold this is what I got on my third click:

Section: Floor 1, Row 26, Seat 1. in other words....OH. My. GOD.

The Staples Center hasn't released the official seating chart yet, but this is what the set up is thought to be. I could possibly be even closer to the left catwalk.

So the good ol' hubby gave me the go ahead to buy it!! So TWO, I'm going to TWO of her concerts with awesome awesome seats. Yeah sure, we're broke and probably have to live out in our truck for a while but hey, that's just campin' right? Who cares about a lil campin' in the vehicle when I get to be up close to Miss Madge's crotch!

My husband gave me the gift of Madonna's crotch. Thank you, oh dear husband of mine. The General sure is getting a purple heart for this one.. and by "General" and "Purple Heart" I'm talking about....this IS a family blog after all..