So Random Its Organized.

* What in the world do they serve in the water in Brazil?? I've scouted two models in the past couple weeks that were so gorgeous to look at, it was like someone had punched me in the gut and knocked the wind out of me. The first model I was scheduled to meet with with at a Starbucks. I got there before she did and was chatting it up with a couple next to me. When the girl walked in, a big bang was heard throughout the coffee shop because all three of our jaws hit the floor in unison. She was soo beautiful and tall, I thought she was a wax figure. I sat her out in the sun for a couple minutes to see if the melting would begin, but no. She was real. Amazing.
Last week, I scheduled to meet a guy near downtown and Hillcrest and again, he was from Brazil! So gorgeous I could barely talk and ask him the "professional questions" an unbiased and cold model scout is suppose to ask.

" Nice to meet you ...can you...ah.....wait...let me look at my notes here....what's the first questio..oh NAME! What's your name?"

Sad. I think the entire male population of Hillcrest followed him out of that Starbucks like a bunch of groupies - along with a couple of their hags. (Hillcrest is a predominately gay community in San Diego). So mental note, if you want to feel like a troll who just crawled out of a sewage hole, go to Brazil. Apparently, pretty people are grown and harvested there.

* Random Olympic sports make me happy. The Trampoline? Sweet! (I think that might be my gold medal ticket. I would fly. The bad girl of Trampoline! It's a Nike commercial waiting to happen people...) Ping Pong? Badminton? Double SWEET! (I'm ASiAN ....no reason needed as to why I love ping pong. Genetics. Hello.), when dodge ball becomes an official Olympic sport, sign me up!

* My girl Shawn Johnson, who has missed gold by the narrowest of margins and because the Olympic judges are blind, deaf and dumb, biased to under aged Chinese gymnasts "lean and graceful" gymnasts as opposed to short powerhouses like Johnson. She FINALLY won gold on the beam where lean and graceful don't mean shit. YAY for short, muscular midgets with no boobs!! (who are 16 and over!!...CHINESE!!!)

* And of course, yay for Michael Phelps, 8 gold medals, greatest Olympian of all time, blah blah blah, he is an amazing swimmer, no doubt. But he confuses me with a body like DAMN and a face like WHOA.

Bottom Half: Gold Medals - Top Half: Unfortunate

* Word has it that there's a transexual male on the new season of America's Next Top Model. It's so nice to know that Tyra's willing to share the spotlight with a fellow tranny. Yay for Tyra. She's not self absorbed at all. Nope. Not one little bit. And don't you tell me different.

* Thank god for Project Runway - what can I say? THE most amazing reality show for me because people who can sew are like flying magicians who poop Toblerone chocolate bars. I swear, if someone hems my pants, I gasp and start chanting hail marys, making signs of the cross because the magic of sewing is almost witchcraftery in its awesomeness. Combine that with a woman who wants to work with LED-THUH (leather) and pronounces as I spelled it, a gay man who's a tanorexic and another gay man who speaks of himself in the third person and you have the makings of the best reality show on television. That and the fact that Heidi Klum leaves a wonderful puff of cinnamon and sugar dust every time she appears on television....which is way better than the grease and bacon bit trail that Tyra leaves.

* And for those of you who missed the video I posted of the weighlifter Janos Baranyai having a bad day at the Olympics. Here it is via photos....

Janos lifts it up the massive weight over his head.

Um, I don't think my elbow is suppose to go that way...

Call me crazy but this doesn't feel right....

CALGON TAKE ME AWAY!!!!

Okay, okay, screw Calgon, I'll settle for Chinese doctors... Oh Chinese Doctors please take me to a drug induced land where elbows are made of rubber and cheese. Thank you.

Shuttlecocks Do It Better. The Olympic Edition.

The Olympics are here and for me the Olympics means WOMEN'S GYMNASTICS!!! And badminton too because it's a sport that requires you to hit a shuttlecock with all your might and that my friends is always a good thing.

But I have a love/hate relationship with gymnastics. While I root for my short freakishly muscular sistahs, most of the time I'm yelling at them through the t.v. like I'm Bela Karoly's love child because history has gone to prove that the U.S. women's gymnastics team are choke artists to the extreme.

Excluding the Magnificent 7 of course, who won gold. Thank you Kerri Strug, who may sound like she's huffin' helium - but she was a bad ass nonetheless. Never mind the one legged landing that won the U.S. the gold. I shat in my pants every time she was on the beam and did this:


Kerri would hold this DIAGONAL pose like she could stay there all day!!!! Or Kim Zmeskal, who choked at the Olympic trials and didn't make the team HOWEVER, she was a world champion who did crap like this....


If she needed to, she could pick her nose with her toe from that angle.

Kim and Kerri - 4'8 of pure muscle and grunt...you know who else is 4'8 at 32 years old????
ahem.
damn, I coulda been a contender. Just sayin.....
I have no midget powerhouse to cheer for this time around. There's not one on that team that Kerri or Kim couldn't beat in a cage fight with one leg tied around their head. (flexible!)

Anyways, point being - the U.S. women choked and got silver last night and my throat is hoarse for yelling Romanian obscenities at them. Romanian because you know in Romania their gymnasts try not to choke at the Olympics of all places.....or the government takes their family and the dog. Can we do something like that here in the U.S. for the gymnasts? Maybe a little fear will beat the choke outta them. We don't have to take the whole family...maybe just the deaf grandma who farts loudly at family events...(I kid! I kid! - but seriously we all have one of those right??) We still have the individual competition but my hopes aren't high. I mean, shit, if you're going to stunt your body, replace your growing bosom with a man's chest, sound like minnie mouse, wear camel toe inducing leotards and miss your period (that might not be too bad..) the least you can do is WIN!!!!

I was a FOOL to think gymnastics could take over the excitement of intense shuttlecock swatting! (I'm still talking about badminton by the way and NOT that party in West Hollywood you went to last Saturday that you don't remember too much about but inexplicably made your butt hurt the next day...)

Or maybe we can just gather up a few underage girls and have them form the U.S. Olympic Team next year (um...CHINA! - tsk tsk tsk...they have the most disciplined group of preschooler gymnasts I ever did see...)

But you know who had an even worse day than the U.S> women's gymnastics team?
THIS GUY: (Warning: THIS IS GRAPHIC like 70s porn...only with less armpit hair.)