I Shore Do Love Them The Crazies!!!

I'm in love with Tom Cruise.

I was as disturbed by this revelation as much as you oh dear reader. I don't know how it happened but I can tell you that it all started when I watched this.......

(And the love affair began.....)

As everyone laughed at Tom while he jumped on Oprah's couch, I felt a stirrin' in me loins that only increased as time went on.....(my loins are super tired)

Then he told Brooke Shields where to stick her uterus after intelligently informing her that you don't need drugs for postpartum depression! There IS NO postpartum depression. Yeah bitch. Just work up a sweat and pop some Flintstone vitamins wench! Listen to Xenu WOMAN! I mean Tom.....sorry..


Then he flexed his midgety, yet delicious biceps, at Matt Lauer on morning television. His crazy, vibrating eyeballs and twitchy demeanor only made me want this man more.

As Tom grew crazier and crazier, my love for him only deepened. I fantasized about Tom jumping on my kitchen table in papal robes, calling me a glib and declaring that I was infested with alien seed before scurrying under my bed to hiss at me. I confess that it was a fantasy that I gave into almost every day when Brad refused to don papal robes (I had some in the closet) and gave me a weak argument about being "too big" to jump onto the kitchen table. "NONSENSE!" I screached at him. "TOM isn't too big! TOM could do it!!!" It was then I knew I had hit rock bottom.


I began to wish that I was the one that he had taken hostage. I wished that he had impregnated ME with holy Cruise Juice and made ME an adult pacifier to GNAW on while I gave a "silent birth" to his super Dianetics baby. WHY NOT ME TOM? Why oh why??. Please purge me of the evil that Xenu has spurned upon my body and the body of millions of earthlings!

They do not know.

They are glib.

I love you.

Last but not least, Tom, please know that I mean it when I say......

" bleep bleep boop di di di di grugh goooghr, needlenose banana pants."

That's just between him and I oh dear readers. It's a Xenu Thing. You wouldn't understand....

*it should be noted that my computer FROZE up THREE TIMES while trying to post this. At one point, I couldn't find the saved draft on Blogger! Coincidence???????
Behold The Power Of TOM.